


The Impracticalities of Supernaturality

by Kryzanna



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, M/M, Sexual Content, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:12:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kryzanna/pseuds/Kryzanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Itachi and Sasuke Uchiha moved to Konoha; a rumoured hotspot for the unnatural, they never expected to find a house full of less-than-normal inhabitants. Fires, teleporting and psychic meddling are only a handful of challenges that the Uchihas are going to have to face when living with the supernatural. But maybe this house holds more in store for them than trouble, if only they open themselves up to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Due to my stories being under threat of removal on fanfiction.net, here's the first being moved. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to leave comments. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

"Stop sulking, Sasuke," Itachi Uchiha scolded his little brother as he looked in his rear view mirror and found that he was staring sullenly out the window.

"Why?" Sasuke sniffed back crossly, folding his arms, "Mother and father have sent us out into the middle of nowhere halfway through the school year –"

"Oh don't whine," Itachi rolled his eyes, "It's only for a few months and then it's summer and you can head off to college. You know this is an important business deal for them."

"Then why did I have to come?" Sasuke grumbled childishly, "You I can understand, since you're practically running the Uchiha Corporation when father isn't around; but why did they have to make me come?" Itachi sighed again, knowing that Sasuke was fairly put out at being uprooted from his private school and being practically dragged across country to a small tourist town named Konoha. Being a city boy from a young age, the younger Uchiha had put up quite the fuss until their father had threatened to dissolve his trust fund.

"Konoha is a very popular tourist spot," Itachi reminded him firmly, "Everyone in the industry knows it, and there are several properties in the area that father is looking into purchasing and adding to our hotel chain. So far, the owner of the most promising has refused to sell, but he's agreed to meet with me."

"…And again, why am I here?" Sasuke asked dryly.

" –Because you're a spoilt brat who needs to spend some time with people who don't give a crap about what you want," Itachi muttered under his breath.

"…What was that Itachi?" his brother asked in a cold tone.

"…Because it's a learning experience that will help mould you into a man that will someday be capable of joining the corporation," Itachi corrected himself brightly; catching the unimpressed glare of his brother's black eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"Tch…you're always doing what father wants…" Sasuke muttered under his breath and dragged his headphones back over his ears. Itachi sighed and checked the directions they'd been given a few miles back. That little brother of his needed a serious attitude adjustment, really. Hopefully after a few months at a normal high school with normal people, he'd sort out that stick up his ass…

Although, if the rumours about Konoha were true, he wasn't all that sure that they were going to have a normal experience at all. The man at the gas station who had given him directions had seemed very surprised when he heard about where they were headed, even going so far as to tell them to watch themselves there.

'There's strange folk there,' he had remarked cryptically, 'Lovely community…but unusual. Weird things happen in Konoha and no one seems to know why. Don't be surprised by anything you see there.'

Itachi hadn't let it worry him too much. Being in the business world, he knew how much people could tend to exaggerate. From what he'd read about Konoha, it was a beautiful, quaint town at the bottom of a magnificent mountain with an unusual rock formation. It was very popular among holiday-makers for its scenery and apparently had a very prestigious university near the outskirts.

* * *

 

It took them about another hour of driving to finally pull up to Konoha, but not too long to locate the entrance to the grounds of the Samehada Manor. The main gate was apparently missing, but there was a long driveway up to the front of the huge house. The lawns were freshly mown, and all manner of plant-life appeared to be growing daintily in the various gardens that the two Uchihas could see in the orange evening light.

"Well…it doesn't look like a dump," Sasuke muttered, yanking his headphones down around his neck and yawning as Itachi drew their sleek black car to a halt to one side of the extensive car park.

"Be polite," Itachi snapped in frustration as he got out of the car, "Come along, Sasuke; don't drag your feet! We're representing the Uchiha Corporation –" He was about to continue scolding, but Sasuke, apparently realising that he was about to get an earful, had clambered out of the car and was standing there in his white dress shirt and pants expectantly. Straightening his tie and pulling on his suit jacket, Itachi nodded and head up the stairs to the porch and knocked on the door with the brass knocker shaped like a shark.

"Be polite," he reminded his little brother.

"I'm not a child, Itachi," Sasuke reminded him flatly; having at least enough sense to leave his headphones in the car. The elder Uchiha ran a hand through his long, bound hair to make sure it was acceptable –it had been a long drive, but the owner of the manor had been insistent that they meet as soon as he arrived in Konoha.

Suddenly, the large oak door was dragged open by a beaming, pretty teenage girl with bright pink hair and big green eyes.

"Good evening," she greeted curiously, "How can I help you?"

"Hello," Itachi greeted cordially, though he was frowning; he hadn't been expecting a teenage girl, "My name is Itachi Uchiha and I'm here to meet with the owner of this property on behalf of my father –"

"Oh, you must be the rich bastards who want to steal our house," she remarked innocently; her face and voice the very epitome of pleasantry despite her words, "Dad said you'd be here today. I suppose you want to come in." She opened the door wide and allowed them entry into the building.

"Dad! Your guests are here!" she shouted into the building in a strong voice. Itachi shut the door behind him and then blinked in surprise when he saw the foyer.

It was an incredibly impressive building; beautiful mahogany stairwells; stained glass windows; chandeliers –he could see why his father was so set on purchasing it. Not to mention, it was huge –with a little bit of modification, it would make an incredibly elegant hotel. There was another girl; probably about the same age as Sasuke, busy cleaning nearby, but she paused as she caught site of her two guests.

"Where's dad?" the pink-haired girl asked the blonde.

"Kitchen," the blonde replied with a scowl, "He's had me cleaning all freaking day –and do you even know how much mess Suigetsu causes? Not to mention how Shikamaru won't even lift a finger to help me!" The pink-haired girl seemed to notice that Itachi and Sasuke were waiting rather expectantly, and put on that beaming grin again.

"Oh, I suppose I should take you to see dad, then," she remarked conversationally, and began ushering them down one of the wide hallways to what they assumed was going to be the kitchen, "I'm Sakura, by the way."

"This is Sasuke," Itachi introduced; knowing his little brother was likely to be too antisocial to bother giving her his name, "He'll be attending Konoha High School for the remainder of the year."

"Oh, how nice," Sakura remarked, eyeing Sasuke carefully, "I suppose you're kind of cute…even if you are part of a scheming, blood-sucking corporation –"

"Sakura…that's enough," a gruff voice remarked firmly and her mouth closed obediently. The door to what appeared to be the kitchen opened and Itachi was shocked to discover that a giant man a good few inches over six feet tall, was now towering over him. Even more shocking than the fact that he was wearing an apron was how his skin and hair was blue.

"You must be the Uchihas," the man commented, "If you don't mind; can we talk in the kitchen; I've got dinner on." Still kind of unable to believe his eyes, Itachi followed, with Sasuke following him; his expression as unreadable as always.

"Sakura; where are your brothers?" the man asked of the pink-haired girl standing in the doorway, "And what's Hidan been doing; I've been looking for him."

"Shikamaru's still sleeping, like always," Sakura muttered, rolling her eyes, "Suigetsu and Naruto are at soccer practice; Deidara's working on his portfolio; Neji's at the library; Kiba's out walking Akamaru; and I think Hidan lost his head again."

"Typical," the man sighed heavily, "Sakura; will you and Ino please go and get dressed for dinner; we're having guests." He looked pointedly at Itachi and Sasuke.

" –Oh no, we couldn't impose," Itachi assured him immediately; not having expected to know that there were so many people already living here. Also; in what world could someone like that giant blue man end up having a daughter as pretty and normal-looking as Sakura? "We have a reservation in town; we are merely here for an informal discussion –"

"Dinner is informal," the man replied simply, "I insist. Sakura?"

"Yes dad," she grumbled, vanishing from the doorway and letting the door swing shut. The man sighed heavily and held out a hand.

"Kisame Hoshigaki," he greeted with a pointed, toothy grin, "I own Samehada Manor."

"Ahh, yes, I believe we spoke on the phone," Itachi nodded, "Itachi Uchiha. This is my younger brother, Sasuke. Our parents decided that it would be an interesting experience for him to spend a little time out of the city."

"Well, I hope our little town isn't too boring for you," Kisame commented, looking at the disinterested, young Uchiha. With a low chuckle, he returned to his cooking, "Dinner won't be long, I promise. The kids should all be back soon, so you can meet them all –most of them will probably be around your age, Sasuke?"

"Great," Sasuke responded, though he sounded as though even speaking was causing him too much effort.

"We'll talk business after dinner, shall we?" Kisame offered to Itachi.

"That sounds fair," the Uchiha admitted; hearing his stomach growl. Apparently Kisame heard this as well because he chuckled again.

"Now, I must warn you; my kids can be a little…difficult…when you first meet them," he informed them, "I've already told them why you're here, so don't be surprised if there's a little…hostility directed towards you. I've asked them to behave themselves but they do have a habit of liking to mess with newcomers. Just saying."

"Teenagers will be teenagers," Itachi admitted with a shrug.

"Itachi, you're twenty-three; stop pretending to be so much older than me," Sasuke remarked flatly and Kisame grinned in amusement at the sharp look that the elder Uchiha gave his little brother.

"Ahh, and just so you're aware; don't be surprised by anything that happens at dinner," Kisame added, almost as an afterthought, "It's perfectly normal for them." Itachi just raised an eyebrow at this but the blue man did nothing to elaborate further.

"Also," Kisame remarked conversationally, "We spoke on the phone about you perhaps residing here for your stay? We have plenty of rooms available."

"That would be satisfactory," Itachi admitted, "I would very much like to inspect the property and learn a little more about it." The blue man nodded and apparently deemed his cooking safe to leave alone as he undid his apron and hung it on one of the doors before leaning out the door and yelling in a booming voice, "Ino! Set the table!"

"Why me? Can't Shikamaru do it?" came back the annoyed voice of a girl –that blonde girl from earlier.

"Then tell him to do it," Kisame hollered back; sighing heavily. "Now, Itachi, we have rooms available for the two of you on the first floor; but if Sasuke is going to be attending school –"

" –He is –"

" –Then maybe he'll want to live with the other kids? Their rooms are on the second and third."

"No," Sasuke growled, at the same moment when Itachi brightly declared, "That sounds like a wonderful idea." Of course, Itachi earned himself a scathing look but refused to take it back. "Sasuke; you might actually be able to make some friends for a change," he added teasingly; a jibe that his brother apparently did not appreciate.

The pair of them followed Kisame through to what was apparently the dining hall to discover that somehow the rather large table had already been set –and apparently for quite a number of people. There was suddenly a resounding crash from somewhere in the house; followed by a large explosion and a wild yell. Immediately, Itachi tensed and looked around nervously for the source of the noise. Kisame simply looked up at the roof.

"Well, that'll be the boys back," he remarked conversationally as there was another piercing yell and a huge thud as something crashed to the ground. There were several more thuds and the sound of a girl screaming before everything fell silent again. Itachi looked over at Kisame for explanation.

" –Kids these days," was all he offered as way of explaining, "If you'll just wait here; everyone will be down in a minute. Dinner's ready." And on that note, Kisame left the dining hall once more and the door clicked shut behind him.

"…Do we call the police?" Itachi inquired flatly.

" –He didn't seem bothered by those noises…" Sasuke shrugged.

" –Yeah, maybe he's a serial killer," Itachi snorted, reaching for his phone. Before he had the chance to, however, the door opened and Sakura and Ino appeared; dressed respectively in red and purple.

"Sorry about that," Sakura remarked apologetically, "My brothers are a real pain when they get home…"

"What's going on here?" Itachi inquired flatly, "What were those noises?"

"Oh nothing," Sakura replied innocently and giggled when she exchanged a glance with Ino.

"…Kisame's not here; you can speak freely…" Itachi frowned; ignoring the smirk his brother was giving him, "…Are you in any danger right now? Why did we hear screams?" Sakura and Ino both laughed before taking seats with them at the dinner table.

"Is it true that you're going to be living with us?" Ino asked curiously.

" –Well, that remains to be seen," Itachi frowned; not liking the way that the two girls were grinning mischievously.

"…In that case…you'll find out soon," the blonde giggled back, looking over to where Sasuke was looking at the two girls with a raised eyebrow; his chin balanced on his fingertips.

There was another loud bang and a howl from somewhere upstairs again and all four in the room looked up at the roof.  
Sasuke Uchiha was not known for his interest in anything; not in school, not in women, not in hobbies –but there seemed to be something…strange about the people that they'd met so far. He couldn't shake that nagging feeling that they all knew something that he and Itachi didn't; and despite his dislike of new things; and general dislike of people, he was a little intrigued to see how this dinner went…and who these people were.


	2. Chapter 2

The first person to enter the room was a rather annoyed looking brunette with long, brown hair that appeared to be rather singed and was leaving a small trail of smoke behind him.

"Hey Neji, did you steal Deidara's conditioner again?" Ino teased, sticking her tongue out as he glared at her with strange lavender eyes. The smell of burning hair was strong in the air.

"He overreacted," Neji snapped back haughtily, sitting down beside her and adjusting the long sleeves of his white shirt, "Who are these people?" His expression was one of quiet disdain.

"Remember how dad told us that some jackass was coming from the city to try buying our house?" Sakura informed him. Neji's cool gaze slid across to the pair of Uchihas. Sasuke met his glare evenly and folded his arms just to show that he wasn't intimidated. The brunette stared at him, and Sasuke could've sworn that for a moment, his eyes flashed with some kind of strange light before fading again and leaving Neji with a small smirk plastered across his face.

Sasuke frowned and his attention was directed over to the door where two massive dogs had just appeared; one of them huge and white and the other shaggy and brown. One of them; the brown one, bounded up into one of the chairs and its tongue flopped out excitedly as its huge paws scrabbled at the tablecloth. Strangely, he had a red patch of fur either side of his muzzle.

"Kiba, paws off the table, you mutt!" Ino snapped, swatting the dog with a hand and glaring at him. The dog barked twice and bounded off the chair; directly bowling into a tanned, blonde figure as they made an appearance in the doorway. Itachi and Sasuke just sat there awkwardly as the two girls laughed as there was an almighty sneeze from the blonde who had just been knocked over.

Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, Sasuke spied movement in the opposite corner and did a double-take as a blonde walked past him, rubbing his nose awkwardly.

"What –" he began to say with a small frown of confusion, doing a double take.

"What's the problem, Sasuke?" Itachi inquired.

"I…I could've sworn that…" Sasuke remarked, looking over his shoulder and seeing nothing but the rest of the room; and then back to the tanned blonde who had taken a seat opposite him. Definitely; he could've sworn that that was the guy that the dog had leapt on as he walked through the door…But there was no way he could've gotten there so quickly…

A little perplexed, the raven folded his arms and his scowl deepened as a tall, broad brunette took a seat after having apparently crawled in from a neighbouring room. He had scruffy brown hair and a red triangular tattoo on each of his cheeks.

"Hey mutt," the blonde greeted with a laugh, "Oi, what's in your pocket?" The brunette grinned mischievously and whispered something to him. The blonde burst out laughing.

" –Naruto…Kiba…we have guests," Neji remarked smoothly, nodding pointedly at the two raven-haired, suited men sitting opposite them. The pair exchanged glances and the blonde named Naruto giggled to himself.

"Oh hey," he remarked with a bright grin.

"Hn…" Sasuke responded with unimpressed eyes, "Your dog has the same name as you? How lame." Kiba looked incredibly confused for a long moment before spluttering and laughing and the rest of the table bursting out into sniggers. The white dog yapped playfully and darted out the door excitedly.

Kisame suddenly reappeared in the doorway and from the head of the table appeared to be doing a head count of who was present. There were various versions of 'hi dad' called out as another boy walked in, looking rather tired.

"Shikamaru, where are Suigetsu and Deidara?" Kisame inquired curiously.

"…Putting out the fire," Shikamaru replied with a yawn.

"Fire?" Itachi exclaimed.

" –Okay; well, would you please help me to bring out dinner?" Kisame asked sternly just before Shikamaru took a seat. The ponytailed man sighed before rising again and following his dad out to the kitchen again.

" –Did he just say fire?" Itachi inquired flatly; wondering whether there was really a fire, and if there was; why was Kisame acting so casual about it?

"Yeah, happens all the time," Kiba drawled.

"Ew, Kiba, you smell; you need a bath," Ino snorted, wrinkling her nose and glaring at him as he leaned a little too close. "I can't believe you wouldn't shower after playing with Akamaru…"

" –I forgot we were having guests, okay?" Kiba snapped back.

"…So do you all go to Konoha High School?" Itachi inquired, managing to maintain his composure.

"Yup," Naruto grinned, "All in our last year. Shikamaru and Neji already had scholarships last year but they decided to stick around for their last year."

"I think it's called 'cheating' when you can read minds," Kiba scoffed flatly.

"You're just jealous," Sakura snorted, "Anyway, they're geniuses anyway!"

" –Read minds?" Sasuke remarked flatly, "You're joking, right?" They all exchanged glances and chuckled to themselves.

"Something like that," Naruto smirked.

"Deidara's not at Konoha High with us," Sakura offered, "He's working to try getting into college. And Hidan…well…we're just trying to keep him out of jail…"

"Jail –" Itachi remarked flatly.

" –Well, we're pretty sure one day he's going to kill one of us," she replied simply, "Our bets are all on Deidara…"

"…Maybe agreeing to stay here was a bad idea…" Sasuke remarked flatly to his brother who nodded once in agreement. A few minutes later, two more boys, who the Uchihas assumed were the missing Suigetsu and Deidara, trooped in; one with long blonde hair swept up in a ponytail and also looking a little singed, while the other with white hair looked like he was sweating quite considerably.

"Suigetsu; we have company," Ino remarked flatly. He looked over at the two raven-haired strangers and gave them a short salute as he wiped his brow. Sasuke immediately noticed that his sweaty appearance diminished slightly. Maybe it had just been the light.

"Asshole," Deidara muttered at Neji, "Use your own damn conditioner, yeah."

"We use the same brand; it was an honest mistake," Neji remarked flatly.

"Like hell it was, yeah," Deidara snorted crossly.

"Oh don't make me –" Neji glared, holding up too fingers as the blonde sat down. Immediately he leaned away angrily.

"No! The last time you touched me like that, I was unconscious for a week!" he snapped, and then appeared to regret the phrasing of his words as he stubbornly clamped his mouth shut and folded his arms. Before the situation could get any tenser, Kisame and Shikamaru arrived with arms laden with trays of food which they placed in the centre of the room.

"Ahh, so I see you've met everyone," Kisame commented approvingly, "Except bloody Hidan…"

"…Dad…did you cook all this?" Naruto asked tentatively. All eight of the teenagers stared at him incredulously as they stared at the spread laid out before him. "Can we afford this?"

"I knew we were having company so I made an exception," he reminded them flatly, "And Shikamaru; it's not nice to pry," he added, giving the sleepy boy a sharp look. Shikamaru simply chuckled and took a seat. "And has anyone seen Hidan?"

"…Sort of…" Kiba remarked awkwardly as Kisame gestured for them all to begin helping themselves.

"Define 'sort of'," Kisame sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead in exasperation.

"Well…me and Akamaru kind of took him down to the park…" Kiba replied, avoiding eye contact.

"I hope you left him there, yeah," Deidara muttered under his breath, "Pass the salad, Ino." There was a bark from somewhere in the foyer, followed by a harsh shout.

"Get the fuck off me dog-breath! Kiba, I'm going to fucking kill you!"

"Hear that, Kiba?" Suigetsu smirked, "He's going to kill you." There was a yelp of a dog and the skittering of claws on tiles.

"Oh here we go…" Kisame muttered, "Itachi, Sasuke? I'm very sorry about this…"

"Sorry about what? The food looks good," Itachi remarked conversationally.

" –You're lucky. Dad doesn't usually cook too well," Sakura chuckled.

" –Had dad seen who you were before you came here?" Shikamaru asked curiously, with a raised eyebrow at his father. Kisame shot him a warning look.

"I suppose; we're the sons of Fugaku Uchiha; the president of the Uchiha Corporation," Itachi replied, "But I don't understand what –"

"You little fucker; goddamn you! My body's been fucking looking for me all fucking day and you know it can't leave the house!" There was a hoarse, angry yell, and the dining hall door burst open suddenly; the white dog from earlier scurrying around with something held in its mouth. It skidded over into the far corner, where it sat on its haunches; looking thoroughly pleased with itself.

Itachi nearly spat out his food.

It was a head. A human head. The dog was holding a human head in its mouth!

"What the fuck?" He exclaimed.

" –Oi, Kisame; who the fuck is this?" the head remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"Fucking hell!" Sasuke exclaimed, "Did that head; just fucking...WHAT?" He and his brother leapt from their seats in horror as something else barged into the room. Itachi couldn't help but let out a small, unmanly kind of wail as he realised that it was a human body –without a head! It was running…by itself…without a goddamn head! It headed straight for the dog and grabbed the head as the teenagers at the table sniggered to themselves. Before Itachi and Sasuke's horrified eyes, the headless body tore the head from the dog and placed it firmly back on its stump of a neck that was strangely without blood. The skin appeared to grow back, and in an instant, head was firmly back in place.

"Okay, which one of you little fuckers took my hand?" the man; his platinum hair coated with mud and leaves. He held up the stump of his right arm and gestured to where there was an empty spot where his hand was meant to be.

Suddenly, Kiba looked incredibly uncomfortable, and gave a wild yelp as something leapt out from his pocket and made a break for the table. Sasuke took several horrified steps backwards as he discovered that there was a severed hand running along the table.

"Ew! Hidan; keep your fingers out of my food!" Ino yelled, swatting at the hand. Suddenly, the platter nearest to the scuttling hand caught fire spontaneously and Hidan, who was obviously the once-severed head, stormed forward angrily as wild vines suddenly sprang out from the asparagus in an attempt to apprehend the hand. Plates and food went flying everywhere.

"Oi, Dei, I know you fucking did that on purpose!" he snarled aggressively. Suigetsu sighed heavily, slapping a palm down on the fire and extinguishing it as his entire hand turned to water and then reformed as flesh.

"What the fuck is going on?" Sasuke exploded in horror as the hand seemed to have its own ideas and scrambled back to Kiba; lunging for his throat. He went toppling backwards off his chair dramatically; clutching at the hand gripping his throat.

"Hidan, let him go!" Sakura shouted, grabbing the hand and pulling it, and Kiba off the ground with amazing strength. Itachi's brow was furrowed in absolute horror as he and Sasuke backed away from the riot of the table as Naruto and Sakura battled to free Kiba from the wrath of the dismembered hand. Neji, looking rather bored; pushed past the two of them and tapped the hand once with two fingers. Immediately, the hand went completely limp as if it had fallen asleep. Kiba coughed several times as Sakura gripped it tightly in one hand.

"Fucking hell, Neji; you didn't have to paralyze my fucking hand like that!" Hidan snapped, "I've fucking got work tomorrow!"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't try to kill Kiba," Neji sniffed flatly, taking his seat at the table once more. Sakura threw Hidan back his hand and he let it reattach to the stump of his wrist.

"Shikamaru…" Ino sighed, rolling her eyes. Shikamaru sighed, and gave a quick flick of his fingers; the plates and cutlery rising from where they had been flung from the floor and replacing themselves on the table. Suddenly, Naruto sneezed and promptly disappeared in a brief flash of light. He reappeared again almost instantly in that same flash of light, in mid-air directly above Sasuke.

There was a comedic moment there where he dangled above him, before plummeting down; directly on top of the raven and instantly knocking him unconscious as his head hit the floor.

"What the hell is going on?" Itachi exploded; completely aghast and at a complete loss as to what had just happened. Kisame just folded his arms.

"Kids; since we can't have a civil dinner together; take it to your rooms and do your homework," he growled flatly, "Naruto; get a room ready for Sasuke on the second floor and take him some food for when he regains consciousness."

"This is all Kiba's fault," Ino snapped crossly, getting out of her seat rather huffily.

" –What are you fucking talking about?" Kiba snorted.

"…Shouldn't have stolen his hand," Neji remarked flatly.

" –Or his head…" Sakura muttered.

"Hurry up," Kisame growled warningly, scowling disapprovingly at his children.

" –But dad…" Suigetsu complained.

"Now, Suigetsu," Kisame snapped, and his tone was final.

"No –you are not taking my brother anywhere until you tell me what the fuck that was!" Itachi growled; his voice cold and dangerous.

"I'll explain everything," Kisame assured him, "Come to the kitchen and we'll talk; your little brother is perfectly safe."

"Perfectly safe?" Itachi mocked, "What the hell –" Suddenly, there was that same flash of light and he spun around to discover that Sasuke was no longer lying on the ground. 

"Where is he?"

"In a room on the second floor," Kisame replied simply, gesturing for him to follow him as his children gathered up what could be salvaged from their dinner and sullenly stalked off to their respective rooms. Itachi could've sworn that he saw Shikamaru melt into a shadow on the floor and drift up the wall and through the roof –he really didn't know what to expect now.

A little weak from shock, but not wanting to show it, he followed Kisame into the kitchen; anxious to know if his brother was all right. Sure, Sasuke could be a pain in the ass, but he was still his little brother and after what he had just witnessed, he definitely did not want him to be alone with any of these people. If the man he was alone with hadn't been a six-foot-five, giant blue man made of muscle, Itachi might've thought about running and looking for Sasuke.

As it was; that was probably not a good idea…and there were still those other people…things…in the house.

He sat; and he probably looked a little queasy because a few moments later, a large glass of water and a plate of toast and chicken were placed on the bench beside him. Kisame sighed heavily. Earlier that day he had told his kids that they would be having a guest from the city coming to visit them; looking to buy Samehada Manor. Of course, this news hadn't been well received. Still, he'd asked them to be on their best behaviour; no funny business; no terrifying their guest, and there had been a few half-hearted promises, (most of which he knew to be outright lies). In all honesty, he wasn't too surprised that dinner had turned out like this.

Knowing that there was probably not a huge likelihood that Itachi was going to take this well, Kisame sighed again and turned to face the Uchiha, who had apparently sculled the water and taken several bites of his food while he had been lost in thought.

"I can explain," he assured him.

"…This better be fucking good…" Itachi remarked flatly; wondering if Kisame was going to try and convince him that what he'd seen hadn't been real.

But most of all, he was hoping that his brother was all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's the story behind these strange inhabitants? And is Sasuke all right? Find out, next chapter!   
> xx K


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke groaned uncomfortably and blinked several times to wake himself up. His head and his back was aching and he was apparently lying on an incredibly comfortable bed.

Also, there appeared to be a very curious set of blue eyes only millimetres away from his face.

"What the hell?" Sasuke snapped, reeling backwards and scampering back across the bed and toppling off the bed. As he vanished over the edge, he saw a flash of light, and felt himself slamming back against something solid. He looked over his shoulder and let out a surprised yelp as he realised that the blonde was sitting right behind him again.

"Get away from me!" Sasuke snapped, leaping to his feet and backing away several metres; nearly tripping over his luggage -when had that been brought inside?

"You really are normal, aren't you?" Naruto remarked curiously, "Wow…"

"Of course I'm normal!" the raven glared, and then took a deep breath when it appeared that Naruto was making no move to approach him, "What…what did you just do?" Naruto just beamed back at him.

"I teleported," he replied simply.

"Teleported," Sasuke repeated flatly.

"Yeah," Naruto grinned, "Like, now I'm here…" he suddenly disappeared in a quick flash of light and reappeared instantly across the other side of the room, "And now I'm here! Teleporting." Sasuke just stared at him disbelievingly and Naruto sighed heavily.

"I can turn myself into atoms and travel at the speed of light," he offered by way of explanation, "Like…I can become a current…Watch!" He clicked, and he'd disappeared once again, but the TV in the corner of the room had turned itself on and now there was Naruto; dancing around on screen.

"Neat party trick, right?" he chuckled; amused by Sasuke's wide eyes as he rematerialized as a human beside the TV, "Real cheap to travel too; anywhere with power and I can go there!" Sasuke just took a seat on the bed.

"This is not happening…" he muttered, "What…what is happening?" Naruto sighed again.

"Welcome to Konoha," he remarked flatly, "…Probably the most supernatural town in the northern hemisphere."

"…Supernatural?" Sasuke spat incredulously.

"Yeah, you know; weird stuff," Naruto shrugged, "Heaps of people in the town are you know…like me. You're not going to try and run away, are you?"

"Just don't…teleport…" Sasuke muttered as the blonde headed over to stand beside the door; looking at Sasuke with some kind of excited fascination, "What, so you're saying that lots of people in this town can like…teleport?" Naruto pondered this question for a moment.

"No, not necessarily," he shrugged, "I mean, like…Neji can see through walls and is kind of like a warlock coz he can put people to sleep by touching them…Kiba can turn into a dog…there are like vampires in town and stuff –"

"Wait…Kiba can turn into a dog?" Sasuke repeated flatly. "And vampires?"

"Yeah; all of us here are supernaturals," Naruto replied brightly, excited that Sasuke was catching on, "Suigetsu can turn his whole body into water…Deidara's pyrokinetic; Shikamaru's psychic and can like turn himself into a shadow; and Hidan's got his whole…dismemberment thing going on –he can detach any part of his body –and I mean any part; you should've seen Sakura's face one Christmas after Hidan heard that song from the Lonely Island…"

" –You talk too much," Sasuke grumbled, holding his head agitatedly. "Why are you bothering me?"

"No need to be an asshole," Naruto stuck his tongue out cheekily.

"I am not an asshole," Sasuke snapped irritably, "Where am I?"

"In your room on the second floor," Naruto replied, "I thought you'd like this wing better because Shikamaru said you're really smart, and since he and Neji are really smart we thought you'd prefer it here with them."

" –Shikamaru said…"

"He can read minds," Naruto explained, "Also, Neji says you have a big dick." Sasuke glared up at him coldly and the blonde simply chuckled. "Man, if you had laser vision, I would be toast right now!" Suddenly, Sasuke felt something dripping on him and looked up. With a shocked expression he scrambled off the bed again when he saw the face of Suigetsu peering down at him; apparently seeping down through the roof.

"Ooh, so the new guy's up now?" Suigetsu remarked curiously, "Come on Naruto; bring him out so we can meet him!"

"Dad's gonna be pissed if he finds out you're not in your room," Naruto frowned, folding his arms.

"Screw dad," Suigetsu chuckled, "Come on; we're dying to meet him! Dad's busy anyway! Bring him out!"

"What do you say, Sasuke? Want to meet everyone?" Naruto grinned excitedly.

"No," Sasuke replied flatly; briefly wondering how they knew his name and then remembering that there was a guy who could read minds. Apparently Naruto didn't know the meaning of the word 'no' because he grabbed Sasuke's elbow and began to drag him from his room.

The girl named Ino was sitting on the banister with a small smile.

"Come on, Sasuke! You're going to be living with us, remember?" Naruto chuckled; ignoring the raven's efforts to shrug him off, "This is Ino; she can control nature –and she can read minds too, so…" Ino giggled and held out a hand; a seed in her palm. Before Sasuke's eyes it sprouted and then bloomed into a beautiful flower.

"…Pity you're not straight…" she whispered in his ear as she tucked it into the pocket of his shirt. Sasuke flinched away from her and resisted the urge to clamp his hands over his ears as if that would keep her from probing his mind.

"She and Sakura live on the other wing," Naruto explained, "Same with me and Kiba."

" –Sakura's doing her homework," Ino informed the two boys as Sasuke was dragged off to where Shikamaru and Neji were apparently relaxing in a communal lounge. Shikamaru was taking a drag from his cigarette.

"I thought dad said to let the guy rest?" he commented with a yawn.

" –Well, I thought that since he's going to be living with us, he should get to meet us, right?" Naruto grinned widely, "And come on! He hasn't screamed and run from the house yet."

"He's thinking about it," Shikamaru muttered, puffing smoke in Neji's direction; much to the distaste of the brunette. Sasuke glared at them both and managed to tug his arm free from the blonde; who yelled something about finding Kiba before vanishing in a flash of light.

"What is that guy's problem?" Sasuke muttered flatly; noting that Shikamaru and Neji both appeared to be relatively normal.

"…Lonely," they both replied at the same time.

"But he's sure taken a liking to you already," Shikamaru shrugged, "Don't see why. Your memories show that you're kind of a douchebag…but then again; he can't see them…"

"Naruto likes people," Neji informed Sasuke flatly, "A trait that we tend to dislike in him. He brings new friends home; one of us slips up –"

" –Usually Hidan…"

" –And Shikamaru has to erase their memories and send them packing," Neji finished, "…You, at least, haven't started trying to exorcise us."

"Tch…" Sasuke responded, folding his arms. There was a sudden explosion from somewhere upstairs and he started in surprise.

"That'd be Deidara," Shikamaru informed him with a sigh, stubbing out what remained of his cigarette. "If you're going to be living here…you might as well get used to it."

"Oh, I don't intend to be staying here long," Sasuke assured him coldly.

"That is completely fine with us," Neji sniffed haughtily, "Just as long as you take your brother and your thieving company with you when you go. We'd rather like to keep our house, thank you."

A big, brown dog suddenly bounded into the room and pounced on Sasuke; sending the raven flying unceremoniously to the ground. It ran its huge tongue across his face and then in a smooth transition, changed back into Kiba. The brunette laughed at the astonished face Sasuke was wearing at having him perched on his chest.

"Get off me," Sasuke snapped irritably.

"Man; you are no fun," Kiba snorted, rolling his eyes and getting up off the Uchiha.

"Leave the guy alone," Sakura suddenly remarked from the doorway, shepherding Sasuke away from the lounge and back out onto the landing, "Kiba; go play fetch or something."

Kiba just stuck his tongue out and shifted back into the shape of a dog before bounding off down the hallway again.

"Don't let them bother you too much," she commented in a slightly apologetic tone, "They're nice guys; really."

"Of course they are," Sasuke replied dryly as she turned to look back into the lounge and hollered, "Guys; dad said homework. Don't make me come in there! You too, Naruto; I know you're somewhere in the hallway…"

"Yes, Sakura," Naruto muttered, having been bowled over by Kiba and now playing tug of war with the mutt. "…I just wanted to show Sasuke around…"

"You can do that later," Sakura snorted; hands on hips. "After he's had something to eat and his brother's been to see him. You don't need to go freaking him out right now!" Naruto pouted childishly, before beaming that joy-filled grin back at the raven.

"This is going to be so exciting! A normal person!" Naruto chuckled, "Even if you already seem kind of like an antisocial bastard..." He grinned when Sasuke glared back and folded his arms. The blonde stomped his foot and vanished.

"I'm sure your brother will be up to see you when he's sorted everything out with dad," Sakura remarked lightly, waving Sasuke away dismissively as she turned her back, "Don't worry; we all hope you leave soon, too." Sasuke stared after her, feeling…scolded. No one had ever really spoken to him in such a condescending way before –apart from Itachi,  
that was. Who the hell did these people think they were? With an annoyed noise, he spun around and stalked back to his room to unpack.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Itachi was listening intently; waiting to hear whatever explanation Kisame seemed to think he had.

"My parents bought me this house when I was really young," Kisame informed him; having been wondering how to start, "I looked…well…like this…and they thought that it would be best if I grew up away from other kids who might be scared of me. So I pretty much grew up in this house." Itachi nodded for him to continue.

"When I was eighteen, my parents died and left this place to me; and one day I found this little six year old kid playing in the sheds on the property. He had an axe, and he was repetitively cutting off his own hand…" Kisame explained, "Naturally, I was freaked out…but that kid was Hidan, and he was totally fine…"

"…If by 'fine' you mean psychotic," Itachi muttered under his breath.

" –I let him live here; he had no parents and no one wanted a 'freak' like him," Kisame shrugged, "And that same year, someone brought a baby to the doorstep; saying that they couldn't handle having a freak for a kid…" He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "These orphans just sort of seemed drawn to the place here –and with um…strange…abilities that you witnessed tonight. Konoha has a reputation for the supernatural, after all."

"That sure would've been nice to know," Itachi snapped through gritted teeth.

"So yeah; I've got the eight kids here now; and Hidan," the big man continued, "I've raised them like they were my own kids...And I swear they aren't dangerous. They're just trying to live their lives like normal teenagers. We don't get guests much, and they don't really like 'normal' people since well…they've had a rough time."

Itachi took a deep breath and let it out slowly, pressing two fingers to his brow.

"…So you're telling me…that these kids here…all have some weird kind of…power?" he muttered.

"Essentially, yes," Kisame replied, "I know it's hard to believe…but yeah. Shikamaru's psychic and doesn't know when to butt out of other people's minds ; he's also a genius –Naruto can teleport, but he can't always control it; like when he sneezes…and Suigetsu can turn his body to water –but he tends to melt in hot weather…"

"What's your point?" Itachi remarked flatly.

" –They're just normal kids with…something special about them," Kisame shrugged, "They're just…special. And we'd love to have you to stay; even if just to prove that we don't mean any trouble. And this is where they can just use their abilities however they like." Itachi pondered this for a moment. Supernatural? Well...maybe he could believe that... And to be fair, the only dangerous one seemed to be that Hidan...Maybe it would be worth sticking around; just to find out a bit more...and of course to assess the house.

"Is Sasuke okay?" he finally inquired.

"Definitely," Kisame assured him, "He's probably with Naruto; that kid loves making friends."

" –Sasuke hates making friends," Itachi chuckled.

"…Then Naruto's going to love trying even more," he laughed, "Um…and about selling the place?"

"Yes?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, "You've been so adamant about not selling for so long; why change your mind?"

"Times are getting hard," Kisame replied simply, "There are ten of us here; school and college to pay for; food to put on the table, and there's only so many hours in a day." He gave a dry chuckle, "But yeah; if you want to stay a while; you can inspect the place and see what it's worth and we can talk business."

"…I…I suppose that's fair," Itachi frowned, "…I still don't…I still…"

"Still don't believe me about the kids?" Kisame smirked, "Fair enough. I give it…maybe two days here until you start rethinking everything you knew about the supernatural.  
Konoha…well…it's a special kind of place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sasuke and Itachi are staying at Samehada Manor! What's it going to be like living in this madhouse? What does school and even daily life hold for Sasuke? Especially since...well... they don't seem to like him all that much. Is this going to change?  
> Next chapter will be up very soon!  
> xx K


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which mornings turn out to be more than Sasuke bargained for...

There was a loud explosion from somewhere upstairs and Sasuke was immediately jolted from his sleep. Almost automatically, he flung himself off his bed and landed in a tangled pile of sheets as a startled Suigetsu dissolved through the roof and tumbled straight down onto his bed in a pile of water, before quickly reforming as human.

"Sorry," Suigetsu chuckled; eyeing the ruffled Uchiha on the floor.

"…Fucking hell…" Sasuke growled as the other boy casually headed for the door; not looking in the least bit sorry. It was Monday morning again…and the morning routine of this household was driving him absolutely insane; even after only a week!

* * *

 

**Last week…**

Monday morning had come around, and the younger Uchiha had been filled with apprehension about his first day of school. Unfortunately, he had had a rather rude awakening by apparently having a large bucket of water dumped on him.

Coughing and spluttering and completely drenched, Suigetsu had formed as a human on top of him; laughing his head off.

"You should have seen your face!" he snorted, grinning wildly, "Sorry man; Deidara likes to shock me out of sleep and well…" He looked up at the roof where there was a large patch of moisture to indicate that he had fallen through the floor of his room as a puddle of water.

"…Get off me…" Sasuke snapped, shoving the other boy off him and realising that he was completely drenched. After managing to have a shower and find some dry clothes, he'd headed off to the kitchen to discover that there was a fire on the kitchen bench and Deidara was apparently cooking toast over it.

"What the hell?" Sasuke exclaimed.

" –Move over," Sakura snorted, shoving him aside. The force propelled him so hard into the wall that he was slightly winded and could only gasp for breath as she snatched one of the pieces of toast levitating in thin air as she passed. "Naruto! Go get Shikamaru up!"

"On it!" Naruto chuckled to himself as he appeared in a flash of light; grabbing a piece of toast before vanishing again. A few seconds later, there was a hoarse yell and something went flying out from one of the second storey windows; only to vanish again before hitting the ground. All the toast suddenly dropped; being caught narrowly by Sakura and Deidara.

"What was that?" Sasuke demanded.

" –Shikamaru," Sakura shrugged.

"You threw him out a window?" he exclaimed flatly.

" –He's not very good at getting up," she replied, "Dei; where's the coffee at?"

"Quit bossing me around, yeah!" Deidara snapped huffily as he clicked his fingers. A fire started up under the kettle and it quickly began to boil. Sasuke just moodily grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl; only to have it snatched by a severed hand that just happened to be running through the kitchen at that time.

"OW! Deidara, you little shit!" Hidan crowed from the foyer as Deidara smirked and a fire appeared underneath the hand.

"Keep your nasty hands to yourself, yeah!" the blonde shouted back aggressively. Sasuke had decided that going to school without breakfast couldn't hurt.

* * *

 

**Tuesday morning**

Sasuke woke up shivering and completely soaked through.

"Suigetsu!" he shouted angrily, shoving the other boy off his bed. The white-haired teenager laughed hysterically at the sight of the rather annoyed Uchiha. The raven had grabbed his towel and headed off to have a shower.

So there he was, fuming away and trying to warm up again, when all of a sudden…

"WAHHH!" Sasuke suddenly felt something heavy connect with him and he went plummeting to the floor of the shower with something on top of him. The sound of the yell and the familiar blonde hair indicated that it was Naruto.

"Why are you in my shower?" Sasuke snarled, shoving Naruto's face away from him as the blonde squirmed about; his clothes quickly becoming drenched.

"Sorry; sorry!" Naruto snapped, getting up from the Uchiha's lap and pushed back the curtain, "Kiba made me sneeze!" Sasuke immediately dragged the curtain around to try and preserve a bit of modesty. "Oh please, Uchiha; we've both got the same bits."

" –Neji says Sasuke seems to have a considerable bit more of those same bits," Shikamaru suddenly remarked; half his body appeared through the wall; the rest of it a simple shadow. He ran his lazy eyes across Sasuke's pale, naked body and raised an eyebrow.

"Oi, Suigetsu! Tell Neji he's right!" Shikamaru hollered as Sasuke aimed a punch at his face.

"Get the fuck out!" Sasuke snapped as Suigetsu's head appeared from through the roof. Naruto headed over to the mirror and began attempting to wring out his soaked shirt.

"Of course Neji's right," Suigetsu snorted, "He's the one with the X-ray vision –"

"Get out!" Sasuke snapped; a vein twitching in his brow as he wrapped a small towel around his waist and dragged Naruto out of the bathroom by the scruff of his neck.

"Come on, Sasuke; can't you take a joke?" Naruto snorted; sitting in a sodden pile outside the bathroom.

"Obviously not," Neji remarked flatly, from where he had been standing outside the bathroom and peering in at Sakura's request. Shikamaru suddenly materialised through the wall –apparently having been flung out as the door slammed shut.

"Well, he's not a morning person, is he?" Shikamaru muttered flatly.

"I can still hear you," Sasuke assured him in a cold voice from through the door.

* * *

 

**Wednesday morning**

"Deidara! Get out of the bathroom; you're taking forever!"

"Piss off Sakura! You always take ages, yeah!"

Sasuke jammed his pillow over his head and groaned; rolling off his bed and landing in a tired heap. There was a resounding explosion and the smell of burning hair filled the air.

"Now look what you made me do, yeah!"

Sasuke glared at no one in particular; pulling on his clothes as he decided that it was probably a better idea to shower after school today. Upon making an appearance in the hallway, he came across a shirtless Neji in a towel; probably having just finished his shower.

"Morning, Sasuke," he greeted cordially. Sasuke made a tired, non-committal noise as he looked over to see Sakura physically punching a hole in one of the bathroom doors and a flame immediately come rocketing out from it.

"Deidara!" Sakura was yelling.

"Deidara, get out of the fucking bathroom!" Hidan could be heard yelling from downstairs, "Don't make part of me come up there!"

"I'm doing my hair, yeah –" His complaint was suddenly halted by a wild yell and he and Naruto appeared in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs in a flash of light.

"Thanks, Naruto!" Sakura called out cheerfully.

"Bitch!" Deidara snapped crossly, his hair flopping into his face. One of Hidan's hands scampered up onto his shoulder and tugged at his cheek mockingly. He just pouted; folding his arms and huffing out a small puff of fire. Sasuke had just reached the stairs when all of a sudden something shoved him from behind and he went tumbling head over heels down the staircase to land on top of Naruto at the bottom.

"Morning, Sasuke!" Naruto greeted with that ridiculous grin of his.

"Tch…" Sasuke muttered, his face turning up in disgust as he removed himself from on top of the blonde; only to be pushed back on top of him as a large, smelly, furry weight landed on his back. Naruto burst out laughing.

"Hey Kiba!" he greeted, reaching up past Sasuke's shoulders to grab something from the shaggy dog's mouth. Sasuke flinched as he felt soft hands accidentally brush against his cheek and settled with glaring at Kiba over his shoulder until the heavy dog leapt up. Kiba the dog barked several times before chasing his own tail and then sprinting after Hidan's fleeing hand.

Sasuke groaned; laboriously dragging himself off Naruto and rubbing his aching body. Damn, that fall down the stairs had hurt. He'd been lucky he hadn't broken anything.

* * *

 

Thursday, Friday and Saturday mornings had progressed in much the same fashion; the same terrible wakeup; the same inability of the housemates to let him shower in peace and privacy…Deidara had set him on fire twiceand so of course Suigetsu had 'felt obliged' to completely drench him twice. Thursday morning he was the one being thrown out the window as a good morning…Kiba bowled him down the stairs on both Friday and Saturday…

He'd also sort of given up on breakfast. There was no way to get in on a piece of toast or a coffee when there were eight other people getting ready to go to school. They'd snatch up all the food and all be off out the door; yelling some sort of farewell to Kisame.

And so, as usual, Sasuke had been left to walk to school by himself. He was totally fine with that; he didn't think he could deal with the idle chatter and the yelling all the way to school as well. Sunday he'd slept in and hadn't noticed everyone leaving. When he'd finally emerged, he'd found Itachi in the kitchen and been informed that most of them had headed out to work –much like they had on Saturday. He hadn't known that most of them had jobs.

And now…now it was Monday again. Oh hooray.

As he exited his room he ducked as a flaming lamp went flying past him; only to be caught by Suigetsu as he emerged from Sasuke's room.

"Oi! Deidara; dad said not to light the furniture on fire or you're grounded!" he hollered to the landing up a floor.

"Hidan was in my fucking room!" Deidara shouted back; his hair falling messily across his face, "He stole my hair-straightener, damn it!"

"Oh you're such a fucking girl, Dei-Dei," Hidan's head chanted mockingly; rolling down the banister and being caught by the rest of his body, "Now who the fuck stole my left foot?"

"It's in Shikamaru's room," Neji called, heading downstairs stiffly, "Someone get him up? It's not my turn –"

"I'll do it!" Ino cackled gleefully, and Sasuke just knew that there were vines growing up into Shikamaru's room. The vines would grab him and dangle him out his window.

…A shout of "INO!" informed him that his guess was correct. Apprehensive, he headed over to the nearest bathroom for a shower. No sooner had he stepped under the hot water that the door was completely kicked in.

"What now?" Sasuke growled, wrenching back the curtain; not even caring who it was this time.

" –I just needed my shampoo…" Sakura remarked; leaning into the shower and smirking at him, "…Man…Such a pity you're not straight…Although to be fair, you're kind of a jackass…"

"Get out," the raven glared darkly. She just rolled her eyes and left the bathroom again. He pulled the curtain closed again rather irritably and held his hands over his ears as there was a serious of explosions from upstairs; presumably as Hidan discovered that his foot had been hidden in Shikamaru's room by Deidara as punishment for something…He lost track of what Deidara got angry about.

After managing to get clean after only having two more people see him naked, Sasuke headed down to the kitchen; really hoping that there were few enough people that he might actually be able to nab a coffee this morning.

Before even reaching the kitchen, however, he was knocked to the floor by Kiba the human as he sprinted off with Akamaru in tow. Sasuke huffed crossly; brushing his bangs back into place as Suigetsu promptly stepped on him as he traipsed towards the front door with his skateboard.

"Sorry; didn't see you there," he cackled with a smirk. Glaring and rather annoyed, the raven tried to stand up again; only ending up getting kicked in the ass by one of Hidan's legs that had gone walkabout.

"…You're fucking kidding me…" he snapped in irritation, grabbing the leg by its ankle and promptly flinging it up the stairs as hard as he possibly could.

"You bastard!" Hidan snapped from somewhere upstairs.

"Don't kick me," Sasuke growled back; finding himself roughly shoved into the wall by some unseen force as Shikamaru used his telekinesis to clear the way for he and Neji to head off to school. "Shikamaru –" Before he could finish his threat, Shikamaru had flicked his wrist and forced the raven to non-too-gently whack his head on the roof before slumping to the ground; the force removed.

"Itachi…you're going to fucking pay for bringing me along…" he vowed as he retrieved his bag; rubbing his throbbing head. He pushed open the door to the kitchen and promptly swore as a flaming knife went soaring past him; singeing the edge of his sleeve.

"Oh…thought you were Hidan, yeah," Deidara muttered crossly, flicking his hair and stalking out; extinguishing the fire as he did so. Sasuke groaned when he saw that the jug was empty and the coffee gone. It was going to be another of those weeks, wasn't it?

With a sigh of resignation, he turned to leave and found his way blocked by a familiar blonde.

"Yo, Sasuke!" he greeted brightly.

"What do you want?" Sasuke inquired darkly; not in the mood for the blonde's exuberant personality after this string of rough mornings.

"No need to be a jerk," Naruto snorted, casually throwing him an apple and holding up a takeaway coffee cup, " –And to think, I went to the effort of saving you some coffee!" He grinned that ridiculous grin once again. Sasuke caught the apple and scowled darkly. "I thought we could walk to school together? You always look lonely."

"Lonely? Give me a break," Sasuke snorted flatly; taking the coffee and leading the blonde from the kitchen and out of the house. Naruto chuckled.

" –I can't read minds like Ino or Shikamaru," he remarked conversationally, "But I sure as hell know when someone feels lonely…" He gave the raven a sympathetic look but saw that Sasuke was ignoring him. Blue eyes softened slightly. He recognised the coldness around Sasuke; and the distant look in his eyes –it was a look of a person who, even surrounded by people, felt very alone. He knew the feeling…and didn't like seeing it on someone else.

He didn't know why someone as well off as an Uchiha could feel so alone, but didn't want to pry. So he just grinned, and the two of them walked to school in silence for the start of a new week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these kids don't like 'normal' kids all that much, do they? They have no time for Sasuke...except maybe our favourite blonde! Will Sasuke make a friend? Will life at the Manor get easier? What is school like?  
> Well, we'll find out soon, won't we?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a hard life, being different
> 
> But life's no fun when it's easy, right?

 

 

Something Sasuke had quickly come to realise was that when you went to school with supernaturals, life was never boring.

It was second period on that same Monday, and he'd somehow managed to survive a whole week in the same class as an array of very strange, probably slightly unstable people. Currently, he and his desk were floating about a metre above the floor, since Shikamaru was asleep.

Half the class was levitating in mid-air; apparently quite used to this sort of thing happening. Naruto had assured him that whenever Shikamaru went to sleep he tended to lose a bit of control over his telekinetic abilities and sometimes things went a bit haywire. Sasuke was a little relieved that the worst thing that he'd had to deal with was trying to reach his pen when it fell to the floor and he was still dangling in the air.

"Hey, Naruto…watch this…" Suigetsu whispered while their teacher was busy writing something on the board. Naruto grinned widely as a small orb of water began to bead on the end of Suigetsu's fingertip. The white-haired teen chuckled to himself and flicked his hand, sending the water pellet whipping towards Shikamaru and hitting him in the neck hard enough to bruise.

Immediately, Shikamaru jolted awake and the desks and chairs thudded to the ground; Sasuke's chair collapsing out from under him and his body slamming into the floor. The entire class burst out laughing as he let out an annoyed groan and gathered up his bruised body from the crumpled chair.

"Spare chairs are in the hall cupboard," the teacher remarked in a bored tone; not even bothering to turn around. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Naruto; asking for an explanation.

"…Shikamaru falls asleep quite a lot," Naruto replied with a short laugh. All of a sudden, Kiba's head bolted up and he sniffed the air in delight.

"Window!" Ino yelled out and the window sprang up immediately as Shikamaru clicked his hands; just before a huge brown, shaggy shape went bounding out through the window; barking as he went.

"…Squirrel," Sakura replied when Sasuke just stared. He blinked several times and sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead in exasperation.

Fortunately he managed to survive until lunchtime without another broken chair, and it was to his great relief that they were dismissed by the bell. He grabbed his bag and was one of the first students out of the classroom.

"Hey, Sasuke, want to come hang out with us for lunch?" Naruto asked; like he had every lunchtime for the past week. And just like every time he asked, Sasuke snorted a "No" and stalked over to one of the trees by the courtyard to hopefully eat in peace.

Naruto's shoulders slumped and he glared at the raven's back; sticking out his tongue.

"Hey, new kid; what're you doing talking to the weirdo kids?" a guy appeared at Sasuke's elbow as he sat on one of the benches. Dark eyes slid across to glare at him.

"…He won't leave me alone," he offered as a flat response.

"Yeah, that asshole's a bit like that…" he snorted, taking a seat and apparently not noticing the Uchiha's eyebrow twitch at being forced to spend time with someone, "Yo, Kabuto! Tayuya! Over here!"

From what Sasuke had experienced, this school day was like any other day. He'd learnt pretty quickly that the 'normal' and the 'supernatural' kids all knew who was who, and that the 'normals' hated the 'supernaturals' and were often jackasses to them –the supernaturals unable to use their abilities in case any passers-by happened to see. And Naruto appeared to love getting into fights; even if he was likely going to lose.

Sasuke was pretty sure he'd watched Dosu tip the blonde into a trashcan about a dozen times in just over a week; Naruto seemed to thrive on the challenge. Of course, he would always be fished out by one of his sisters, who would scold him for ruining his clothes…then Naruto would go right back to challenging Dosu or Kimimaro or one of the other guys.

Neji seemed to be the one to step in the most. Apparently he at least was a little respected among the normal students; probably because he was a martial arts expert without any need to rely on his supernaturalism. Sasuke had chuckled along with the rest of the school yard when the assholes had backed down when faced with Neji, and the long-haired brunette had dragged Naruto aside for a stern talking-to.

Unfortunately, those same assholes had decided that since Sasuke was 'normal', he wanted to hang out with them, and since they didn't bother him, and they kept Naruto from bugging him, he didn't protest.

* * *

After school, much like the week before, they all headed off in their separate directions; Neji went to the library with Sakura…actually, Sasuke didn't know where they all went because he didn't care to ask.

Most of the other days he'd walked home with Suigetsu, but today he apparently had soccer practice, so the Uchiha was left to walk the lonely road back to Samehada Manor. It didn't bother him really; it was nice to finally have some peace and quiet; he knew it was probably the closest to alone he was going to get.

Itachi was sitting on the porch reading a book when he arrived back.

"Afternoon, Sasuke," Itachi greeted cheerfully, "How was school?"

"Boring," Sasuke replied flatly.

" –Have any homework?"

"I did it all in class…"

"Well that can't have been easy," Itachi chuckled, closing his book and following him into the house, "…I've been talking to Deidara –he mentioned that things can be difficult when Shikamaru falls asleep…"

" –He falls asleep literally every twenty minutes," Sasuke snorted, heading to the kitchen to fix himself a snack, "He's got to have been cheating to have a full scholarship…"

"Now, now Sasuke," Itachi tutted, setting the kettle on to boil, "Play nicely."

"Play  _nice_?" Sasuke snapped, "You drag me out of school; to this fucking  _nuthouse_ and expect me to play  _nice_?" Itachi expression darkened slightly and he folded his arms.

"…You should at least make an effort with them," he remarked flatly, "Sasuke, we might be here for another few months –"

"A few months?" Sasuke repeated darkly.

" –Yes, that's what I said," Itachi informed him, "I don't think Kisame is going to be willing to sell; so it won't be easy to convince him…"

"You expect me to –"

"Sasuke, we all have things in life we don't want to do," Itachi reminded him coldly, "If you're ever to enter into the family business, you're going to have to grow up and accept that." Sasuke just folded his arms crossly, "Why don't you just  _try_  getting to know these kids; they're all about your age…"

"They're only a few years younger than you; why don't  _you_  hang out with them?" Sasuke snorted coldly.

"Well, if I'm being honest, you could use a few more friends," Itachi replied mockingly.

"I don't need friends."

Itachi just sighed again at his brother's stubbornness and took a seat to have his coffee as Sasuke finished making himself a snack. Before his elder brother could lecture him any more, the younger Uchiha stalked from the kitchen with a snort of "I'm going to do my homework."

"…But you said you finished…" Itachi tried to say, but the door was already swinging shut behind him. He sighed, brushing the bangs back off his face in exasperation. True, he and Sasuke had never had the most friendly of relationships…but it would be nice if he listened to him  _sometimes_.

"Your little brother has one serious attitude problem, yeah," the familiar voice of Deidara remarked in amusement as he entered through the sliding door in an apron covered in clay.

"No kidding," Itachi replied dryly, sipping at his coffee, "How's the art going?"

"Slow, yeah," the blonde shrugged, helping himself to some of the pre-prepared coffee, "Portfolio is coming along well, but it's hard to get it together with a job and all…"

"Oh, you work?"

"…Supermarket, yeah," Deidara muttered, "…Used to run art classes for kids…then people found out about the whole…" He clicked to prove his point and a nearby apple went up in flames and dissolved into ash.

"Ahh," Itachi remarked conversationally, "I see…" He was silent for a moment as Deidara brushed his hair back across his face.

"So, you like our house, yeah?" he inquired flatly.

" –It's beautiful," Itachi replied thoughtfully, "A little…water and fire damaged perhaps…" He gave Deidara a pointed look, "But the architecture itself is truly spectacular and the grounds…"

* * *

Itachi and Deidara were still conversing when Shikamaru was dragged downstairs by Ino for dinner.

"Hey Dei, you want something?" Ino inquired, rummaging around in the fridge, "I'm making pasta for me and Shika…"

"Nah; I still have coupons for a free meal at the diner downtown," Deidara replied, "We probably need to do another shopping trip, yeah?"

"Maybe," Ino replied honestly, holding the fridge open. Itachi nearly dropped his coffee when he realised that the fridge was practically empty except for a block of cheese and some various jams, "I'll go get some vegetables from the garden…Itachi, could you make sure Shikamaru doesn't fall asleep?"

" –Is that all the food you have?" Itachi remarked flatly, "To feed ten of you?"

"Nine," Deidara corrected, "Dad doesn't come home for dinner much so that he doesn't use up the food; his bosses are usually pretty understanding and give him a free feed each shift."

"Actually, I was wondering where Kisame was," Itachi frowned.

" –Probably got called into work today," Shikamaru shrugged as Neji entered the kitchen and headed for the freezer.

"…He told me he had the day off today to show me around the gardens," Itachi queried.

" –Yeah; it's his day off at the freezing works," Shikamaru yawned, "But he could've got called in to work at the building site or out on the farm…"

"What?"

"He works three jobs," Neji informed Itachi calmly, "Sometimes more, when he can fit the hours in."

" –Three jobs…" Itachi remarked; very shocked but trying not to show it, "Why –"

"…There are nine of us to feed," Neji replied haughtily, "Seven of whom are male; and three of them are bottomless pits." He gave Itachi a cold look, "He's just trying to keep us fed. Naruto and Deidara are useful for some heating expenses, but not all."

"Oi," Deidara snapped.

" –I meant no offense," Neji snorted, "Can you please defrost my dinner?" He slid the frozen container across the bench and Deidara huffily tapped it with a finger and caused it to melt until it was steaming hot.

"I hope you choke on that," the blonde snapped snidely.

"I can't believe you're older than me," Neji sniffed in response, rolling his shoulders superiorly and heading off to eat his dinner in his room.

"Little asshole, yeah," Deidara muttered, rolling his eyes as he stuck his tongue out at the door as it swung shut behind Neji.

"I saw that, Deidara!" Neji's cold voice could be heard hollering back.

"I'm gonna go to the diner before it closes, yeah," Deidara informed Itachi, "If you want food, just get one of the others to make it for you when they get home. Or, since you can afford it; restaurants in town have good food."

Somehow, after seeing that fridge, Itachi didn't feel hungry. He sat there and made polite conversation as the teenagers all came and went; all searching desperately for some food in the fridge or the freezer. Apparently some of them, like Neji, had made a heap of meals and frozen them while the food was still around.

Ino had brought in an abundance of vegetables from the garden and made a meal for herself and Shikamaru; even offering some up to Itachi. The elder Uchiha had refused; it didn't feel right eating their food.

"…Do you always eat like this?" he inquired of Suigetsu when he, Kiba and Naruto made an appearance after their soccer practice.

"Like what?" Naruto inquired curiously; halfway through a carrot, "Like, not together? Well, yeah; we all get home at different times and since dad isn't home…" He shrugged and took another bite of the carrot as Suigetsu busied himself with makeshift sandwiches for the three of them.

"…Why are your cupboards all empty?" Itachi rephrased his question, "Are they always…"

"…Usually," Kiba chuckled with a shrug, "I mean, sure, we could steal food, or money and stuff…but dad's raised us better than that. And he makes sure there's always something around –Ino's helpful for growing vegetables too…" It was then that Itachi noticed something that he hadn't bothered to pay attention to earlier.

The teenagers had had such vibrant personalities that he hadn't looked at what they were wearing. Their clothes were worn; patched up; a little stained, but like someone had obviously gone to great lengths to disguise this. Naruto apparently seemed to notice Itachi's eyes widening because he laughed.

" –Yeah, we look a little second-hand, right?" he laughed, tugging at his shirt, "These are Deidara's old things. Kiba got most of Hidan's things since he's bigger than the rest of us…" He scowled; apparently quite cross about this. Kiba just laughed and ruffled the blonde's hair.

"We should probably take better care of these things," Suigetsu admitted, and Itachi was drawn to the fact that all their clothes seemed to be a little ill-fitting, "With all the work dad's had to do on the house because of us –" He coughed self-consciously, " –And food and power, and school…he sometimes can't get us new clothes for our birthdays…"

" –Oi! Guys! Come play!" Ino hollered from somewhere outside. Instantly, Kiba had turned into a dog and had wolfed down his sandwich; bolting out the sliding door and down the porch stairs to the lawn.

"You should come play with us some time," Naruto grinned as Itachi headed out onto the porch, "You're a whole lot nicer than Sasuke –"

" –Ahem…" there was a cough from the side door and Naruto stuck out his tongue as he noticed that Sasuke had overheard everything. Not caring, the blonde and Suigetsu ran down off the porch to join where Ino, Neji and two large dogs were kicking around a ball. Itachi just smiled as he looked over at what appeared to be an after-dinner tradition several times a week; a bit of a game of soccer, or  _something_.

"Why don't you play, Sasuke?" Itachi inquired, mostly just mocking the fact that Sasuke never would've considered joining in. He'd expected some sort of smartass comment, but received nothing.

Little did he know that Sasuke had been sitting on that porch for quite some time now. He'd overheard most of the conversations that had been going on in the kitchen and was mulling over what he'd heard.

Back in the city, he'd lived a life of luxury. Everything he ever wanted was paid for; hell, he had his own car and a healthy trust fund. He was the most popular kid in school; when he spoke (though rarely), everyone listened. People waited on him hand and foot. But here…

Sure, the weird kids lived in a massive mansion, but they were practically broke; struggling for food and stuck in rags. They were hated at school; forced to live in secret and cut off from society…their lives were practically the opposite of his in every respect.

So as Sasuke looked down at the lawn and saw them gambolling across the grass; laughing (and Suigetsu dousing his siblings with water), he had to wonder…

…Why were they so happy…when he (he had to admit) had never really been anything but miserable?

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Sasuke make an effort to find out?  
> He's finding himself intrigued, despite himself! How's the dynamic going to change?


	6. Chapter 6

With a yawn, Sasuke stalked up the driveway towards the manor; brushing his hair back off his forehead. As he did so, he winced as his fingers passed over the nasty bruise he was sporting beside his right eye. A brief look at his watch told him that it was nearly seven. Itachi should be out; he had a dinner meeting scheduled in a city a few hours away. Good; he'd be able to sneak in without him noticing the black eye; Itachi would  _definitely_ scold him for fighting in school.

"Evening," Neji greeted flatly as he ascended the stairs when Sasuke opened the front door. Usually they exchanged cold glances whenever they met like this, but this time, Neji just nodded at him. Sasuke rolled his eyes and headed for the kitchen; tired after having been studying after school.

It had reached the month mark of living in a house of weirdoes, and he didn't think he was ever going to get close to understanding them; let alone tolerating them. They still refused to let him sleep in; Suigetsu  _insisted_  on drenching him in the mornings, and for some reason no one seemed to think he had the right to a shower  _without_  someone seeing him naked.

He headed towards the pantry and mini-fridge that he and Itachi had claimed as their own and began rummaging through it to sort out some dinner. Pasta. It was definitely a pasta kind of evening.

Hmm…it would probably be more energy efficient to make a large meal and freeze it instead of cooking several different ones, he thought to himself before emptying an entire bag of pasta into a pot and filling it with water to boil on the stove.

As he settled with cutting up vegetables and opening tins of tomatoes, he felt his face throbbing again. Damn, that Dosu guy had a good punch on him when he was running scared.

"What you doing, Sasuke?" Sakura's voice suddenly chirped in interest from the kitchen door.

"Playing the piano," Sasuke replied sarcastically. It was blatantly obvious what he was doing. Sakura perched herself up on the kitchen bench and swung her legs; watching him. "…Do you want something?" he asked irritably.

"Do you want some help?" she offered, and then saw his face, "Or maybe some ice?" He didn't reply, so for a moment she just sat there watching him chop things, before leaping off the bench again and joining him in dicing.

"…That was really nice what you did today," she commented conversationally; only to be met with a dark scowl.

" –Don't mention it," Sasuke snorted, "Ever." He moodily tossed his handful of vegetables into the pot he was making the pasta sauce in. Sakura just chuckled to herself.

"Are you ready for that big test that's coming up?" she inquired curiously.

"Hn," he responded noncommittally.

"I know you are," she teased, and then her expression saddened slightly. His black eyes slid across to her; knowing that she had something further to say. "I don't think most of us are…Naruto especially."

"The guy's a moron," Sasuke sniffed, and then averted his eyes when he realised that he was insulting the brother of the supernaturally strong girl who was currently holding a knife.

"He is," she agreed, after having let him sweat for a moment, "But, you know; we all have work and such."

"You  _all_  work?" he commented flatly.

"Of course," she replied brightly, "How else are we going to get Deidara through college? We all know that dad can't pay for it." Her voice was light, and there was a smile on her face, but Sasuke had already grown used to the way her smile seemed painted on. He could see the sadness in her eyes; which was strange, because he'd never been too good at reading people.

Not that he'd ever cared.

"Naruto works at one of the cafes down the road," she informed him, "He's good with tourists. Ino's at the florist, I work at the bakery, Suigetsu's a lifeguard, Neji works at the library, Shikamaru sometimes helps the cops, and Kiba works at the pet store…" She just shrugged again.

"…That's enough," was all Sasuke replied with; indicating the vegetables she'd cut. She just gave him a small smile before heading over to the other side of the kitchen to rummage through the cupboards. Sasuke looked over his shoulder and saw how bare the pantries looked. Even with all Kisame's jobs, the money just didn't seem to stretch far enough. It probably didn't help that Kisame had finally decided that Shikamaru looked  _far too_ scruffy, and had bought him some new clothes. Suigetsu had already called shotgun on them for when his brother grew out of them.

" _Listen here, you little shit; give my fucking arm back so I can fucking punch you with it!_ "

"That'll be the boys home, then," Sakura laughed, and the door was flung open and then slammed shut again as Naruto pressed himself against it.

"I'm not here," he hissed in horror, "Kiba and Akamaru attacked Hidan and he's gone  _mental_!"

"Have you seen the guy? He belongs in an institute," Sasuke snorted. Naruto pressed an ear to the door and appeared to believe that Hidan's attention had been directed to Kiba.

"Oh, hi Sasuke," Naruto mumbled, heading over to scour through the cupboards. The raven just sighed.

"…Don't worry about it," he said flatly; to no one in particular.

"What?" Sakura and Naruto inquired in unison; looking over at him. He didn't bother looking at them; just busied himself with draining the pasta.

"There's enough here for you guys," he muttered flatly.

"Serious?" Sakura inquired. Sasuke didn't deign to respond a third time, but simply began pouring the massive amount of pasta sauce into the huge pot of pasta. The pinkette gave a light squeal.

"I'll go set the table!" she exclaimed in delight; darting from the kitchen gleefully, "Naruto! You help Sasuke dish up!"

"…Why do I get stuck with him…" Naruto grumbled moodily, and Sasuke's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. Naruto began taking out plates while Sasuke mused to himself.

"…You didn't need to do that today," Naruto finally commented hesitantly, "I had everything completely under control."

"From where I stood, it looked like you were getting the crap kicked out of you," Sasuke retorted, looking across the bench into those bright, blue eyes. Naruto's face was a little bruised; much like his own, and he could see the beginnings of an ugly bruise peeking out from underneath the collar of his ill-fitting shirt.

"Yeah? Well, I didn't ask for your help," the blonde sniffed stubbornly, "You didn't need to join in."

"Those guys were assholes," was Sasuke's simple reply, and the topic was dropped. Sasuke didn't want to have to explain to Naruto that he pitied him a little; disapproved of the way that he and his siblings and the other supernaturals were treated at school and looked down on. Today at school, Sakura had practically been in tears. Neji had been pulled away to a meeting and no one else could step in; and Dosu and his gang knew it.

So Sasuke had kicked him in the face.

And he didn't know what it was, but when Kimimaro had delivered a hefty punch to him as he defended Naruto, he'd seen something cross the faces of Naruto's siblings. When the teachers came to break up the fight and he and blonde had been hauled away from their attackers, Sakura had looked at him in…gratitude; and Shikamaru had just nodded at him in quiet acknowledgement.

Annoyed at himself for the flashback, he just made a 'tch' noise.

"What?" Naruto inquired curiously. The raven remained quiet for a moment, and Naruto wondered if he'd just been hearing things. And then Sasuke spoke.

"…There's a big test coming up," he commented.

"Yeah?"

"I could…maybe…help you…if you were getting caught up with work?" the raven muttered quietly. Naruto was immediately about to burst out crossly at having been accused of needing tutoring, but then realised that one; he really was getting behind because of work, and two; this was Sasuke Uchiha  _making an effort_. So he took a deep breath to calm himself.

"That'd be great!"

So it was that Itachi arrived home to discover the dining room filled with noise. He stuck his head in and chuckled to himself when he saw his darling baby brother sitting sullenly amidst a sea of chaos. Hidan's severed head was sitting in a bowl (and quite unimpressed about it), and the younger teens were taking turns throwing food at him.

" _Just fucking feed me the goddamn food_!" Hidan snarled aggressively, " _Hey! That tomato got in my fucking eye_!"

Sasuke's eyes flicked up and caught his brother's gaze. Itachi just waved at him with the observation that that was his brother's patented 'kill me now' look; reserved for idiots and situations he hated being in. Naruto, having apparently noticed this particular look, was quite enjoying poking the raven's pale cheek with a fork. Itachi chuckled again, wondering how long it was before Sasuke snapped and started joining Hidan with the death threats. The dogs were scampering around the table, and Suigetsu was practically melting all over the place; but the atmosphere was light and friendly; minus Sasuke of course, who apparently went out of his way to act like a brat.

* * *

It was beginning to get dark. Itachi, having tired of his book and of his mother's incessant phone calls, had headed down to the kitchen to discover that Kisame had arrived home and was busying himself with something.

"Evening," he greeted and Kisame looked over his shoulder with grinned toothily.

"Well aren't you dressed for casual Friday?" the blue man chuckled. Itachi looked down and realised for the first time that he was wearing something other than dress pants and a dress shirt; having decided that jeans and a t-shirt was far more comfortable.

"Very funny," he replied flatly, "What are you doing?"

"Making lemonade," Kisame replied with a chuckle, eating an entire tablespoon of straight sugar, "The kids are playing soccer out on the lawn." He gestured with his stirring spoon and Itachi peered out the glass sliding door to see that the garden lights were on and they were kicking around what appeared to be Hidan's head. The rest of Hidan's body was apparently an obstacle that both teams had to overcome.

"What's the score?" Itachi inquired.

"Three-nil to Kiba's team," Kisame replied.

"Kiba's team never wins," the raven snorted back, taking the glass of lemonade offered to him.

"I know; but your brother's quite good," Kisame informed him casually. Itachi ungainly choked on his drink at his words, and immediately recognised Sasuke's form out on the grass, racing towards one of the goals with Naruto hot on his tail. Naruto immediately teleported until he was about to intercept the ball; only for the dog-Kiba to bowl him over as punishment for trying to cheat.

"Sasuke…is  _socialising_?" Itachi exclaimed in astonishment.

"He seemed a little unsure about using Hidan's head as a ball," Kisame shrugged; apparently satisfied with the lemonade, "…But then I think Hidan called him a 'fucking pussy little bitch' and he was suddenly all right with it." Itachi just smiled to himself and followed Kisame out onto the porch.

"Dad, you're the best!" Ino squealed in delight; running over and helping herself to a glass. Kisame ruffled her hair affectionately as the blonde girl giggled and gave Itachi and intrigued look.

"I told you, Ino; stay out of people's heads," Kisame scolded, folding his arms.

"…Yes, daddy," she muttered; prancing back over as Suigetsu and Deidara both slumped down on the stairs; exhausted.

"What happened to you?" Kisame inquired with a chuckle; Suigetsu's shirt was completely grass-stained and torn. He took a long scull of lemonade before replying.

"…It's pretty much a one-on-one out there," he commented; nodding to where Sasuke and Naruto were going head to head against each other in what appeared to be an all-out battle, "It's getting bloody. I think I stepped on like three of Hidan's teeth…"

"You should probably get a tetanus shot, yeah," Deidara smirked spitefully, "You don't know where that mouth of his has been –"

"Come here and say that you little bitch –" Hidan's head snarled before letting out an aggressive snarl as he was viciously booted across the lawn.

* * *

When the kids had finally decided to call it quits for the night (and Sakura had reminded Naruto that he had homework to do), Itachi and Kisame were left out on the porch.

"Kisame?" Itachi suddenly inquired, and the blue man stopped drinking mid-sip to raise an eyebrow at him, "I was wondering what I might be able to do to make things a little easier for you." Kisame apparently didn't understand the statement. "I mean, Sasuke and I have been living here a month and I have a lot of spare time, so I'd like to start helping out around the house."

"I wouldn't expect it of you," Kisame snorted, "You're our guest."

"I'd still like to help," Itachi informed him firmly, "Consider it payment for your children  _fixing_  my brother –" Kisame had to laugh at that. Itachi had to smile as well; he'd seen the laughter in Sasuke's eyes that evening; even if his brother didn't want to show it. "I know that there's a lot of pressure on you financially; what with feeding and clothing them and schooling."

"We get by," Kisame assured him with a shrug.

"…They're good kids," Itachi commented casually, "You've…you've done well with them."

"Why thank you, mister big-shot city businessman," the other man chuckled, "High praise coming from someone no older than them –"

"I am twenty-three, I'll have you know," Itachi scowled crossly.

"…Same age as Hidan," Kisame informed him with a laugh, "Though he'll  _never_  grow up, I swear." There was silence for a moment as Itachi frowned to himself; wondering how he could help them.

"Why  _do_  you put on such a brave face?" he inquired curiously, "It  _is_  obvious that you are struggling to afford this house –"

"These kids are all I have," Kisame replied with a shrug, beginning to gather up the empty glasses and carrying them inside. As he walked shoulder-to-shoulder with the elder man, Itachi realised just quite how much bigger he was than himself.

"My parents locked me up here because I was unusual," he added, "These kids were all abandoned too. I wanted them to have a stable home and to not have to grow up alone." He laughed to himself again, "Ahh, you're really bringing out the sad sack in me, Itachi."

"… _Stable_?" Itachi repeated flatly, "You used the word  _stable_  in reference to the inhabitants of his house?" Kisame smirked at him; rolling his eyes and brushing the soft hair of Itachi's bangs out of his eyes.

" –Ino left some flowers in your hair," he offered as explanation when Itachi flushed at the gesture.

" –And you let me sit there all evening with them there?" the raven snapped crossly; tossing his hair and deciding that he should probably head off to bed; berating himself for blushing whenever someone brushed up against him.

En route to his room, he spied the lamp still on in the living room. Curious; because the kids tended to study in their rooms, he headed over. The sight he saw there made him smile in genuine happiness.

Sasuke was lying on his back on the couch; snoring softly and looking completely content. One foot was dangling loosely off the side of the couch, and one hand still had a book held in it. If that wasn't cute enough, it appeared that a certain blonde  _didn't_  have limitless energy.

There Naruto was; lying completely dead to the world with his head rested on Sasuke's chest; pen still poised in his hand as if to continue writing. As if feeling eyes on him, he shifted; only to nestle into position a little more comfortably.

"Well, it's no wonder they're exhausted," Kisame commented quietly, coming up behind Itachi and smirking. There were piles of paper and books scattered across the floor, (probably mostly Naruto's doing), from where the pair of them had been studying until they had fallen asleep on the couch. "They sure look comfy."

"…Oh, mother is never going to believe this," Itachi smirked; quickly pulling out his phone and snapping a picture. Kisame, shaking his head in exasperation, headed off to bed with a brief 'good night'. Itachi looked at the scene before him one last time; taking in the casual way Sasuke's lips were turned up into a small smile; the bruise on his face visible like some kind of trophy. He looked tired; beaten up and still a little grass-stained, but Itachi had never seen his brother look so…content.

He flicked the light off, smirking in the knowledge that in the morning, Sasuke was going to get quite the fright.

It was nice, that Sasuke might start making friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments! Hope you enjoy!  
> xx K


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: chapter contains slight sexual content

* * *

There was an explosion from somewhere a few floors up and the dull thud roused Sasuke from his sleep. He blinked sleepily a few times; wondering why Suigetsu wasn't waking him up and why Deidara's wake up seemed so much quieter than usual.

That was about when he noticed that there was a weight on him. His eyes shot open in horror as he recognised that mop of blonde hair that was resting quite comfortably on his chest.

"Whoa!" Sasuke yelled, jolting Naruto out of sleep. Blue eyes widened in horror as he too realised how they had fallen asleep, and both of them scrambled to get off the couch fastest. Naruto, clumsy as ever, got his legs tangled in Sasuke's, and he went plummeting to the floor; the raven toppling down on top of him. Sasuke gave a low groan of pain as his pelvis smacked into something firm and his wrists planted either side of Naruto's head.

"Idiot…" he muttered lowly; right in Naruto's ear as the blonde struggled to remove his face from the carpet. Naruto apparently seemed to be the first to notice how exactly they were positioned and gave a weak noise.

Itachi Uchiha then chose that moment to appear in the doorway and just so happened to catch Naruto with his face pressed into the floor; ass in the air, with his brother draped over him.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" he commented, and two pairs of eyes flicked over to him. Naruto made an 'eep' noise before quickly teleporting over to the other side of the room; leaving Sasuke to fall to his stomach with the uncomfortable knowledge that the piece of anatomy his hips had slammed against in the fall was Naruto's ass.

"We just fell asleep!" Naruto immediately crowed; desperate to right the situation. Itachi just chuckled.

"So I saw," he remarked in amusement, waving his phone at Sasuke. Black eyes narrowed dangerously. " –You two should get changed. We're taking a field trip to the city."

"What for?" Sasuke snorted flatly as he gathered himself to his feet and wondering what incriminating data was on Itachi's phone.

"You'll see," Itachi chuckled, "But the two of you might want to find a shower; you're still covered in grass stains; we're leaving in an hour." Naruto saluted mockingly before vanishing in a flash of light. Itachi just chuckled and headed over to the kitchen.

"…What's got you in such a good mood?" Sasuke remarked flatly.

"What's got you in such a bad one?" Itachi shot back cheekily, "You looked like you were having a good time in there –"

"We fell off the couch!" Sasuke snapped back irritably as he headed for the stairs.

* * *

"Morning, Sasuke!" Suigetsu chuckled as Sasuke busied himself with his shower. He didn't even have to look over his shoulder to know that the other boy was currently in the shower with him.

"Stop using my shampoo," Sasuke snapped back irritably; feeling the cold water of Suigetsu's arm snaking past to snatch someone's hair products. He heard stomping from somewhere down the hall and wasn't in the least bit surprised when the bathroom door was suddenly blasted off its hinges by a rather forceful blast of fire.

"I don't know why you even bother with doors here," Sasuke remarked flatly as a rather annoyed Neji stormed in. He tore back the shower curtain and black eyes turned to glare at him coldly.

"Suigetsu! It was  _your_  turn to put out Deidara's fires!" Neji snapped crossly, folding his arms and apparently completely oblivious to the fact that there were two naked guys in the shower in front of him.

"It's  _always_  my turn," Suigetsu complained.

" –Well, would you  _look_  at my hair!" Neji scowled darkly, and Sasuke noted that his hair was indeed looking rather singed. Rolling his eyes, he continued with shampooing his hair and ignoring the commotion that suddenly sprung up between Suigetsu and Neji; arguing about whose job it was to make sure their pyromaniac brother didn't burn the house down.

"Are you guys done with the bathroom yet?" Sakura complained, "I need to do my hair!"

"Use your own bathroom," Suigetsu snapped back.

"Speak for yourself!" Sakura sniffed flatly, stalking right on in, "Oh, morning Sasuke." Sasuke just rolled his eyes and rinsed his hair off before grabbing a nearby towel and stepping out of the shower. He didn't even know why he bothered closing the shower curtain anymore.

As he left the bathroom, he immediately moved to one side to avoid being bowled over and therefore re-dirtied by Kiba as he bounded down the hall in greeting like he usually did. Mid-flight, he changed back into a human and landed on the ground, pouting.

"Oh, you're no fun, Sasuke! What happened to the good old days where I'd knock you to the ground and Deidara would push you down the stairs?" Kiba complained good-naturedly. In response to this, Sasuke just casually moved a little further down the wall to avoid the flaming book that went soaring past.

"Come on, Deidara, that was a library book," Shikamaru's lazy voice could be heard complaining from further down the hall.

An hour or so later, they were all sitting in the kitchen, waiting for Hidan to make an appearance.

"Why are we waiting for him, yeah?" Deidara complained flatly, brushing his hair back off his face, only for it to fall right back into place.

" –He's driving," Itachi replied shortly.

" _I am_ not _getting in a car with that madman_!" the blonde yelped in astonishment.

"Watch it, blondie," Hidan's cackle sneered as the door opened and his hand scuttled in at his feet like some sort of pet. "So, 'Tachi', where are we off to?"

"The city," Itachi replied shortly with a small smirk.

For some reason, Itachi didn't accept Sasuke riding shotgun, so the younger Uchiha found himself crammed in the back seat of their car with Naruto, Kiba and Suigetsu; with Deidara managing to earn himself a place in the front. He kept shooting daggers at Itachi in the rear-view mirror, but his older brother really seemed to be enjoying his suffering.

After what Sasuke felt was the longest two hour car ride of his life; filled with terrible I-spy games, bad jokes and Naruto laughing in his ear practically the entire time, they arrived in the city of Suna. Itachi seemed to know exactly where he was going.

…And they pulled up outside a mall.

"Fuck me, this fucking car looks like a piece of shit," Hidan remarked as they followed Itachi to the curb; Sasuke noticing that the supernaturals seemed to look like they felt out of place.

"…Maybe because it  _is_  a piece of shit, yeah," Deidara snorted, rolling his eyes, "You've been driving it for what, eight years? That thing belongs in a tip."

"…Don't I know it…" Hidan muttered.

"Itachi…what are we doing here?" Sakura inquired curiously, "I mean, I was surprised when you told us that you'd gotten us all out of Saturday work but…"

"We're going shopping," Itachi remarked with a small smirk. Mouths fell open.

" –We c-can't afford these sorts of…" Naruto reminded him with a small frown.

"Naruto, I don't think you quite realise how rich I am," the elder Uchiha commented with a small laugh.

"We don't want your fucking charity," Hidan drawled crossly.

"Think of it as repaying you for your… _hospitality_ …" Itachi shrugged, making some noncommittal hand gesture, "Look; I just wanted to help take some of the pressure off your father. And Hidan, if you're interested, there's a car sale on –"

" –Fucking hell, what are we waiting for?" Hidan had apparently had a complete change of heart at the thought of a new car.

* * *

"Itachi, are you sure?" Ino squealed in delight as she held out a dress for him to inspect; having assumed that it would cost far too much.

"Anything you wanted, Ino; that was what I said, right?" Itachi reminded her from where he was having a chat to the department store manager, "But more purple, really?"

" –It suits me," she reminded and then spun away to find her sister, "Sakura! He really did mean  _anything_!"

"Itachi, you're the best!" Sakura exclaimed, waving over to him before disappearing into the racks and racks of fabulous clothes.

"Mr Uchiha; might I inquire as to what business you have in bringing this group here?" the orange-haired manager asked curiously.

"I'm doing their father a favour," Itachi responded flatly.

"Oh…I see," the manager replied with a knowing smile, "He a bit older than you, maybe?"

"Pein, it's not like that," Itachi rolled his eyes.

"…Just like it 'wasn't like that' with Nagato, am I right?" Pein chuckled to himself.

" _That_  is none of your business," the raven sniffed, "I just wanted to inform you that I'd be paying for everything."

"Of course," Pein replied, but the smug smile didn't fade from his face.

" _Itachi_! Sasuke's not being fun!" Itachi could hear Naruto whining from somewhere over in the men's department.

"I'll be there in a second!" Itachi called back, wondering what fresh torment the blonde was attempting to put his brother through in the name of 'fun'. "If that's all, Pein?" He nodded to the manager and headed over to where Sasuke was standing outside the changing rooms with his arms folded; adamant that he was  _not_  putting on anything that Naruto or Kiba suggested.

Naruto himself was so excited. He'd never,  _ever_  had this sort of freedom in a store before; most of clothes were hand-me-downs, so this chance was incredible.

"No, you moron; you have enough orange clothes," Sasuke was rolling his eyes as he sat in the 'bored husband' chair by the changing rooms and eyed Naruto's clothing selection with distaste. "No; that size is going to be too big for you… _idiot_ …do you have  _any_  idea what you're doing?"

"…Hey! Just because you're used to shopping in fancy, expensive places like this…" Naruto snapped back; seeing the raven sigh heavily. "What are you doing?"

"Come with me…" Sasuke muttered in resignation.

What followed was a day that Sasuke would swear himself blue that he hated. He and Itachi were called upon many a time to offer opinions on the clothes that the other teens bought (Itachi was a little less critical). Sakura and Ino had their brothers laden with shoes, dresses, skirts and all manner of things while the boys settled on being slightly less extravagant.

"No; I am  _not_  wearing that," Sasuke snapped for about the thousandth time as Naruto thrust something into his hands and bodily shoved him into the changing room.

"I'm not letting you out until you put it on!" Naruto chortled, and Suigetsu and Kiba sniggered against their hands. "Hidan, are you done yet?"

Sasuke and Hidan emerged at about the same time; both wearing the same sort of skinny jeans with flattering collared shirts; Sasuke's black and Hidan's white.

"I look ridiculous," Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes.

" –Sasuke; you look good; it suits you," Itachi commented, nodding thoughtfully and then looking over at Hidan.

"Fuck me this feels…different," Hidan muttered, turning to observe his ass in the nearest mirror. He ran a hand through his slicked-back hair. "Definitely different from fucking t-shirts." That was the moment when Deidara appeared out of one of the changing rooms with his arms laden with clothes he'd picked, and when he saw Hidan, he did a double take.

"…H-Hidan? Is that you, yeah?" he inquired, his mouth falling open in shock. Hidan just gave a short cackle and grinned.

"Fucking hell; fucking mouthy blondie speechless!" he laughed, "I'm gonna have to fucking get this now, aren't I?"

"Of course!" Ino and Sakura squealed; having come over to see what the commotion was about, "Hidan, you look awesome!" Ino added reassuringly. Itachi just laughed.

"Come on, we'll take this all to the cars and have some lunch," he chuckled.

However, when they arrived at the cars; Hidan old, crappy beat up car was gone…and replaced with something much, much nicer. He startled dozens of pedestrians by breaking out into fits of overjoyed swearing; after which he wrapped Itachi into a tight hug, swearing that he was the 'fucking best guy he'd ever fucking met'. Itachi had just smiled to himself; having found out from Kisame the type of car that Hidan had always dreamed of owning but had been unable to afford.

Sasuke gave a quick scan of the food court. His brother was nowhere in sight. The others were chatting away amiably and enjoying their lunch, so he decided to go and have a quick look for him. Where were Sakura and Ino as well?

It didn't take too long for him to find his brother; he was in the last store they'd visited.

"…That doesn't look your size," he commented as he crept up beside his brother knowingly. Itachi immediately spun around; looking a little guilty.

"I just thought that maybe it would be nice to get Kisame a few things," he replied immediately and Sasuke smirked. Was that a touch of a blush he could see on his brother's face. "Yes…I think black would suit him…"

"You like him," Sasuke accused with a smug smirk; leaning on the nearby stand.

"You're dreaming," Itachi sniffed back, "Oh, good; Sakura; what did you find?"

"I think dad will like these!" she grinned, "He's never really had new things…" She paused for a moment before wrapping her arms tightly around Itachi in a hug. "…Thanks…" She whispered, before dumping the clothes on him and scampering away again; giggling with Ino.

"Don't look at me like that," Itachi scolded when he saw that Sasuke was smirking again.

* * *

It was nine by the time they made it home; Naruto having fallen asleep on Sasuke's shoulder during the drive.

"Of course it was you who kidnapped my children," Kisame commented in amusement from the living room when they all entered the house.

"You didn't tell dad?" Sakura scolded.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," Itachi sniffed.

"Wanted what to be a surprise –" Kisame lowered his newspaper and his mouth fell open in wonder. There were his two daughters standing in the foyer in brand new sundresses with their poor brothers –also clad in new clothes –struggling to drag everything through the front door. Kisame actually got up from his chair and immediately embraced his daughters.

"You both look so beautiful," he remarked, ruffling Ino's hair affectionately, "What…what is going on?"

"Itachi took us all shopping, daddy!" Ino exclaimed in delight, "We can show you everything we brought!" Kisame kissed her forehead tenderly.

"In the morning," he assured her.

"Oh yeah; how was work?" Suigetsu inquired curiously.

"Long," Kisame chuckled as his son came over for a hug as well, "I hope you didn't bleed Itachi dry."

"…Ino and Sakura sure did," Naruto muttered, rolling his eyes as he dumped another load of Sakura's things on the floor. Kisame just grinned in delight.

"Okay kids; take your things to your rooms; and Naruto, don't just go throwing them on the floor," he ordered, "You've got nice things; treat them well."

"Yes, dad," Naruto muttered.

"But don't you want to see what we've brought?" Sakura frowned.

" –You can show him tomorrow," Itachi assured her with a small smile, "I've ensured that he has the day off."

"But work –" Kisame began to say.

"I really don't think you understand how big the name "Uchiha" is," Itachi chuckled, "Go on, Sakura; your father's obviously tired." The teenagers all began trooping upstairs, looking thoroughly thrilled about their purchases and the fact that they had a Sunday with their father to look forward to.

"Itachi…don't you have…" Sasuke was about to say, but Itachi promptly elbowed him in the face. His younger brother scowled at him, "Fine…if you wanted to be alone; all you had to do was ask –" Again, he was elbowed harshly for being so presumptuous.

"Tea, Itachi?" Kisame inquired as he went to sit back on the couch. Itachi just shook his head and lifted up several of the bags that had been left in the foyer, "What  _have_  you been spoiling my kids with?"

"I just thought that they deserved some nice things; and I can afford it so…" Itachi paused, "I'm sounding thoroughly conceited; I apologise."

"No need," Kisame chuckled, "I hope they behaved themselves?"

"Mostly," Itachi laughed, "I think Sakura bought over ten pairs of shoes; Hidan doesn't look quite so homeless anymore; the boys got new soccer boots –"

"You didn't have to do that," Kisame reminded him with a grateful smile.

"I wanted to," the raven replied quietly, "I…I also took the liberty of ordering a grocery delivery early tomorrow morning; the food is all paid for…" The bigger man just chuckled and smiled at him toothily. "Oh, and um…I got something for you; Sakura and Ino helped…" He held out the bags and Kisame took a quick riffle through them; his eyes widening.

"You bought these for me?" he asked in astonishment.

"It was only fair," Itachi shrugged; trying to appear nonchalant, "I hope you like them."

"I do," Kisame assured him, "…Shit; I've never had anything quite this nice." He suddenly pressed a hand to his forehead, "…Ino's calling me. I better see what's up. Itachi…" He held out a huge hand, which Itachi shook firmly, "You don't know how much this means to me; or how much it means to the kids." Itachi just smiled.

"Oh by the way…I may have brought Hidan a car."

* * *

"Daddy, why were you yelling?" Ino inquired curiously when her father entered her room.

"…Itachi brought Hidan a car," Kisame replied weakly; sitting down on the end of his daughter's bed and noticing that Sakura was there too, "Sakura; don't you have homework to be doing?" His voice didn't have any authority to it tonight, though; he was too happy for his kids. Sakura giggled.

"But we're trying on the outfits we bought!" she exclaimed in delight, "Daddy! We have makeup and perfume, and shoes! And Itachi took us all out for lunch and ice cream!"

"Lunch and ice cream?" Kisame chuckled.

"He's a nice man," Ino commented casually.

"Indeed he is," her father replied.

" –Did he tell you we're getting food? And did you like the clothes he picked out?" Sakura inquired curiously, "You have to wear them tomorrow!"

"Okay sweetie; whatever you say," Kisame laughed, "What was the emergency?"

"Nothing," Ino replied sheepishly, "We just wanted to tell you how much fun we had today! Naruto pushed Sasuke into a fountain; and we made him wear a dress!"

"The little Uchiha? In a dress? Ino; you're not allowed to control people –"

"I didn't," Ino assured her father, "We just pestered him until he did! And he looked so pretty, didn't he Sakura?"

"Very," Sakura chuckled, "We did his hair and everything. Oh; we roped all our brothers into it too…they were less reluctant; that's for sure…"

"Be nice to your brothers, girls," Kisame sighed. Raising teenage daughters sure was exhausting. He felt bad for his sons.

"Oh; we got photos too!" Sakura suddenly remembered, "We'll have to show you them tomorrow! Itachi was really –" She stopped; frowning, and Kisame raised an eyebrow. "Dad…when are Itachi and Sasuke going home?"

"I don't know, little blossom," Kisame shrugged and then grinned teasingly, "What; you starting to like them?" Sakura and Ino just stuck their tongues out at him. "I'll see you in the morning, girls."

"Night, dad!"

* * *

_Naruto closed his eyes and let the warm water trickle over him as he heard the bathroom door open and then close again._

_"Go away, Suigetsu; and stop stealing my shampoo," Naruto complained good-naturedly. There was no response; only the sound of the shower curtain being pulled back. Starting in surprise, he looked back over his shoulder and saw the familiar smirk of Sasuke Uchiha standing there; completely naked._

_"What the hell are you doing here?" he exclaimed hotly; only to suddenly feel the cool touch of bare skin against his back as he was pressed against the wall of the shower. He shivered, feeling fingers ghosting down his sides._

_"…What do you think I'm here for, Na-ru-to?" Sasuke whispered in a low, sultry purr. Naruto felt his heartbeat quicken and the breath caught in his throat as he felt something hot and wet trail down the side of his neck. Feeling soft raven locks brush against his cheek, he knew that that was Sasuke's tongue. He shivered again and gave a soft whimper as one of Sasuke's hands trailed down the seam of his ass and lightly ran around his entrance._

_"S-Sasuke…what…" Naruto managed to whisper as the raven's lips attached themselves to his neck and began sucking harshly. He could feel himself growing aroused just by Sasuke's light touches. "…Put…put them in me…" he breathed lustily. He could feel the smirk against his skin as a single finger dipped into his entrance and then straight out._

_"…You're so tight, Naruto…" Sasuke whispered; his breath hot against Naruto's skin as his finger pressed in again; infuriatingly shallowly. He pressed backwards, wanting those fingers to penetrate him deeper, but Sasuke wasn't having any of that. His free hand trailed down Naruto's tanned abdomen and teased his inner thigh. Slowly, that finger began to press deeper into him._

_"…Well, well, well…" The amused voice of Shikamaru suddenly commented, and Naruto looked over in horror to see that his brother was leaning up against the wall casually. Sasuke paid no mind and began to slowly thrust a single digit in and out of Naruto; his other hand sliding up his thigh to tease the base of his cock._

_"Shikamaru! Stay out of my dreams!" Naruto complained; his words sounding a little more breathy than he wanted._

_"I can't help where my mind drifts when I sleep," Shikamaru shrugged, "And believe me; this is_ not _the first dream like this I've dream-walked in on."_

 _"Well…" Naruto really wanted to push Sasuke off; this situation was mortifying; but he also_ didn't _want to push him away._

_"Interesting that you're dreaming about the Uchiha," Shikamaru commented smugly._

_"Don't you_  dare _say a word to him –ohh…." Naruto moaned, feeling Sasuke's second finger brush up against something inside him._

_"Oh I am so out…" Shikamaru muttered, heading for the door, "Kiba always has fun dreams. Time to wake up, Naruto!" On that note, he slammed the door shut behind him._

Naruto awoke with a start; panting heavily and with his pants feeling tight and hot. And groaned and slumped back into his pillow. Damn Shikamaru and his shitty habit of using his telepathic abilities to join people in their dreams! True; not the first one he'd walked in on…but  _damn it_! He held his hands over his face.  _Why did it have to be about Sasuke? Shikamaru was_ never _going to leave it alone!_

But now he was aroused, and well…he had to admit that well…maybe Sasuke wasn't unattractive? He drew himself onto his knees and slid a hand into his pants; grasping his erection tightly and beginning to stroke himself; his other hand reaching around to prod experimentally at his entrance.

Sasuke was having trouble getting to sleep; mostly because he didn't want to risk the chance of falling asleep and dreaming about the day they'd just had. It had been mortifying; dressing in that skimpy black dress that Sakura had insisted he wear; and then having them comb his hair and take photos…and for Naruto to push him into the fountain…

He chuckled to himself; allowing himself a small smile. It  _had_  been a good day; even if he'd been forced into going into one of those god-awful photo booths and getting photos with everyone. They'd gone to the arcade and he'd completely schooled Kiba at air hockey; only to be defeated by Neji. He'd even got to spend some time with Itachi; they'd never really had that whilst growing up. And the supernaturals were all right…even Naruto. And Hidan had almost had a break down when he'd seen that car…He sighed heavily and threw off his blankets; it was too damn hot.

All of a sudden, there was an explosive sneeze from somewhere down the hallway; followed immediately by a flash of light and a sudden weight on his hips.

Sasuke's eyes widened in shock as he immediately recognised Naruto's form…and the fact that his hand was down his pants; quite obviously jacking himself off. And the other hand…Sasuke's black eyes saw Naruto's other arm having snaked behind him and his throat ran dry as the blonde gave a short moan.  _Naruto was fingering himself?_

"Naruto..." Sasuke remarked in shock; his eyes wide and drinking in the site of those blue eyes clouded with lust had his hands working in tandem to pleasure himself.

"Oh god…" Naruto moaned; both in pleasure and mortification; unwittingly grinding down on Sasuke's lap as he looked down at the handsome face of the Uchiha. The sight of him there combined with his own imagination picturing his own fingers as Sasuke's nearly send him over the edge. "Oh my god; I'm…" his last word was completely cut off as he vanished again in a flash of light; leaving Sasuke just staring up in shock at the space where Naruto had just been perched.

"Holy fuck," Sasuke commented flatly; for some reason unable to wipe away the image of the blonde's flushed, panting face as he pleasured himself.

Naruto, back in his room, gave a low moan as he finally reached release and accidentally found himself breathing out "Sasuke…" as he came.

 _Fuck_.

One moment he'd been imagining that the fingers inside him actually belonged to the Uchiha…and then he had to go and sneeze! He withdrew his fingers and sighed heavily; now he had to change…With a sigh, he got up and weakly headed to go have a midnight shower. As he was pushing the bathroom door open, he came across Shikamaru in the hallway. His big brother smirked cheekily and Naruto flushed almightily before sprinting into the bathroom; just  _knowing_  that somehow, he  _knew_ what had just happened.

"Stay out of my head, Shikamaru!" he complained; but knowing that he wasn't going to probe.

"Troublesome…"Shikamaru sighed, rolling his eyes and then smirking, "…Although maybe…maybe this could be interesting?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love fatherly Kisame so much. Comments always appreciated! 
> 
> Much love,   
> xx K


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

The corridor smelled delicious.

Sasuke, rubbing his eyes, entered the kitchen in his pyjama pants to discover that Itachi was already in the kitchen…in an  _apron_ …apparently cooking breakfast.

"Morning, Sasuke," he greeted brightly.

"…Since when do you cook breakfast?" Sasuke inquired flatly, folding his arms.

"Since today," Itachi snapped back.

"…Perhaps since you started crushing on a certain –"

"No one is 'crushing' on anyone," Itachi sniffed sharply, "I'm not a teenage girl, Sasuke. Come help me with these pancakes, will you?"

"…You're going to an awful lot of effort to prepare breakfast for someone you _aren't_  crushing on," Sasuke teased, not bothering to go help with said pancakes.

"I'm just grateful for Kisame's hospitality," Itachi snapped.

"…Who said anything about Kisame?" Sasuke smirked and was greeted by a dark glare and a cross swat with the spatula his brother was holding. "I wonder just  _how_  grateful for this breakfast he's going to be –"

"You shut your mouth, Sasuke Uchiha," he growled warningly.

"What you going to do,  _tell mother_?" Sasuke chuckled gleefully.

"No…" Itachi smirked, "But I  _will_  send her this  _adorable_  picture of you and a certain blonde snuggling on the couch –"

"We were  _not_  snuggling!"

"...The picture says otherwise."

"…You're bluffing."

"Am I?"

" _Delete it, Itachi! Or I'm telling Kisame_!"

"There's nothing to  _tell_ ," Itachi snapped as his eighteen year old brother crossly snatched for his phone and promptly missed. Itachi chuckled to himself; holding the phone out of his reach, "Sasuke, really; you're acting like a child."

"You send that to mother and you're dead," Sasuke snarled crossly; folding his arms in defeat. His brother grinned an awful, superior look as Ino appeared in the doorway.

" –Something smells amazing –" Her mouth fell open in astonishment as she realised that there was someone actually preparing breakfast! "Itachi, what?"

"The groceries came this morning," Itachi informed her with a smile, "I thought I'd celebrate by making breakfast for everyone."

"Oh my god! I'll get everyone up!" she squealed in delight, "We can all have breakfast together; this is so exciting!" She dashed from the room once more and could be heard yelling through the house.

"Go get dressed, Sasuke," Itachi sniffed crossly, "Breakfast will be ready soon."

"Cute apron, Itachi," Sasuke smirked as he headed over to the doorway. There was a sudden slap of something slimy on his back and he reached around to discover that there was  _food_  on his skin. He glared over at his brother, "…Did you just throw  _egg_  at me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," the elder Uchiha smirked whilst mid-flip of a pancake. Sasuke stalked off huffily to get changed, and Itachi felt a surge of affection for his younger brother. They'd never had fun arguments like this when they were little; Sasuke had adored him for so long, and then become a sullen, moody teenager. It was good for him; being around such bright people.

By the time everyone was up, Itachi had transferred an exciting array of pancakes, tomatoes, mushrooms, eggs, sausages, French toast and bacon to the dining room. The teenagers were all gathered there excitedly; all dressed in some of their new clothes to show off to their father.

" _Must_  you wear that ridiculous shirt?" Neji inquired flatly; glaring at Naruto's orange dress shirt, "It is unsightly."

"It's awesome!" Naruto protested flatly, folding his arms, "And Itachi said it looked good!"

"Itachi's a liar," Sasuke snorted, rolling his eyes and swatting Naruto's flailing arms away from him. "Oi, moron; quit that, will you?" Sakura stalked past and grabbed Naruto's ear. Immediately he desisted and whined when she tugged on it forcefully. Ino placed a single flower into a vase on the table and blew a small kiss at it. It slowly bloomed into a beautiful flowering plant.

"Thank you, Ino," Itachi remarked; finally taking his seat, "Where's Kisame?" The door opened and Hidan stalked in; yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"Fucking hell; you're treating us fucking swell aren't you?" he commented curiously, his hand detaching and running across the table; intrigued by all the food. Before it could cause any mischief, however, Deidara slapped it and caught it by the wrist.

"Hey; no need for violence, blondie!" Hidan snapped irritably, "I was just looking!"

"Then look with your bloody eyes, yeah?" Deidara snorted, "…At least they don't get in the food!" Everyone at the table groaned as Hidan obliging reached up to his eye socket and promptly pulled out his left eyeball; dropping it onto his plate.

"Happy?" he queried as Ino and Sakura dry-wretched in disgust.

"You're a pig, yeah."

" –Sorry I'm late," Kisame's voice could be heard as he entered.

"It's not a proble –" Itachi began to say, but as soon as he saw Kisame the words fell out of his mouth. The big, blue man was wearing a pair of form fitting denim jeans with a tight black singlet that really let Itachi appreciate just how muscled the elder man really was. His biceps were huge, and he could see his abs defined through the singlet. And the jeans…well…they just fit absolutely perfectly.

"Daddy, you look so great!" Ino squealed in delight as he self-consciously ran a hand through his spiky blue hair.

"Thanks, sweetie," he chuckled, taking a seat next to Itachi at the head of the table.

"Yeah; nice look, dad," Kiba commented with a grin.

"…Yeah; maybe now you can find us a mom," Suigetsu joked; only for Shikamaru to promptly kick him under the table, "Shika; what the hell?" Kisame chuckled awkwardly and turned to look at Itachi.

"You did all this?" he queried curiously.

"I know you don't get to spend a lot of time with your kids," Itachi shrugged; swallowing a little awkwardly at the 'mom' comment. Of course; well, of course Kisame could be desirable to women... "Our parents weren't around too much when Sasuke and I were little so…" He left the sentence hanging, but Kisame nodded; understanding.

" –And the clothes fit perfectly; I don't know how I can ever repay you for what you've done," he continued.

"I think I know –" Sasuke began to say, but a look from Itachi that said ' _remember what I said about that adorable picture'_  stopped him from continuing his sentence. Apparently Kisame didn't notice that he'd spoken.

Breakfast for Itachi was enjoyable; for Sasuke, a trial. Naruto kept stealing his bacon and he had maple syrup in his hair from when Kiba decided to fling a pancake to Akamaru.

"Okay, that's it; you are  _not_  having any more of this –" Sasuke snapped crossly, taking the last pieces of Naruto's bacon from his plate and promptly shoving it straight into his mouth. He glared over at the blonde; feeling annoyed blue eyes on him, and then all of a sudden, that memory from last night sprang back to mind; and all he could see was that flushed face of pleasure. He felt himself blushing a little, and turned back to face his plate; only to find that Hidan's hands and snuck off with his pancakes.

"Hey!" he snapped; stabbing at the fingers of one of them with his fork.

"You snooze, you lose, little Uchiha!" Hidan cackled in delight; only to despair when his hands were suddenly levitated into mid-air and shaken vigorously until they released the pancakes, "Play fair, Shikamaru!" Shikamaru just smirked and with a flick of his hand sent both of Hidan's severed hands flying across the room. "…Little shit…"

"Kisame…there was something I would like to mention to you," Itachi commented with a small frown, "I…I hate to impose, but my parents and an old family friend wish to visit next weekend. Is that all right with you?"

"Of course," Kisame assured him, though his smile was slightly amused, "We do love guests, after all."

"Mother and father are coming?" Sasuke frowned, "Since when?"

"Father called me this morning," Itachi informed him, "He wishes to see the building, and he seems to think he can come up with a suitable proposal. And mother misses you."

"Oh isn't that just the cutest?" Suigetsu cackled; pinching Sasuke's cheek teasingly.

"Do that again and I'll break your arm," the raven snapped.

"…Oh, I'm totally so scared," Suigetsu smirked.

"…Who else is coming?" Sasuke asked with a sigh.

"I'm not sure," Itachi replied, "Mother just said that we'd be delighted to see them and that they were an old family friend whose family was invested in the hotels. She wanted it to be a surprise."

"It's probably Nagato, right?" the younger Uchiha rolled his eyes. Itachi swallowed and fidgeted in his seat a little.

"Probably," he replied stiffly.

"Who's 'Nagato'?" Naruto inquired curiously.

"Itachi's ex-boyfriend," Ino replied; her mouth half-full of food. Itachi stared at her; his mouth falling open. She looked up and swallowed apologetically.

"Ino; what've I told you about prying into people's minds?" Kisame sighed heavily, "Apologise!"

"…It sometimes just happens, dad!" Ino protested, "Sorry Itachi…"

"It's um…It's fine," Itachi replied, and Sasuke was incredibly satisfied with how his brother appeared to be quite uncomfortable now.

"Ex- _boyfriend,_  huh?" Suigetsu remarked with interest, "Man; I really didn't think that you were the kind of guy to like dick…"

"Suigetsu; mind your mouth," Kisame scolded, scowling at his son for speaking like that to a guest.

"That's so cute!" Sakura exclaimed, "How long did you date for?"

"…Three years," Ino replied before Itachi could open his mouth, " _I'm sorry! I can't help it!_ " She exclaimed apologetically when her father was about to scold her once again, "Dad, I promise I didn't pry on purpose! I'm sorry!" Itachi brushed his flushing cheeks and swallowed nervously; looking sideways at Kisame.

"In any case, I'm glad that you're okay with my parents coming for a brief visit; on business, of course," Itachi redirected the conversation awkwardly.

"I'll make sure there are rooms available, and the kids will be on their best behaviour; won't you?" Kisame inquired innocently of his children. There were bright smiles and many nods, though Itachi had the feeling that most of those actions were to placate their father and held no indication that they were going to behave. He sighed heavily and then smiled again; picking up his plate to begin to clear the table.

"You have to let me help," Kisame remarked, heading to help out, " –No; don't argue; I insist. Kids; you decide what you want to do today, okay?"

* * *

Apparently what his kids wanted to do was just spend some time with their dad.

"Dad!" Suigetsu exclaimed, tossing the rugby ball back behind him to Kisame. His dad caught it with one hand and was promptly tackled by three of his children. Apparently Kiba, Naruto and Deidara weren't enough to prevent him from staggering forwards.

"Dad! You're cheating!" Naruto complained; being dragged along on the grass in his old clothes as he clung to his father's leg; trying to desperately bring him down.

"Stop being such a sore loser," Neji sniffed.

" –You only say that because you're winning," Naruto harrumphed; finally being kicked free and landing in a heap with his two brothers, "No fair!" Kisame chuckled; leaping across the try line.

"Oh come on; I thought you kids were better than that," he teased, "Come on; tackle me!" His children all looked over at Hidan, who held up his hands defensively as if to say ' _not happening_ '. Their gaze turned over to Sakura. She grinned and took a flying leap at her father; her unnatural strength sending him flying to the ground and promptly causing a pile-up.

"Dad. Dad. Dad. Can we all go swim in the pool?" Suigetsu begged, once he'd managed to disentangle himself from his family.

"Sure; if you all go get into your togs," Kisame laughed heartily; wiping mud from his hair. They all cheered in excitement (except for Hidan, who just smirked before following the younger ones inside).

* * *

"Come on, Sasuke; get in the pool!" Kiba complained, kicking Sasuke's side with a foot when the raven chose to pretend to be asleep, rather than take his shirt off and get in the pool. "Sasuke! You're such a killjoy, you know that?" He looked over at Shikamaru, who had apparently had the exact same idea. Lounging on the edge of the pool, he slowly levitated Sasuke from his sunbed until he was hovering over the water just beside Naruto. Then, without any warning, he let the Uchiha plummet into the water.

Sasuke immediately emerged with an almighty gasp; completely drenched to the bone.

"Okay; Shikamaru, that's it –I'm going to –" The death threat was suddenly cut off by the fact that he had surfaced only centimetres from Naruto's chest. They stared at each other for a long moment; blue gaze locked with black.

…That was, until Suigetsu dove straight on top of them; turning his entire body to liquid and dousing them in freezing water. Sasuke tore off his drenched t-shirt and tossed it over by the sunbeds before wrapping Suigetsu in a headlock as he resurfaced as a human.

"No fair!" Suigetsu crowed in complaint; repetitively splashing him in the face until the raven's eyes were blurry and watering. Naruto promptly sneezed and disappeared in a flash of light; only to reappear above Sakura and sending her toppling face-first into the pool.

"…Even think about throwing me into the pool, and you are dead," Neji threatened Shikamaru flatly as Sakura surfaced and gave the blonde a hefty punch in the face. Kiba leapt into the water and began splashing both Suigetsu and Sasuke. The pair decided to forget their feud in order to gang up on this new enemy.

Itachi appeared out the back door in his swimming trunks and carrying a bag laden with fizzy drinks. He deposited them beside one of the sunbeds and held out a bottle of lemonade to Kisame.

"It's not homemade," he chuckled as Kisame took it from him and looked thoughtfully at it before depositing it on one of the nearby tables. Sasuke looked up in time to see the way Itachi's eyes ran down Kisame's bare, sculpted chest; and also happened to be in time to witness the blue man giving Itachi an almighty shove and sending him flying into the pool.

A bedraggled Itachi, with his hair having fallen from its usual ponytail, surfaced after a few seconds. He pushed his bangs back off his face and glared up at the bigger man as everyone else burst out laughing. For a moment, Kisame raised an eyebrow; unsure if he'd gone too far, but then he saw Itachi's face curl up into a smirk.

"Okay; for that, you are so dead," Itachi smirked, "Kids?"

"Get him!" Ino squealed, and suddenly vines shot up out of the ground and gave him a shove in the back. Kiba, back in dog form, sprinted past; causing Kisame to trip and tumble into the water with an almighty splash. He surfaced amid helpless laughter.

"Turning my own children against me!" he chuckled, running his hands back through his drenched hair; a sight that made Itachi's mouth run dry. He'd surfaced a little closer to the raven than Itachi had intended, and he had to look up to see the other man's eyes. Sheepishly, he looked away and headed for the edge of the pool; wringing out his hair as he did so.

"Come on Sasuke; let's have a wrestling match!" Kiba challenged, "Me and Suigetsu versus you and Naruto!"

"You are going  _down_!" Naruto exclaimed; only hearing the challenge. He instantly dunked the raven's head under the water and clambered onto his shoulders; precariously keeping his balance as Sasuke rose up once more.

"What are you doing, you moron?" Sasuke exclaimed; spitting out a mouthful of water and trying his best not to drown.

"We have to beat them,  _obviously_!" Naruto snapped hotly; suddenly blushing a little when he realised that Sasuke's pale hands were gripping his thighs tightly in an attempt to keep them stable. Sasuke had noticed this as well; but pretended that he hadn't. Naruto's skin was smooth. Suigetsu had leapt on top of Kiba's shoulders and the other pair was advancing towards them.

"Shikamaru! Neji! You guys should totally come join!" Kiba hollered.

"…I'll…commentate," Shikamaru offered lazily from where he was lounging on the edge of the pool.

"…I'm tanning," Neji called out.

"You're such a girl, Neji," Sakura teased. There was a loud splash as Hidan leapt into the pool and bodily lifted Deidara out of the water and onto his shoulders.

"Oi! What the fuck do you think you're doing, yeah?" Deidara snapped, his hair crackling with fire slightly in shock.

"We're going to fucking destroy these guys!" Hidan informed him competitively, "Ow! Don't pull my fucking hair like that!"

"Don't fucking just grab me like that!" Deidara snapped back as Hidan easily strode through the water to grapple onto Naruto and Kiba.

"Oi! Kisame; bet you can't beat us!" Hidan dared cockily. Kisame looked back over his shoulder as he headed to get out of the pool after Itachi. He smirked and looked up at the raven.

"Oh no; this is not happening," Itachi remarked flatly.

"Yeah; it is," Kisame chuckled, reaching out and grabbing the elder Uchiha's arm and promptly dragging him back into the pool. When he finally broke the surface for a second time; he rose right out, perched steadily on a pair of muscled, blue shoulders. He felt huge hands grip his knees reassuringly.

"This is going to be really embarrassing if you don't win, you know?" Neji taunted from the sidelines.

"Get in the pool, Neji," his father sighed with a small grin.

"No fair! Itachi's barely in the water!" Naruto complained; gripping Sasuke's hair tightly, "Dad! You have to go deeper!" (Itachi didn't want to admit that that sounded like a rather good idea...)

"Quit tugging!" Sasuke complained, feeling the blonde shift on his shoulders, "Stop squirming!" He cast a quick glance over to where Itachi was sitting rather comically on Kisame's broad shoulders and couldn't help but smirk as his brother looked down on the bigger man with a strange, slightly affectionate look, before becoming deadly serious about toppling the others back into the pool.

Itachi was definitely crushing on Kisame. He knew it; and he was pretty sure everyone else in the pool knew it.

…Except for maybe Kisame…

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying! What's going to happen when Mikoto and Fugaku turn up? Can this family really behave themselves? Stay tuned for the next update! Soon, promise!


	9. Chapter 9

"Now kids; I want you to  _behave_  yourselves this weekend," Kisame ordered; folding his arms and surveying the innocent faces of his eight children as they stood on the stairs obediently, "Mr and Mrs Uchiha are arriving soon, and they will be staying until Monday. I expect you all to be polite; and no incidents like we had the first night Itachi and Sasuke were here; is that understood?"

"Yes dad…" came the sullen responses. He sighed heavily, facepalming and hoping that they would really try their best this time.

"Okay then; Sakura and Neji, come and help me with dinner; the rest of you start helping with the chores; Itachi's been cleaning all day and it's unfair on him," he commented.

"It's not like we  _asked_  him to," Shikamaru reminded his father flatly.

"No back talking thank you," Kisame remarked sternly, "Deidara; no fires, you hear me? Or you're grounded."

"But dad –"

"No buts," Kisame sniffed, "These are very important people –"

" –But they want to steal our house," Kiba snorted, folding his arms as he began stalking up the stairs.

" _Buy_ , Kiba. They want to  _buy_  the house," he corrected, "Itachi has been very generous to us; we can at least show some respect to his parents."

"But Sasuke's been a dick," Naruto pointed out.

" –Go and clean your room," Kisame ordered, "Come on; and if any of you see Itachi; send him down to the kitchen, would you?"

"Yes dad," the teenagers repeated flatly.

"Why aren't you telling  _Hidan_  to behave, yeah?" Deidara snorted crossly, "He's the worst of all of us!"

"I gave up trying to get Hidan to behave years ago," Kisame chuckled as Sakura and Neji followed him off towards the kitchen to begin to make dinner for their guests.

Twenty minutes later, Itachi arrived in the kitchen to be greeted by what smelled absolutely delicious. Sasuke was rather sulkily sitting at the bench and looking impatient.

" –Were you seriously doing  _laundry_?" the younger Uchiha asked his brother in an unimpressed voice.

"It was piling up," Itachi offered as explanation, "I wanted the place to be clean for when mother and father get here."

"We've arranged for guest bedrooms on the first floor for your parents and another for this other guest," Kisame informed him.

"No, dad; don't touch that!" Sakura snapped crossly, batting her father's hands away from whatever it was that she was preparing, "Itachi, can you come help? You're a much better cook than  _he_ is." She jabbed a finger at Kisame to make her point.

"Sure thing, Sakura," Itachi replied with a small smile; grabbing his apron and chuckling at Kisame's mock-offended face.

"I'm embarrassed to be your brother; really I am," Sasuke remarked dryly, "Since when did you become so domestic?"

"Just trying to help out," his brother sniffed darkly, "Would you go clean your room? It's an absolute mess!"

"Why were you in my room?" Sasuke snapped.

" –I needed to see if there was any laundry," Itachi replied flatly, "Go on Sasuke…Now, Sakura; what are we making?"

* * *

It was just hitting seven o'clock when the doorbell rang. Kisame quickly dried his hands and headed for the door.

"Now, Sakura; no passive-aggressive comments, thank you," he remarked with a stern look, "Neji; get your brothers to set the table;  _normally_ , will you?"

"Yes, dad," Neji sniffed with a sigh, heading after his father and then detouring up the stairs to locate Shikamaru.

"I'll serve up," Sakura sighed, and Itachi gratefully hung up his apron. He met his brother in the foyer; having apparently heard the doorbell ring as well.

"You must be Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha," Kisame greeted politely as he opened the door, "I've heard so much about you; I'm Kisame Hoshigaki; welcome to Samehada Manor." He shook the hand of the stern raven-haired man in front of him and ushered the pair of them inside. They were accompanied by a bespectacled, red-haired young lady.

"Oh god no," Sasuke whispered in horror as he recognised her.

"Sasuke!" Mikoto exclaimed in delight as she spied her youngest son. She eagerly opened her arms and enveloped him in a massive hug which Sasuke reluctantly returned. Over her shoulder he could see the laughing faces of Naruto, Kiba and Suigetsu hiding behind the railings of the floor above; obviously amused by his discomfort. "I'm so glad to see that you're doing well!"

"Yes, mother, I'm fine," Sasuke muttered as he was released and Itachi received much the same treatment.

"Hello, Karin," Itachi commented stiffly as he eyed the haughty, red-haired girl standing beside his father, "Father; I assumed that Nagato was to be joining you?"

"Nagato had business elsewhere in the country," Fugaku Uchiha informed his younger son, "His younger sister was more than happy to represent their father though." He turned to Kisame, "Mr Hoshigaki –"

" –Please, call me Kisame."

" – _Kisame_ ; Karin here is the daughter of an old family friend who has shown interest in being involved with the renovation of this manor, should we acquire it," Fugaku informed him.

"Lovely to meet you," Kisame commented.

"…Why are you blue?" Karin asked flatly; turning her nose up at him. Itachi and Sasuke exchanged dark looks.

"Medical condition," Kisame replied politely.

"Oh that is so interesting," Mikoto commented brightly, "You must tell me more about it; I was a nurse before I married Fugaku and –"

" –Mother…" Itachi coughed awkwardly and she smiled apologetically.

"We have dinner waiting for you," Kisame informed the trio, "Mr Uchiha; I would be happy to discuss business with you after, if you feel up to it after the trip out here."

"Very good," Fugaku nodded shortly, "Itachi; I trust Sasuke has been keeping up with his studies while he's been here."

"Of course," Itachi assured his father, "And I think you're going to approve of the property, father; it is in need of some slight repairs, but it has a certain appeal to it."

"It's beautiful," Mikoto commented conversationally to Kisame as they headed into the dining room where Sakura was busy bringing dinner out on various plates while Deidara and Neji finished setting the table. "Oh, how delightful!"

"Mrs Uchiha, this is my daughter, Sakura; and my two eldest sons; Deidara and Neji," Kisame introduced, "Kids; why don't you go and get changed for dinner; and tell your siblings that our guests are here?"

"Yes dad," the three of them replied in unison before escaping out the door once more. Kisame gestured for them to sit. Sasuke was rather uncomfortable with the fact that Karin had chosen to sit beside him.

"Itachi and Sasuke didn't mention there were other children here," Mikoto commented to Kisame in interest, "I hope Sasuke behaved himself; he tends to be a little…antisocial." Sasuke glared at his mother.

"I hadn't noticed," the blue man replied, though Sasuke knew quite well that he was being mocked. He was very aware that Karin was sitting a little bit closer than was strictly necessary, and that her hand was creeping closer towards his on the table. Uncomfortable, he yanked his hand away and placed it in his lap. There was a bark from somewhere out in the foyer.

"…Oh, I thought I told Kiba to put Akamaru outside…" Kisame sighed, "I'm sorry; the kids like their dogs inside."

"It's not a problem," Mikoto replied brightly, "I love dogs –"

"Not these ones, you wouldn't…" Sasuke muttered sharply. The door suddenly opened and Sasuke looked over to see Kiba, Ino and Suigetsu making an appearance; all dressed their nicest and trying to look pleasant.

"Are the others coming?" Kisame inquired curiously as the three of them introduced themselves to the Uchihas.

"Yeah; Hidan's just lost his head again but Shikamaru's helping him find it," Suigetsu replied and the three of them chuckled a little at the inside joke; Sasuke assuming that it was one of them that had hidden it in the first place.

"…Is Hidan having dinner with us?" Ino asked curiously after they received a warning look from their father.

"Indeed," Kisame nodded and the three of them stared at him incredulously, "Itachi spoke with him, I believe." The incredulous look was redirected to the elder Uchiha, who politely said nothing but just smirked at them.

Finally, Kisame's children were all seated around the table; and Hidan was the last to arrive; dressed nicely in a collared shirt and gritting his teeth slightly.

"S-Sorry to keep you all waiting," he remarked in a cracked tone, and Sasuke almost laughed at how obviously pained he was in trying to  _not_  burst out swearing.

"It's not a problem," Mikoto assured him kindly, "I've been having a lovely chat with Naruto and Shikamaru here; I'm glad to see you aren't running around like a headless chicken anymore like they said you were."

"They said that, did they?" Hidan remarked in a tone that held a slight trace of a threat directed at the two younger teens. Itachi shot the platinum-haired man a look and he said nothing more.

Dinner progressed lightly. Kisame and Fugaku engaged in interested business talk with the odd interjection from Itachi with a question about how things were running in the city. Sasuke, for the most part, picked at his food and threw irritated looks at Karin whenever she tried to sidle closer to him. She either didn't notice the looks or chose to ignore him, because her fingers kept dancing across his arm and leg, and he did not appreciate it in the slightest.

Suigetsu, sitting opposite him, seemed to find it absolutely hilarious. All of a sudden, Naruto paused in his eating and took a deep breath. Sakura's eyes widened in horror and she instantly clamped a hand over her brother's mouth dramatically; halting his sneeze before he could teleport. Karin looked up with a frown.

"…Sneezing at the dinner table is impolite," Sakura offered as a weak explanation; Naruto nodding to assure her that he wasn't about to sneeze. She removed her hand with a sigh.

"So you're all in the same year at school as Sasuke?" Mikoto asked Naruto curiously.

"Yeah," he replied, "He's…been…helpful…I guess…" he added awkwardly; not liking to admit that he'd needed Sasuke's help as a tutor.

"Sasuke's actually helping you with schoolwork?" she exclaimed in surprise, "Is he being held at gunpoint? I could  _never_  get him to do anything like that back at his old school!" Naruto and his siblings all sniggered at that; and the way that the raven blushed in irritation. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he spied with horror; Hidan's hand scampering along the table. His eyes widened, and Shikamaru happened to see this.

Before anyone could see, the hand was quickly levitated into the air and thrown out the nearby window.

"…What was that?" Karin inquired with a scowl; having seen something move in her periphery.

"Ow!" Hidan snapped at Shikamaru; remembering himself and hiding his handless stump under the table.

" –It was nothing," Sakura assured her quickly, "So, um, Karin, was it? What brings you to Konoha?"

" –I'm representing my father's company," the red-haired girl replied stiffly, but then her expression became quite smug and flirtatious, "…And I just couldn't pass up the chance to see Sasuke again!" Sasuke gritted his teeth as she turned to look at him adoringly from the corner of his eye. "Sasuke, everyone at private school misses you; I can't believe you have to slum it with commoners here…" The glass Sakura was holding promptly shattered as she clenched it too tightly. Eyes turned to her.

"…Sorry dad; I…it fell over…" she lied badly with a wince.

"It's okay blossom; is your hand okay?"

Sakura nodded, glaring over at Karin. The red-haired girl met her gaze coolly and the pinkette's hand curled into a fist. Who did this girl think she was?

"Well, I can show you to where you'll be staying, and then I'll be glad to engage in discussion with you," Kisame offered kindly, "Kids –" Almost out of habit, some of the plates began to rise into mid-air. The teenagers immediately panicked and caught them before it became too noticeable. Shikamaru blinked in surprise at his own carelessness before sheepishly getting up to help clear the table; a few of the plates clattering back to the table. Immediately, Kiba apologised for kicking the table as explanation for the resounding noise.

"No, Itachi; don't you dare," Kisame added warningly as the elder Uchiha made to help with the dishes. Itachi just smirked superiorly and got up anyway, as if to say ' _You can't tell me what to do_ '.

* * *

"Your children are lovely," Mikoto remarked to Kisame as he helped carry her suitcase in through the front door, "So well-behaved!"

"…You think so?" he laughed weakly, having noticed both the flying hand incident and the way Shikamaru had almost levitated the plates away.

"I'm so glad that they get along with Sasuke," she sighed, "He was never very good at making friends back in the city; he seems to be quite comfortable with them." She looked over her shoulder in time to see her son swatting Naruto over the head for something he'd said. She giggled sweetly at the annoyed look her youngest son was wearing. "Dinner was lovely, thank you."

"Itachi was responsible for it," Kisame assured her, "Sakura wouldn't let me near the food; she's adamant that Itachi's a much better cook than me."

"Well, I'm glad that he's not having you slave away after him," she commented while Fugaku and Sakura finished bringing in the luggage. Sakura immediately excused herself and headed up to the second floor to sit and peer through the banister.

"So…Sasuke; whereabouts is  _your_  room?" Karin was inquiring slyly as she sidled up next to him. He flinched away from her in irritation, "I was hoping you could give me the private tour?" There was a not-so-subtle tone to her words that he was really disliking.

"I'd be happy to show you around!" Naruto suddenly remarked brightly; making Karin jump out of her skin as he interrupted her obvious flirting, "Come on Karin! This house is huge; it might take us  _ages_  to see everywhere! Sasuke's got homework to do, anyway; right, Sasuke?"

"Yeah; so much homework," Sasuke lied in relief as Naruto glared at the back of Karin's head; the blonde feeling some weird kind of well… _jealousy_  welling up inside him. She'd been hanging off his arm all dinner, and it was just  _annoying_  to see her trying to make a move on him when he was clearly uninterested. He looked up to find that the majority of his siblings were standing on the landing of the second floor and looking down on him with rather knowing eyes.

Suddenly, Naruto's eyes widened in shock and he bolted for the nearest room. There was suddenly a resounding sneeze from the direction he'd run into, and then a short flash of light from somewhere above the foyer. Shikamaru's eyes widened from where he was leaning on the banister and observing the proceedings.

"What was –" Karin inquired; about to look around.

" –Oh that must be Naruto's allergies again," Itachi swiftly interrupted; drawing her attention away from the chandelier, where Naruto had teleported and was now swinging precariously. Shikamaru, Sakura and Ino all breathed a sigh of relief as their brother teleported away again; escaping the notice of their guests.

"Is it just me or is our baby brother  _jealous_?" Neji inquired conversationally to his siblings (minus Naruto of course).

"Looks that way," Kiba chuckled, looking down to where Naruto had re-emerged into the foyer and had started arguing with Sasuke about something; Karin looking back and glaring at the blonde. "What do you think, Shika?"

"Oh, I  _know_ ," Shikamaru replied and they all looked at him questioningly. He gave them a flat look and they understood.

" _Ohhhh_ …" they all muttered; knowing just exactly how he knew that Naruto was jealous of the attention that Karin was giving Sasuke. Shikamaru had seen some weird things while dream-walking. He didn't need to elaborate further.

"I don't like her," Sakura sniffed, "Shall we get rid of her?"

"Dad said we had to be good," Ino muttered crossly.

" –Who cares what dad said?" Suigetsu smirked cheekily.

" –But Itachi's parents are here too, yeah," Deidara snorted, "And they seem all right; I mean, for Uchihas; yeah." They all frowned thoughtfully. "You think Sasuke likes Naruto?"

"Well if he does, he's never going to realise with that bitch around," Ino sighed, rolling her eyes, "And he  _is_  gay, remember?" She clamped a hand over her mouth, "…None of you tell dad that I read his mind, okay!" Her siblings rolled their eyes at her carelessness.

"Speaking of dad…" Shikamaru commented, looking over the railing to where their father was showing Mikoto and Fugaku to their room. Kisame was herding Itachi in the same direction; his hand companionably on the small of the raven's back to direct him. As expected, Itachi didn't seem in the least bit bothered. He sighed. "Troublesome." So much to do. So little time. He ran the various issues over in his mind and rubbed his chin. First thing's first...

"…So here's the plan…"

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear! What do these mischievous teenagers have in store? Nothing good, probably! And it looks like their poor father's going to wind up involved in their plans! I'm sure they're well-meaning...right?


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

"No! I refuse to spend another moment longer in this god-forsaken house! This place gives me the creeps! It's haunted; these people are psycho and I hate it!"

The door slammed shut with an almighty crash; causing everyone present to flinch.

"I apologise for her," Mikoto sighed, "She's always been a little bit of a brat…I'm sorry that we have to leave so suddenly."

"It's absolutely fine," Kisame replied as she and Fugaku headed for the door.

"We certainly appreciate your hospitality; and we'll definitely be in touch," Fugaku remarked stiffly; parting with a firm handshake, "I'm glad to see my boys are in good hands here."

"It was lovely to meet you both," Kisame assured them with a small smile as they waved goodbye. The door clicked shut behind them and he sighed heavily; setting his jaw and turning slowly to face his children who were all wearing less-than-innocent poker faces.

"Okay; what was that all about?" he demanded to know; hands on his hips.

"What makes you think we had anything to do with anything?" Naruto inquired innocently; batting his bright; angelic eyes at his dad. Kisame stared them down, but they met his gaze evenly; definitely not apologetic.

" –Anyone like to explain to me what's going on?" he inquired suspiciously.

* * *

** Saturday **

By eleven am Mikoto and Fugaku had both risen and were being given the full tour of the house by Kisame. Naruto chuckled to himself as he sat perched on the edge of Karin's bed; watching her sleep rather gleefully. Feeling rather smug; he suddenly dispersed into thin air; becoming an electric current and diving into the nearest plug socket; charging up the radio to full volume.

Rock music blared out through the speakers, and the redhead awoke with a shrill screech. She lunged out at the radio and sent it flying across the room when it didn't turn off with her first hit. Panting and huffing, she sat upright and stared around her. Naruto, still an electric impulse, travelled up through the circuits in the house and emerged from one of the sockets in Suigetsu's room. His brother high-fived him with an explosive laugh, having heard her scream.

"Man, that was fucking genius!" Suigetsu roared, "Man; you gotta come see this; Neji's going to fucking  _freak her out_  when she comes out of her room!" The pair of them snuck out onto the landing and peered down so that they had a clear view of both first and second floor landings. Karin had emerged, carrying her towel for a shower. She looked up over her shoulder and started in surprise, apparently seeing Neji standing there in the shadows; just watching her.

"Hey; what do you think you're looking at, creep?" she snapped irritably. Without a word, he vanished into the depths of the house. Naruto sniggered to himself as Suigetsu broke out into a silent cackle.

"Hey, hey; I'll go mess with her while she's in the shower, right?" Suigetsu smirked, thinking back to how the redhead had had the gall to sneak into Sasuke's room the night before and make herself rather comfortable on his bed; only for Sasuke to physically remove her from his room when he arrived back there. The white-haired boy began melting down into the floor.

Karin was about halfway through her shower when suddenly, the water ran incredibly cold. She gave a wild yell and shuddered, trying to adjust the temperature. Immediately, it ran incredibly hot and she leapt back a pace; only for it to temperamentally right itself again. She made an annoyed noise; things weren't going her way were they?

And then she felt it. Something crawling up her leg. She gave another yell and kicked out wildly; only to realise that there was nothing there but water.

"…This small-town feel is making me crazy…" she muttered to herself, beginning to wash off the rest of the soap covering her body. And then something that felt  _definitely_  like hands groped her ass quite vigorously and she screamed again; leaping out of the shower and snatching her towel free. She wrapped it around herself in horror.

As she exited the bathroom, she bumped into Sasuke, who had just finished breakfast.

"Something the matter, Karin?" he inquired flatly. He'd heard the scream and had a feeling that one of his housemates was responsible.

"…S-Sasuke…thank god you came…" she simpered in that god-awful voice she put on when they were alone, "I…I think this house is haunted…"

"Haunted, you think?" Sasuke commented in amusement –though apparently she thought it sounded like concern.

"It was awful!" Karin complained, "…I was in the shower…and I just felt this…this  _thing_  touching me! I'm sure –"

"You're probably imagining things," he shrugged, "There's no such thing as ghosts, right?" She frowned and gripped his arm tightly; pressing up against him.

" –Well…if I  _wasn't_  imagining…you'd protect me, right?" she whispered in a soft tone. He just rolled his eyes and shook her off.

"Breakfast's down in the kitchen," he informed her, "Help yourself."

" –Won't you come with me?" she inquired, "What if I run into one of those creepy kids? I saw one of them looking at me; he looked like some sort of predator…God, you never know what country folk are like…I've seen _Wrong Turn_!"

"…Did you just compare them to mutant cannibalistic inbreds?" Sasuke commented flatly.

"Well; have you seen their dad?" Karin snorted, "He looks like something out of a horror movie!"

"Kisame's a good guy," Sasuke snapped; quick to defend him.

"…Yeah, if you're into aliens…" she sniffed, stalking past him to head back to her room. Sasuke looked up and spied Naruto and Suigetsu laughing from the banister before both vanishing in a flash of light as the blonde teleported them away. This couldn't be good. Then again…maybe it could be.

* * *

"Hey, Itachi," Kiba called out, "I was supposed to go help dad give the tour around the gardens but Akamaru really wants to go for a walk; you think you could go instead?" Itachi looked up from where he was absorbed in his book and shrugged.

"I suppose so," he admitted as Kiba gratefully bolted out the door; smugly transforming into a dog  _just_  before Itachi's parents made an appearance at the top of the stairs. He placed a bookmark to mark his page and headed over to join Kisame as they headed for the back door.

"You're going to love the grounds, mother," he assured Mikoto.

" –Oh, you weren't lying, Itachi," she commented soon after, as Kisame guided them through the rose gardens, "These plants are so healthy and so beautiful; Kisame, are you sure you don't have a professional gardener?"

" –Just the kids and Hidan to mow the lawns," he chuckled, "But you might say Ino has a bit of a green thumb; she designed these gardens."

"Such a talented young lady," Mikoto nodded approvingly; very impressed by the beauty of the freshly blooming flowers. " –And how does she get these to grow in summer? They're usually winter plants –" Kisame just chuckled noncommittally and looked over to where Itachi was standing on the other side of the pebbled path. Was it just him or were the flowers blooming a lot more prominently around him?

"…Is something the matter, Kisame?" Itachi asked curiously; a little unnerved by the fact that he'd caught the elder man's eyes on him. He blushed a little and turned away; only to notice that Kisame was holding out a flower to him. "…I…um…"

" –For your mother," Kisame quickly explained, rubbing the back of his neck, "She seemed to like them, and it wouldn't be proper for me to offer it to her."

"…Of course," Itachi coughed quickly; brushing his hair back off his face and then scolding himself for acting like a small child. He took the flower gently and nearly died of embarrassment when he realised that he'd let his own fingertips linger for longer than was strictly necessary.

"Are you kidding me?" Ino hissed to Sakura as they crouched behind one of the hedges; peering out from between the branches at the four people moving down the beautiful, immaculate gardens, "What's more romantic than a bloody rose garden?"

"He gave him a flower –" Sakura pointed out.

"Yeah, but nothing happened," Ino sniffed, "They were meant to have like…a moment, or something…"

"We watch too many movies…" Sakura sighed heavily.

* * *

"Mikoto; have you noticed anything unusual today?" Karin asked as she sat at the table with the two elder Uchihas and Sasuke; waiting for dinner to be served.

"Unusual how?" Mikoto asked; unsure about what she was talking about.

"…Oh…never mind…" Karin muttered, not wanting to sound  _crazy_. She knew she'd just sound paranoid if she voiced aloud that she'd felt like she was being watched all day; and that she kept sort of hearing things and seeing things in her periphery that were making her doubt that she was even awake. Sasuke, who had a fairly good inkling of what 'unusual' things Karin was talking about; just smirked.

Shikamaru was the first of the teenagers to join the table.

"Evening," he drawled, "I hope you're finding everything to your liking?"

"The property is very valuable," Fugaku remarked sternly, "Your father's taken good care of it…" Hidan, Naruto and Deidara joined the table; Deidara obviously biting his lip to avoid breaking out into some sort of argument with Hidan in the presence of guests. Naruto took a spot opposite Sasuke as Shikamaru coughed self-consciously and relaxed a little bit. He knew that Itachi was in the next room over; preparing dinner, and reached out with his mind; softly speaking to the other man's subconscious.

 _I wonder if the seasoning is right_. And thus, the subtle thought was planted.

Itachi frowned to himself; licking his lips. Was the seasoning right? He took another spoonful of the sauce and looked across to Kisame.

" –Kisame, would you try this?" he inquired curiously; holding the spoon up to mouth-level for the bigger man. Kisame paused for a moment, and then slowly leaned in to lick the sauce off it; eyes locked with Itachi's black gaze the entire time. The raven felt himself growing a little warm at the intensity of Kisame's stare.

"…It's…maybe a bit more pepper?" Kisame coughed self-consciously after a moment had passed; stepping back a pace. He hadn't realised he'd moved closer to the younger man. He looked over and saw that Ino was looking over her shoulder at them. Caught; she immediately got back to work with organising serving utensils.

 _Shikamaru! Not good enough! You should've been more obvious!_  She snapped at him telepathically. Shikamaru, in the dining room, flinched at the volume of the mental shout.

"Dammit Ino!" he snapped out loud; clamping his hands over his ears; only to realise that he'd spoken aloud. He paused. "…Um…Damn…I just realised that…Ino…didn't get enough forks out…" There was an awkward pause.

" –Everyone has a fork, yeah," Deidara frowned, only to be kicked under the table by Hidan; who promptly swiped Deidara's fork and chucked it on the ground. The blonde glared at the elder man and then realised what had happened, "…I mean…yeah; I guess she forgot to get me a fork…I'll go…get another one…" Naruto was apparently trying very hard not to laugh, and Sasuke just glared at him across the table for being so obvious that something was up.

Again, dinner was polite; Mikoto engaged in conversation with them all while Kisame and Fugaku traded gruff conversation about politics, the economy and how Kisame had come to be the owner of such a fine property. Fugaku apparently seemed quite impressed with how knowledgeable the other man was.

Sasuke was part-way through his dinner when he could've sworn he heard Shikamaru's voice. He looked across the table, but saw that the other boy wasn't speaking.

 _Put your left hand under the table_ , the voice was saying, and Sasuke realised with sudden shock that the voice was simply  _in his head_. Since this had never happened, despite having two psychics in the house, the feeling felt foreign and well… _strange_.

 _Trust Shikamaru. It'll be funny_ , Ino's voice added; and Sasuke was uncomfortable with the fact that it was very possible that they had used this method of conversation to talk about him. In any case, he decided to humour them this one, and dropped his left hand casually under the tablecloth. Sakura immediately began giggling, but clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Something funny, Sakura?" Kisame inquired suspiciously.

"No…no dad," she assured him; biting her lip.

A few minutes later, Karin started feeling something running lightly up her thigh. She looked over to her right and saw that Sasuke's hand was concealed underneath the tablecloth. She blushed and looked at him sideways; winking at him. The hand on her leg slid a little higher and rubbed a little harder. She took an unsteady breath and licked her lips.

Sasuke saw the wink and her blush. He also saw Deidara rolling his eyes, and Hidan looking very pleased with himself. Karin giggled a little to herself; a little excited that Sasuke was finally responding to her advances.

"…Is something the matter, Karin?" Sasuke inquired curiously, raising his left hand up from underneath the tablecloth to run through his hair. Karin's eyes widened in horror as she continued to feel that same massaging pressure on her leg despite Sasuke's hand being  _above_  the table. With a shrill yell, she leapt backwards, wrenching the tablecloth up; only to find nothing there. The teens at the table; all having known what had happened, chuckled into their food as she stared around; wide-eyed.

Sasuke winced a little and reached under the tablecloth to grab at the severed hand that had decided to leap for safety into his crotch. He wrestled with the fingers for a moment before it scrabbled down his legs and obviously over to Hidan.

"…Karin, what's wrong?" Mikoto inquired in a worried voice.

" –I…there was something on my leg!" she squealed in horror.

"…Maybe it was a rat," Kiba commented, taking a drink of water to hide the fact that he was trying not to laugh, "…Sometimes we get rats." Kisame looked over at his son suspiciously. Hidan rested both elbows on the table and rested his head in both hands.

" –Maybe I can give you a  _hand_  with those rat problems," he chuckled pointedly, and Naruto promptly spluttered into his water and asked to be excused for a moment. Even Neji was struggling to keep a straight face. Karin; still panting heavily, reluctantly took a seat once more.

"This house is weird," she muttered under her breath. Sasuke couldn't help but smirk a little.

* * *

** Sunday **

Itachi was busy enjoying his morning coffee when Karin dragged herself downstairs. She looked like she hadn't slept a wink.

"Have a good sleep?" he asked sarcastically. She glared at him. The two of them had never really been on very good terms, even when he'd dated her brother. She liked to think that she was above everyone else; and claimed to 'love' Sasuke; when what she really 'loved' about him was his money, his fame and title, and the fact that his children would likely be beautiful. She'd also quite openly claimed that Itachi was a gold digger –since Nagato was at least fifteen years older than him –despite the fact that the Uchihas were by far richer, more powerful and more famous.

"This house…" Karin growled darkly, "I barely got any sleep!"

"Oh; what was the problem?" Itachi inquired innocently; not particularly caring, but intrigued as to what Kisame's children were inflicting upon her.

"My lights wouldn't stop turning on and off –"

_Well, that would be Naruto…_

" –My door would keep unlocking itself and swinging open…"

_Shikamaru._

"And I kept hearing like tapping on my window from like the trees!" Karin complained.

_Ino._

"Well, it's an old house," Itachi reminded her casually, "It's bound to be a bit faulty."

"Faulty? It's creepy! It's haunted! These people are  _weird_  and not like  _us_! One of them keeps staring at me in like the shadows and they seem like losers!" she snapped.

"Interesting," Itachi remarked as though it was the least interesting conversation he'd ever had. "Coffee?"

Karin, with coffee in hand, stalked back up towards her bedroom; hoping she could maybe get in a daytime nap. Suddenly feeling that same sense of being watched, she spun around; only to find that there was nothing there but her shadow. Frowning, she turned back to head up the stairs; not noticing the way that Shikamaru slowly began to slink up from where he had hidden himself  _as_  her shadow.

"Oh Sasuke!" Karin exclaimed with a bright smile, "How about you show me around town today? I promised our friends I'd get them a souvenir."

"Our friends," Sasuke scoffed; noticing Shikamaru rising out of the shadow; only half of his body fully formed. He chuckled to himself. Karin spun around; looking over her shoulder again; still seeing only her shadow.

"What?" she snapped, staring up at him and continuing to ascend the stairs. Suddenly, she stumbled and nearly spilled her coffee as she lost her balance, "Oh my god; Sasuke! Something grabbed my foot!"

"…I didn't see anything," he remarked flatly as he grudgingly helped her to regain her balance.

"B-But…" she stammered, and then blinked a few times. She could've sworn that she just felt something grip her ankle. "Okay…I just didn't get a very good sleep."

"Sleeping in a new place will do that to you," Sasuke commented disinterestedly; continuing on down the stairs. There was a sudden sharp barking from outside and the door opened; followed by a large white dog sprinting in; carrying something in its jaws.

"Oi, ya mutt! Give that back!" Hidan's voice snapped angrily as he and Kiba chased Akamaru into the foyer. Akamaru growled; gripping the object even tighter.

" – _Is that a human hand_?" Karin shrieked in horror. Sasuke flinched at the piercing scream. Kiba and Hidan exchanged looks and then looked at Akamaru. It was very obviously Hidan's hand; held limply in the dog's jaws.

"Tch, what are you talking about? It's a dog toy," Kiba rolled his eyes, "Clearly!" As if to prove this; Akamaru tossed the hand into the air and viciously caught it in his jaws again; gnawing on it. There wasn't any blood; but Hidan was looking incredibly uncomfortable and gritting his teeth angrily. Karin panted a few times; staring hard at the 'toy'. It looked very realistic; but…but there was no way that could be something belonging to a human! Letting out a sigh of relief, she turned her back again and stumbled off to her room; flinging a dirty look over her shoulder.

As soon as she was gone, Hidan stalked over to Akamaru and snatched his throbbing hand from the dog's mouth; swatting him with it.

"Stop biting off my fucking limbs," he snapped at the animal.

For Karin, the rest of the day proceeded in much the same fashion. She would see that weird, white-eyed guy watching her from around corners; she could swear that shadows were following her; lights would turn on and off; taps would turn on and off; it even felt like the flowers were watching her! She hated it! And then…she even had a weird dream that night…where that bitch of a pink-haired girl told her to  _leave Sasuke alone_! Like she _ever_  stood a chance with a stud like Sasuke!

* * *

** Monday morning: present **

At the very mention of spending another few nights; Karin had burst into a tantrum; leading to her storming from the house.

"What  _am_  I going to do with you kids?" Kisame sighed heavily when he heard the car pulling out of the driveway, "Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Teacher only day," Suigetsu informed him smugly.

" –Don't look so pleased with yourself, young man," Kisame scolded, running a hand through his hair, "I should ground you all –and don't even begin to claim that you had nothing to do with this! I told you to behave yourselves!"

"We did," Naruto pouted, "…Around the Uchihas…" he added as a mutter.

"Okay, that's it; you're all grounded," their father growled sternly; folding his arms, "Two weeks. You probably traumatized that poor girl –don't complain. You're lucky I'm not making it longer."

"She was a bitch," Sakura pointed out.

"…She was a bitch," Itachi agreed with a slight chuckle.

"Don't side with them," Kisame scolded the raven playfully, "They'll think they've won. I have to punish them for misusing their abilities!"

"Of course, Kisame," Itachi apologised, but when the bigger man had turned his back, he secretly flicked a thumbs up as a 'job well done' to the teenagers, who all chuckled to themselves. "The thing with the hand at dinner?" Itachi whispered, "Genius."

"Itachi; stop congratulating them on their scheming, thank you," Kisame remarked dryly; though there was a trace of amusement in his voice.

Sasuke headed over to the living room to get on with some of his homework as the others dispersed into the house. It was interesting; over the past two days, he'd actually come to appreciate a little, how difficult it was for his housemates to live a  _normal_  life. When they weren't terrorising Karin; they'd really put in an effort to make a good impression on his parents.

That was no easy feat; especially when Shikamaru was napping; he'd seen Kiba and Deidara pretending to be playing catch with various books in the living room to hide the fact that some of them had been levitating.

Naruto and his sneezes; they'd come close to not being able to distract them in time. Suigetsu tended to melt all over the place sometimes if he didn't concentrate; that led to a lot of watermarks on the carpet. Kiba couldn't help but go chase the mailman; he'd immediately shape-shift if he got wind of a squirrel; and he tended to subconsciously growl when he was around someone he didn't like. Sakura's strength got in the way if she wasn't careful (he'd seen her accidentally break at least four plates and three doors by accidentally ripping off the hinges). Not to mention that Deidara had a temper that was often barely controlled; hence fires, and Hidan had a bad habit of his limbs just randomly disassociating from his body.

Normal wasn't really their thing. It wasn't made for them.

"Oh, by the way," Kisame commented curiously as he and Itachi both headed for the kitchen, "How did you get Hidan to behave all weekend? He didn't swear; he didn't put his…well…he didn't leave limbs in the guest rooms…He didn't even provoke Deidara!" Itachi just chuckled.

"I twisted his ear a little," he admitted with a smirk, "Quite literally –he hates that, by the way; and I may have threatened to confiscate his car if he didn't do as he was told."

"…Did you assault and blackmail a psychopath into obedience?" Kisame exclaimed in surprise.

"A little," Itachi admitted with a smirk.

"Feel free to discipline my kids," the elder man chuckled, "For that, you are completely forgiven for supporting their behaviour this weekend."

"I'm glad."

"…Are they…are they flirting?" Suigetsu remarked flatly; staring incredulously at their backs and inclining his head in confusion.

"Of course they are," Ino sighed heavily.

"Damn it, this is infuriating," Sakura grumbled; watching their father laugh at something else that Itachi smugly commented. She smirked and stalked past Naruto; eyeing Sasuke who was sitting in the living room with his books. "…But at least she'll never be coming back. Now he's all yours," she added as a cheeky smirk.

"W-What are you talking about?" Naruto exclaimed in a squawk, " _That's_  what this was about? You guys are assholes! I-I'm not… _What did Shikamaru tell you?_ " When his siblings just laughed and stalked off, he folded his arms crossly and pouted like a child.

"No. I do  _not_  like him," he grumbled, "It was just a weird dream." He looked over at the raven, who looked up with his uninterested black eyes.

" –Oi, idiot; do you want help with chemistry or not?" he snorted, "I have much better things I could be doing than helping you." His words were mocking, but Naruto knew there wasn't much bite to it. He just stuck his tongue out at him teasingly.

"Jackass."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, Itachi and Kisame are being cute but not acknowledging it. Maybe they just need a bit of a push. . . Or maybe a bit more of a push. And maybe Naruto just needs something to push him out of denial. . . . .  
> Life's never boring at Samehada Manor; that's for sure!  
> xx K


	11. Chapter 11

"Come on, Deidara, are you kidding me?" Naruto complained in annoyance as the flames of the gas-fire cooking his scrambled eggs suddenly reared up explosively. The long-haired blonde was sitting at the table rather moodily; toying with his food.

"Deidara; don't play with your food," Itachi scolded as he poured a fresh coffee for Shikamaru, who was struggling to stay awake, "Wake up, Shikamaru; you have to leave for school in half an hour." Shikamaru made a noncommittal kind of noise and slurped at the coffee; too lazy to even complain when he scalded his tongue. A bunch of grapes burst into flame as Deidara made sure that everyone present knew he was in a poor mood.

"Fucking chill out, blondie," Hidan snorted, stalking past and tugging on the blonde's long hair. The next step he took was right onto a flaming tile, " _Fucking hell, Deidara_!" One of his eyes dropped out of its socket in shock at the heat rocketing through his foot. The eyeball went soaring and landed right in Sasuke's coffee.

" _God. Fucking. OW!"_ Hidan shrieked; clutching his empty socket in pain. Sasuke distastefully fished out the eyeball with a spoon and threw it to Naruto to run under cold water. "What's got you in a pissy mood?"

"Nothing," Deidara snapped hotly, but his words were disproven as he got up and everything in a metre radius of him caught fire. Hidan leapt back; swiftly re-obtaining his eye and managing to avoid the flames as they withered once more under Itachi's scathing scowl. Without another word, the blonde heaved his bag over his shoulder and stalked out of the kitchen; obviously off to the art studio to continue with his portfolio.

"What's wrong with your brother?" Itachi inquired of Shikamaru as Naruto hurried began stamping the remaining flames out. Shikamaru yawned.

"This happens every year," he shrugged, "It's Dei's birthday in two weeks and he's upset because dad won't be able to get off work for it."

"Oh crap, is it already his birthday?" Naruto winced; embarrassed that he'd forgotten, "Yeah; he hates his birthday; tries to pretend he doesn't care but…" He gestured at the singed floor.

"It's his twenty-first, too," Kiba piped up from where he was busy feeding Akamaru in the corner, "We all know he was hoping that dad would be able to be there."

"Fucking hell; could Deidara get any more fucking  _whiney_?" Hidan snorted, rolling his eyes, "I'm off to work. Later." He waved casually behind him and made a quick exit.

"What exactly does Hidan do?" Itachi asked curiously, "We've been living here for two months and I still don't know."

"Anything he can," Naruto replied, chomping down on an apple, "…Short of prostitution, that is."

" –Ahh, we're not actually  _sure_  that that's out of the question," Kiba corrected with a laugh, "Yeah; he does jobs for everyone in town; drives trucks and does deliveries and the likes. He probably has more jobs than dad."

"What does he want to, you know; do with his life?" Itachi asked curiously as he opened the oven and pulled out a perfectly browned quiche that he'd been making that morning.

"Asides from put us all through college?" Kiba snorted, "We don't have a fucking clue."

" –Put you all through college?"

"We're all graduating from high school at the end of the year," Naruto reminded Itachi, "Dad couldn't even afford to send Deidara when he graduated, and we can't all have scholarships like Shikamaru and Neji; so Hidan's been helping dad out. Don't tell Deidara though; it's a surprise."

"Wow," Itachi blinked in surprise at hearing this about the loudmouth  _Hidan_. He was working to help Kisame's kids get through college. What…what a nice guy. He was thoroughly glad he'd bought the guy a car. "Kiba; come get something to take to school for lunch; you can't just go eating that dog food all the time. Sasuke, you too; you can't live on tomatoes."

"When exactly did you become the boss of me?" Sasuke sniffed crossly, but accepted the piece of quiche in a snap-lock bag that he was offered. Sakura and Ino suddenly made an appearance; having just finished getting ready for school.

"Young lady; what did your father say about wearing miniskirts to school?" Itachi queried sternly; folding his arms as he examined what Ino was wearing.

"Don't tell him, please!" Ino begged.

"Give me one good reason."

"…There's this guy who Ino likes," Sakura giggled, earning an annoyed slap and a 'traitor!' from her sister, "Oh come on, Ino; it's Itachi! There's this guy Ino likes, and she really wants him to notice her." Itachi sighed.

"Ino, you don't want to be chasing after a guy who only notices you when you wear skimpy clothes," he informed her, "What happened to that guy, Chouji? I thought you really liked him?"

"Well, I did; but he doesn't seem to be interested," Ino complained, "He doesn't come over and talk to me at all!"

"Just go and talk to him first," Itachi sniffed, "Since when do you have to sit around and wait for a guy to make the first move; he might just be shy because you're so pretty." Ino brightened immediately and beamed; wrapping her arms around his waist in a tight hug, "Now make sure you eat your lunch; you're getting too skinny. I won't tell Kisame about the miniskirt if you go and talk to Chouji today. Sakura; I'm relying on you to make sure she does it."

"Sure thing," Sakura grinned, taking her lunch. "You're the best!" She quickly stepped up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she and Ino hurried off towards the door with Kiba and Naruto.

"Bye mom!" Sakura hollered back as she headed through the door; only to blush as she remembered herself, "I mean;  _bye Itachi_!"

"Have a…have a good day at school," Itachi called after them; noticing his brother packing up rather smugly, "…Say nothing," he added darkly as he began clearing up the breakfast dishes. "That's the third time I've been called 'mom' this week."

"…Well, you  _are_  currently wearing an apron," Sasuke informed him dryly, repressing the urge to laugh at his brother's unimpressed face.

"Go to school," Itachi snapped, "And take Shikamaru with you. Shikamaru –"

"Yes mom…" the lazy teenager retorted with a chuckle; seeing Itachi with his hands on his hips impatiently. Itachi rolled his eyes; knowing that he was being mocked this time. He watched his brother leave the kitchen and was relieved when he was finally alone.

He could maybe understand why the kids kept accidentally calling him 'mom'. He made them school lunches and made sure they did their homework; kept the fridge well stocked; made them dinner sometimes; that was the least he could do to help out around the house. Of course, thanks to Ino, they'd found out he was gay; and the two girls had found it in their hearts to confide in him their boy troubles and general teenage girl angst. Unfortunately, being their 'mom' made him feel as though he was also Kisame's 'wife'.

The problem with  _that_ , was that he found his didn't actually have a problem with it.

More and more recently, he'd found himself getting very distracted by the older man. It was his own fault, really; for buying him tight shirts that accentuated his very impressed muscles; and well-fitting jeans that well…kind of just made him imagine…Even the fact that he was completely  _blue_  wasn't a turn off. There was just something incredibly  _appealing_  about him, and Itachi was a little unnerved about it.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't prefer older men. He'd been eighteen when he started dating Nagato, who'd been past thirty. There was only a twelve-year different between him and Kisame…

"Stop thinking about him, Itachi," Itachi muttered crossly to himself, "Stop it! You are probably going to be leaving soon! This was meant to be a business trip. Stop thinking…" he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He wasn't thinking about his chiselled Kisame's body was; or how kind he was to his kids; or how sexy his voice sounded; or how good he smelled.

"Goddamn it."

* * *

"Okay, now kids; you be sure to behave for Hidan," Kisame called out into the house as he adjusted the suit jacket he was wearing.

"Yes dad!" the teenagers called from the various landings as they spied down on their father waiting at the front door for Itachi.

"…Like these little shits are going to listen to a fucking word I say…" Hidan could be heard scoffing from the living room.

"Itachi; reservation's booked for seven-thirty," Kisame reminded him loudly, "Sakura; was it really necessary to tell him to book the most expensive restaurant in town?" he added with a sigh as he looked over to where his angelic daughter was reading her textbook on the floor. "It's just a business meeting."

"Well you don't get to eat out much at all," she sniffed, "And Itachi said he was paying in the hopes that it might help sway you. Besides; you finally get to wear your suit!"

"You're impossible, you know that?" Kisame sighed heavily; spying Itachi appearing at the top of the stairs and descending it with all the elegance and class expected of an Uchiha. He looked particularly mysterious tonight; black suit with a blue dress shirt and a black tie; looking completely the part of a representative of his father's corporation.

"And here I was getting used to seeing you in a casual wear," Kisame teased with a smirk.

"You scrub up well enough," Itachi replied haughtily, "Hopefully tonight we can finally sort out some business proposals; my father's really looking forward to working with you. And my mother won't stop talking about your children." Kisame just chuckled and gestured for the door; giving his visible children a warning glare to behave themselves. Several pairs of innocent eyes looked back at him and the door shut as the pair of them departed.

"Okay; so how long do we give them until we follow them?" Sakura immediately inquired curiously as Kiba and Ino slid down the banister and Shikamaru and Suigetsu melted down into the living room from the floor above.

"You're really going to do this?" Sasuke commented flatly.

"Of course!" Ino exclaimed, "This has totally got to be some kind of secret date!"

"…That doesn't seem like Itachi," he frowned, "…At least not openly."

"Oh come on; you can't say you don't want to spy on your brother, yeah," Deidara sniggered.

"Good point," Sasuke shrugged with a smirk, "So what's the plan?"

"I say we give them like…twenty minutes to get there and get settled," Sakura plotted, "Then Naruto's going to teleport Shikamaru in and he's going to spy on them as a shadow; and he can communicate everything that happens to Ino!"

"Should we really be prying into dad's private life?" Neji frowned, folding his arms sensibly, "I mean, this could just be a simple business meeting."

" –Well yeah," Suigetsu protested, "But on the off-chance it's a secret date; are you really prepared to  _not_  be in the know?"

"…Good point," Neji admitted, "Proceed."

"I'm going," Sasuke informed them; surprising them all, "What?" he added defensively when he saw their incredulous looks, "He's my brother; I should get to see first-hand what I'm later going to blackmail him with."

"I like the way you think, Uchiha," Naruto chuckled, "Hidan, you can _not_  tell dad what we're doing!"

"My lips are fucking sealed," Hidan cackled, "I'll be the first one to congratulate him if he ends up nailing 'Tachi."

"You're a fucking Neanderthal, yeah," Deidara snapped crossly.

"We don't want him to just nail him!" Ino sniffed, "We want Itachi to  _stay_!"

"What?" Sasuke frowned; raising an eyebrow and she blushed and struggled for words for a moment; finally deciding to stick to her statement.

"He's good for dad," she explained defensively, "Daddy laughs more when he's around; and he's nice; and thanks to him, I have a date with Chouji next Wednesday!" She folded her arms huffily and her siblings laughed. Sasuke just sighed in resignation; rolling his eyes.

Twenty-five minutes later, he found himself standing outside what was apparently the fanciest restaurant in town. He stumbled forwards; feeling a little bit motion sick. Naruto just chuckled; laying a hand on his shoulder to help steady him.

"Feel like throwing up?" Shikamaru inquired dryly. Sasuke nodded shortly. "Yeah; I don't get how Naruto can do it so much. Disintegrating into atoms and then reforming gives me indigestion." Without another word, he sank into the ground; becoming nothing more than a black pool of shadow that slowly began to creep towards the door; latching onto the shadow of another customer just entering the premises.

"…That's creepy," Sasuke commented flatly.

"Glad you're not the only one who thinks that," Naruto smirked, "Come on; let's go find somewhere to hide!" It didn't take the pair of them very long to locate Kisame; after all, his blue skin stood out against the crowd. They crouched in the garden; concealed by a hedge; able to spy on the pair quite clearly from their vantage point. Itachi was leaning on one of his hands; scanning through the menu whilst intently listening to what Kisame was saying.

"God, Itachi; you're so transparent," Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know if dad has noticed," Naruto commented with a frown.

The two of them sat there for nearly two hours; watching the progression of the meal. The atmosphere appeared to grow more casual; Itachi ordering several glasses of wine and even laughing a little bit. Mostly, though, his smiles were kept small; a trait that Sasuke had come to associate with his brother enjoying himself. Kisame didn't seem to have quite the same reservations, talking amiably and quite freely. Sasuke didn't know if Naruto had noticed, but over the course of the time they had been sitting there, their legs had grown closer under the table, and as they talked post-dessert, their hands on the table were almost touching.

"Oh shit, there's someone coming!" Naruto hissed, tugging on Sasuke's shirt as he spied a waiter coming out into the area near where they were concealed.

"Then don't just sit there,  _get down_!" Sasuke snapped and the two of them immediately ducked down into the garden as footsteps grew closer. The raven was pretty certain that the shrub above them was concealing them from sight from above…and he was also pretty certain that he was currently lying on top of Naruto.

"I hope this table suits you," the waiter was saying; apparently to a couple who were being seated just on the opposite side of the hedge. Naruto shifted beneath him; parting his legs a little to make himself more comfortable. Unfortunately, it meant that Sasuke was now lying quite firmly between the blonde's legs; with said blonde breathing rather heavily in his ear.

"…Quit breathing so loud!" he hissed darkly; the breathing and the proximity a little bit, well… _close_. He could feel Naruto's stomach pressed against his; could feel each breath he was taking.

"Sorry…" Naruto whispered against the raven's pale neck; sending a shiver down Sasuke's spine. He could hear the waiter inquiring whether the couple would care for a drink. Sasuke turned his head to look at the blonde; and suddenly found that their faces were just a little bit too close for comfort; Naruto's bright blue eyes twinkling in the dim lighting.

Apparently the waiter was new to the job or something, because as he was leaving the table, he stumbled, and his weight fell against the hedge for a moment; jolting the back of Sasuke's head and propelling it directly into Naruto's.

Their lips met for the briefest of moments; nothing more than a light touch; a gentle kiss. Sasuke's eyes widened as Naruto's eyes bulged and they both drew an awkward, shaky breath; even more aware now of the compromising situation they were currently in. Naruto squirmed awkwardly; squirming that Sasuke discovered he didn't altogether hate.

"…Am I interrupting something?" Shikamaru's amused voice remarked from the shadows nearby and both their faces turned in horror in the direction of the sound, "They're paying now. Are we going home?"

"Good plan," Naruto decided weakly.

* * *

"I can't believe it was just about business," Ino sulked as the teenagers all sat on the landings of the second and third floors in the dark; out of sight of the front door.

" –Not true," Shikamaru reminded her with a roll of his eyes, "They were talking about their childhoods; and what Itachi hoped to accomplish with the Uchiha Corporation; dad's also glad that we all like Itachi, by the way –"

"…And there was nothing?" Sakura pressed, "No hand holding? No winking?"

"No," Shikamaru replied for what felt like the thousandth time. There were heavy sighs from the four wings that were currently being occupied by the teenagers. "What's your take, Sasuke?" he added, turning to the raven who was sitting next to him.

"Itachi likes him," Sasuke snorted.

"Well  _obviously_ ," Sakura snorted from downstairs.

"Ssh! They're back!" Kiba hissed, and they descended into silence as the front door opened.

"…Kids?" Kisame called out into the house; receiving no response, "Well, I hope they're doing their homework. Hidan's probably gone to sleep; lazy asshole." He chuckled to himself, "You didn't need to pay for dinner, Itachi."

"It was only polite; I arranged this," Itachi sniffed as though it was no trouble, "I'm glad we got the chance to talk things over. It was nice." Sasuke's eyes widened suddenly as he noticed the way that Itachi brushed his bangs back off his face; almost nervously; only for them to fall back into place. He averted his eyes and licked his lips slightly.

"Shikamaru; Itachi wants Kisame to kiss him!" he hissed hurriedly.

"What?" Shikamaru growled back, "Are you sure?"

"…You really think this is the first time I've spied on Itachi?" Sasuke snorted; having seen Itachi on numerous first dates –always acting in the exact same way, "This is Itachi being a girl from a romantic comedy! He wants him to kiss him!"

"If I didn't know better, Itachi Uchiha; I'd say that that was a date," Kisame joked with a light smirk. Itachi just met his gaze coolly.

"Well, it's a good thing you know better," he remarked in an aloof tone, " –Seeing as this was purely business, after all."

"Indeed," the elder man commented, "I mean…it's a shame, really; because if this hypothetically  _was_  a date…" he mused; almost to himself, "Then this would be when I kiss you, right?"

"Goddamn it, Shikamaru," Sasuke hissed as he watched Itachi's cheeks dust slightly pink. Itachi didn't get the chance to offer a retort for this, because apparently Kisame had managed to pick up the subtle signs without the intervention of his psychic son.

Before Itachi could say anything, Kisame grasped his neck with one hand and drew him in; firmly pressing their mouths together. Lips languidly massaged the raven's; slowly coaxing a response from him. Black eyes fluttered closed for a moment; drinking in Kisame's scent and revelling in the warmth of the lips pressed against his. Just as he felt a tongue trail sensually across his lips, he pulled back with a gasp; remembering himself.

"I…I um…." He stammered; for once at a loss as to what to say to save the situation, "Goodnight…" Without another word, he stalked off haughtily towards the stairs; just  _knowing_  that he was blushing furiously. Why did he have to be such a good kisser? Why did he have to be so handsome? What was it about Kisame that made him want to just be ravished by him? He blushed even deeper at the mere  _thought_ of such ravishing...but that didn't stop him from still being rather curious...

Kisame just sighed heavily to himself, running a hand through his hair and heading to the kitchen to make some tea; finding this flustered Itachi just a little cute. Well…at least that was out in the open now. In all honesty, he hadn't thought he'd stood a chance until he'd found out about Itachi's ex- _boyfriend_  and the age gap. He hadn't wanted to make a move and seemed like some kind of creeper…but if Itachi was into older men…and after all…He touched his lips and chuckled to himself.

"…Itachi totally kissed back!" Sakura squealed in delight as soon as both of them were out of earshot.

"Definitely," Neji agreed.

"Oh my god, Itachi, could you be any lamer?" Sasuke snorted condescendingly; facepalming.

"He  _has_  to like dad," Suigetsu smirked.

" _Kids! Go to your rooms!_ " Kisame's voice called from the kitchen and they all cringed; now aware that Kisame knew that they were at the very least speculating about what had conspired. As they giggled and split off to their respective rooms; Sasuke was suddenly forced to remember the fact that he and Naruto had  _kissed_.

It had been slight; but it had been a kiss, nonetheless. And while the blonde had been wriggling underneath him! It hadn't been unpleasant. Well; there hadn't really been enough  _of_  a kiss for him to know if it was pleasant or unpleasant.

 _Damn_. Now he was curious. Curious was bad. Curious meant that he was intrigued to know whether he'd actually like kissing  _Naruto_. Naruto. Now that he thought about it, though, the blonde was attractive enough; tanned and athletic. His personality was a bit… _too much_  sometimes…but he had to admit that he'd grown… _accustomed_  to it. He ran a hand through his hair in annoyance and glared at nothing in particular. He had to get rid of any kind of  _those_  thoughts.

Especially since while he had been on top of Naruto; he'd found himself imagining the same erotic expression on his face that the blonde had been wearing the night he'd teleported into his room.

"Tch…and you judge  _Itachi_  for being in denial," Shikamaru smirked as he passed by him; Sasuke's scowl immediately deepening, "Don't worry; my lips are sealed."

"Stay the fuck out of my head, Shikamaru!"

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teehee, Itachi, Itachi; why do you run away from the man you want! And Sasuke...stop being dumb. Don't worry...they'll see the light soon! I do so love know-it-all Shikamaru and motherly Itachi....
> 
> Hope you liked!   
> xx K


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: contains lemon

* * *

"Yo; Deidara; happy birthday," Hidan drawled; handing a card in an envelope to the bright birthday boy as he sat gleefully on the couch surrounded by presents. He was especially delighted because Itachi had pulled some strings and given him his first present of the day;  _his father_. Hearing that Deidara wanted Kisame to be there for his twenty-first birthday had damn near broken the stoic Uchiha's heart, and he'd just  _had_  to get the man some time off work.

It was lunch time and Deidara was  _finally_  allowed to open his presents after a birthday lunch that Itachi had planned under Sasuke's advice –not that Sasuke would admit doing something  _nice_  like that. He'd finished the ones from his siblings and the envelope he was holding was the final one. Deidara frowned, opening the envelope rather suspiciously.

"…What's this, yeah? A bank statement?" he finally inquired after staring at the piece of paper in bewilderment. Hidan chuckled to himself; leaning on the back of the couch from behind him.

"It's a fucking college fund," he corrected with a smirk.

"A college fund?"

" –For you," the platinum-haired man explained.

"For…" Deidara blinked several times before his eyes widened in astonishment, "What the  _fuck_ , Hidan?"

"From me," Hidan added simply, "Happy birthday, Dei. I hope you have a fucking good time at college."

"You can't give this to me," Deidara snapped irritably, "This is a joke, right? You don't just  _give_  someone this much money, yeah!"

"I can," Hidan snorted, "I fucking wanted to, and I fucking know how much you fucking wanted to go to college; so happy goddamn twenty-first birthday." Deidara's mouth fell open in shock. "Oh…and by the way…"

Suddenly, Hidan leaned in to Deidara's bewildered face and pressed a harsh; open-mouthed kiss against his lips; gripping the back of the blonde's neck tightly. His tongue slid into Deidara's mouth for a moment before Hidan retreated once more.

"Hidan! What the hell?" Deidara shrieked; reeling backwards and toppling off the couch on top of Suigetsu. Hidan just smirked to himself; wiping his lips smugly as he straightened up.

"…There's a fucking reason I don't call Kisame 'dad'," he chuckled; tucking his hands into his pockets and sauntering casually over to the door, "I'm off to work. See you guys tonight!" The door slammed shut behind him.

"Hidan, you can't just fucking drop bombshells like that and fucking leave!" Deidara shouted angrily; with no response except for the sniggers of his siblings, "What the fuck guys; can you believe what he just did? That asshole just kissed me, yeah!"

"Uh, that's coz he likes you," Ino giggled.

"What? And how the fuck would you know?"

"…Mind reader. Duh," she rolled her eyes. Deidara's mouth dropped open once more when he saw that everyone was looking just a little guilty.

"You knew?" he snapped, "You all fucking knew; and none of you told me?"

"I thought he didn't call me 'dad' because there was a small age gap," Kisame admitted with a shrug; looking over at Itachi to find that the raven was pointedly not looking at him, "…Turns out he just didn't want you to see him as a brother…."

" _You guys are fucking assholes_!"

* * *

Sasuke was feeling a little uncomfortable with how little convincing it took for the supernaturals to drag him out for Deidara's birthday celebration. They'd spent the afternoon watching movies and eating junk food and making not-so-subtle references to how Itachi currently seemed to be avoiding their father; and now here they were…at a  _strip club_.

"Okay; someone please remind me  _why_  Neji is up on stage dressed in drag, doing burlesque to _Lady Marmalade_?" Sasuke asked weakly as he took a scull of whatever cocktail they were all being served. Everyone burst out laughing as they looked up to the stage to see Neji there in the centre; dressed in full corset outfit; high heels and garter; hair and makeup completing the look.

"I think the  _real_  question you should be asking is, 'why is he so  _good_?'" Sakura snorted as there was a loud whistle from one of their school mates from one of the other tables. Sasuke couldn't help but laugh as he watched Neji; the other boy was  _way_  too good at the dance routine; although his eyes said 'kill me now'.

"Gaara's got a bit of a thing for Neji," Naruto chuckled; elbowing Sasuke and nodding over to where a redhead with a kanji tattoo on his forehead was rather obviously checking out the dancing brunette.

"God, I would kill to have legs as good as Neji's," Ino remarked; completely jealous, "Oh and by the way; he's dancing because he was dared. We always make him do a dare like this so the strippers give him dance lessons."

" –It's his fault for looking so girly," Kiba chortled.

"Dares?" Sasuke frowned.

"Oh yeah; it's kind of a birthday tradition," Suigetsu informed him, "I already did one; had to sneak into houses and steal women's underwear."

" –And later tonight, Ino has to sneak into someone's mind and give them real perverted dreams," Sakura chuckled, "There have been some  _hilarious_  ones; Ino's got a healthy imagination!"

"Well that's coz Shikamaru gives me ideas from what you lot have all been dreaming about," Ino sniffed crossly and Naruto found himself blushing rather fiercely as he accepted another drink. He was starting to feel a bit intoxicated, and was glad he'd gotten a dare over before they arrived at the club. He'd had to sneak into the circuits running at the movies and flash the entire cinema.

Finally, the song finished, and a rather grim-looking Neji stalked off the stage to remove all traces of this event from his memory. Hidan suddenly leapt up on stage in a suit and tie. " –Hey you fuckers!" he crowed, "I'm Hidan; your MC! Tonight the drinks are being paid for by Sasuke Uchiha; big ups to you man! Oh…and it's a good night to be gay; guys! Happy fucking birthday Dei –" He immediately tossed aside the microphone and leapt onto the stage as four other men appeared from behind the curtain clad in the same apparel.

"Oh hell no," Deidara growled flatly; recognising the song that had just started up.

 _It's raining men_!

Hidan tore off first his shirt, and then his pants; leaving him clad in only black hot-pants; joining in with the routine that the other male strippers were busy dancing along to. Deidara's cheeks instantly turned bright red as Hidan winked over at him; pelvic thrusting the air dramatically. Sakura chuckled to herself; suddenly getting up and flinging her brother over her shoulder with ease. Calmly, she stalked up to the stage and flung him onto it.

The blonde was caught by three of the hunky men; Hidan grabbing his lithe hips from behind and running his hands harshly down them and dipping towards his inner thighs. Deidara looked both mortified and aroused by this turn of events as Hidan brushed his lips down his tanned neck.

"You guys are awful," Sasuke remarked flatly to Sakura as she returned to her seat rather smugly.

"…You just wait," she smirked slyly, and the raven suddenly noticed that Naruto was missing.

"Oi; Shikamaru; it's your turn," Kiba sniggered. Shikamaru sighed heavily; sculling his drink to finish and then focusing on someone across the room. Sasuke followed the lazy teen's gaze to find that it was settled on a pretty blonde; a girl from school named Temari who he'd noticed appeared to have some kind of attraction to Shikamaru.

He also saw the shadow sneaking across the room and under the table. A few moments later, he watched her fidget; her face starting to flush in embarrassment. Her breathing appeared to be a little choked, and she was clenching her legs tightly together. Temari's eyes closed a little; her mouth falling open slightly and her hands gripping the edge of the table.

"…What's he doing to her?" Sasuke frowned.

"...You sure you want to know?" Suigetsu sniggered with a short laugh. Sasuke immediately averted his eyes as a flustered Temari apparently excused herself to the bathroom. "We don't play nice with dares!"

"…Excuse me…" Shikamaru remarked with a self-conscious cough as he began heading in the direction of the bathroom.

"Go get her, Shika," Sakura encouraged slyly. He flicked his middle finger at her lazily.

An hour or so passed. Naruto didn't come back and Sasuke was frowning to himself about it. Hidan was now sitting in one of the booths nearby with Deidara perched in his lap and they were making out like there was no tomorrow. Hidan was still in his hot-pants and the blonde was apparently not minding in the slightest; grinding up against him without a care that he was in public.

"…Well that was a complete turnaround," Sasuke muttered as he averted his eyes.

"Oh, we all knew Deidara's temper was due to sexual frustration," Neji remarked flatly, "Not that we'd say that of course."

" –Oi, Neji; there's a cute redhead that's been eyeing you up," Sakura chuckled, jerking her thumb over to where Gaara was apparently still rather interested.

"Well then he can come over here and buy me a drink," Neji snapped, "I refuse to be as indecent as Deidara!"

"Well see if you're still saying that after a few more shots," Suigetsu chuckled and the brunette glared at him crossly.

_This was never the way I planned_

_Not my intention…_

"Hey Sasuke," Shikamaru remarked; suddenly arriving back from the bathroom and tucking his shirt in as he did so, "…You might want to watch this one." Sasuke; feeling a huge amount of apprehension, looked up towards the stage.

Oh god, that was Naruto.

Apparently Naruto had been dares to strip to Katy Perry's 'I Kissed a Girl'. And apparently, he was quite the talented stripper.

"Naruto loses a lot of bets," Kiba offered as explanation when Sasuke glanced over at him; eyes wide in bewilderment. The raven turned his gaze back to the stage where Naruto had just dragged off his stripper pants;  _yes_ those were hot pants, and  _why the hell did they have the Uchiha family crest on them_?

The supernaturals all roared with laughter as Naruto playfully slapped his ass and winked over his shoulder at Sasuke, who was practically seeing red.

" –Naruto  _may_  have been dared to give you a lap dance," Shikamaru smirked, pushing Sasuke back into his seat, "Your dare is to sit through it."

"…You said you wouldn't say anything!" Sasuke snapped irritably.

"I didn't say anything," the lazy evil genius chuckled smugly, "Everyone else agreed with the dare. And Naruto takes these dares very seriously." Naruto had suddenly descended from the stairs and was making his was over to where Sasuke was sitting. Everyone within a metre radius quickly moved their chairs away; giggling gleefully.

Sasuke felt tanned fingers trail across his chest as Naruto circled predatorily; slyly undoing the first three buttons of his shirt. And then suddenly, there was a weight in his lap and hands draped over his shoulders as the blonde lightly began to grind down on his crotch. A hand trailed down his chest, catching one of his pale hands and guiding it to rest in the small of Naruto's back.

"Shikamaru is so dead," Sasuke muttered; his words slurring slightly as Naruto swivelled so that his back was against the raven's chest. This also meant that Sasuke's hand was now trailing down that tanned, bare chest; ghosting over a hard nipple and down towards a toned abdomen. Naruto leaned back so that their faces were nearly touching and turned the raven's chin so that they were facing each other. Still, he continued to grind.

Naruto could feel his heart racing as Sasuke's hand slid down his side. He could feel the raven's clothed cock against his ass and it was just bringing back dream after dream that he'd had of Sasuke. Now, here he was; grinding in his lap; so close that he only had to…

Sasuke felt his own skin growing hot and his eyes beginning to glaze over in lust as he felt Naruto move against him; his legs spread wide to either side of the raven's knees. And now; they were gazing at each other –blue against black –Naruto's breath beginning to hitch with each subtle brush of his ass against Sasuke's pelvis.

_It felt so wrong; it felt so right. Don't mean I'm in love tonight…_

Their lips met in a searing kiss; tongues diving into each other's mouths viciously. Sasuke's hands gripped Naruto tightly; one hand sliding up to tweak one of his pert nipples, and the other sliding south to his upper inner thigh. Naruto moaned; deepening the kiss and feeling Sasuke gaining dominance over him. One of his hands reached up to grip raven locks tightly as the movement of their hungry lips became needier and more passionate. He couldn't help but continue to grind his ass back against Sasuke's lap; harder this time; more wantonly.

He could feel the tips of Sasuke's fingers beginning to ghost teasingly against the fabric of his hot pants. He was surprised at how  _not bothered_  he was about being in a  _public_  area; surrounded by people they knew. Then again; he and Sasuke had both had a  _considerable_  amount to drink…He pulled back with a low moan as Sasuke latched onto his neck and sucked at his racing pulse; kissing hard enough to bruise.

All of sudden, the pair was completely doused in freezing water. Naruto leapt up; shivering dramatically as Sasuke spat out a mouthful of water. Suigetsu reformed from the puddle with a howl of laughter at how drenched the pair of them was.

"…Thought maybe the two of you needed a bit of cooling off!" he cackled, shoving another drink in each of their hands amid the sound of the music changing to the next song. "Fucking hell; we were about two minutes away from gay porn right there…"

"I…I might go get changed…" Naruto remarked; staggering slightly as he realised that he was actually relatively intoxicated. Sasuke just looked over at Naruto's siblings, who all looked thoroughly amused; though Sakura did look a little sorry that he was now currently soaking wet.

"I'm sure Neji has some spare clothes you can borrow," she assured him as he squelched over; thoroughly unimpressed.

" –Oh hell no; I am  _not_  wearing drag!" Sasuke snapped; the cold water having made him snap back to reality to realise that he had, like Suigetsu said; been only minutes away from doing unspeakable things to  _Naruto_ , in a public place. And he didn't even think he'd regret it (well, maybe the  _public_  part). It was fairly safe to say that he really quite enjoyed kissing Naruto. And if the way the blonde had been needily grinding his ass into his lap was any indication; Naruto had quite enjoyed kissing him back.

* * *

Itachi sighed in exhaustion as he put away the last plate in the kitchen. Those kids had made an absolute mess! And no doubt they were going to come trudging home as drunk as all hell in the early hours of the morning.

"Finally done are you?" Kisame inquired curiously as he entered the kitchen in just his pyjama pants; probably heading to make himself some tea. Itachi averted his eyes guiltily and headed over to the overhead cupboard where the mugs were kept.

"They sure made a mess," he commented casually, "I just finished vacuuming; did you want some tea?"

"No, I can get it," Kisame assured him; coming up behind him and reaching up past him to easily reach a mug. Itachi felt rock-solid muscle against his back and felt callused hands graze against his own. He swallowed nervously and spun around; coming face-to-face with Kisame, who was peering down at him quizzically. With a very un-Uchiha-like 'eep' he slid away and headed over to the sink; pretending to continue to clean while the other man put the jug on.

"Something bothering you, Itachi?' Kisame asked innocently. He knew for a  _fact_  that Itachi had been desperately trying to avoid him since he'd kissed him, and it was puzzling him to no end. He seemed to just get a little flustered whenever he was close; and right now he was definitely blushing.

"Not –not at all; why would anything be bothering me?" Itachi replied stiffly. Chuckling to himself and deciding it was worth a shot, Kisame headed over to the sink and hovered behind the Uchiha; placing his hands firmly over top of Itachi's pale ones. Itachi could've protested, but black eyes just turned to glare at him sharply and he smirked; slowly letting his fingers slot between Itachi's and lowering his head to kiss the crook of a pale neck.

A short puff of hot air escaped the raven's lips as he felt a warm mouth descend to his sensitive skin. Kisses trailed up his throat and he found himself pressing into them. Heat began to pool in his gut as Kisame initiated a slow; deep kiss that had him feeling weak at the knees.

Itachi moaned slightly; his lips parting eagerly to allow a tongue to delve in. The hot muscle mapped out his mouth and he was roughly spun and pressed up against the bench; one of Kisame's huge hands supporting his back, and the other sliding steadily lower. Itachi unwittingly allowed one of Kisame's knees to slip between his thighs and he ground down slightly; desperately denying that it felt good. His hands trailed up Kisame's warm, bare chest, and were about to loop lustfully around his neck –but then Itachi remembered himself and pulled back.

"…What is it?" Kisame inquired softly; kissing his neck again and his pointed teeth nipping playfully at his sensitive skin.

"I –Kisame…we can't do this," Itachi breathed.

"Why not?" the other man inquired, giving on of his ass cheeks a firm grope, "If you dare say because it's mixing work and pleasure; I  _will_  be forced to remind you about your ex-boyfriend." When Itachi apparently couldn't come up with a reason, he sighed, and pulled back; running a hand through his hair and rolling his eyes.

"…I like you, Itachi," he commented casually, "I'm also very attracted to you; and I  _know_  you're attracted to me." He paused and turned with a small smirk, "…So if you want to continue this…I'll be in my room."

Itachi was left alone in the kitchen; leaning against the bench and trying desperately to get his breathing to return to normal. He could still feel Kisame's lips and hands on him and he wanted  _more_. He had stopped because well…they were leaving soon, and there was business…and who was he kidding? He wanted Kisame naked and moaning his name; and had he not stopped, he probably would've ended up begging to be fucked on the kitchen bench. He groaned; rubbing his forehead and shivering at the feeling of Kisame's muscles underneath his hands.

"…Hmm…Kisame forgot his tea."

Taking up the tea led to Kisame offering him a cup; which Itachi found himself accepting and then never getting to drink.

Instead, he ended up in Kisame's lap; straddling the bigger man while simultaneously receiving a tongue down his throat. He felt his hair being torn from its ponytail and thick hands running through it as his lips were ravaged hungrily. His shirt was dragged from him and thrown to the floor; Kisame wasting no time in sliding a hand down the raven's bare back and delving below his waistband.

He was a mess of quivering moans by the time Kisame was stretching his entrance with three slicked fingers. On his hands and knees, he needily pushed back against the digits penetrating him and let out a low moan when they slammed into his prostate.

"H-How did...how did you know I wanted this?" Itachi whispered in a voice quivering with anticipation.

"Psychic children, Itachi," Kisame whispered in his ear; kissing his neck hungrily and sliding his huge erection up the seam of Itachi's ass; grazing his entrance teasingly. The raven let out a whimper when he felt the hot flesh trailing against his sensitive entrance. Chuckling to himself; Kisame repeated the action; only to receive a filthy (though lust-filled) look from Itachi.

"S-Stop your teasing and get on with it," he hissed; his hair running freely across his face, which was tinged pink. Already, hickeys were beginning to become visible on the raven's throat. Kisame smirked and leaned down to kiss him again as he slowly began to push his thick cock against Itachi's loosened entrance. Itachi moaned as he was entered; having missed the feeling of something so hot inside him. Without warning, Kisame gave a sharp thrust and entered him completely; slamming in deep and sending a wave of pleasure through the raven's body. Itachi gave a loud moan and gripped the sheets tightly; grinding back against the body behind him as an indication for more.

"…You like it deep, do you?" Kisame whispered predatorily as he pulled back to the tip and then slammed in once more before striking up a pattern of fast, deep thrusts that had Itachi throwing back his head and crying Kisame's name. Huge hands dug into pale hips as the bigger man pounded hard into the lithe body beneath him; feeling every clench of Itachi's inner walls and grunting in pleasure with how good it felt to be inside him. All Itachi could do was grip the bedsheets tightly and spread his legs wider to allow Kisame more room to slam deeper inside him. He was being gripped so tightly and  _fucked_  so forcefully he felt like he was being torn apart. But he was being filled with far too much pleasure to care.

As Itachi found himself racing towards orgasm, Kisame suddenly pulled out and bodily grabbed him. He was about to protest, when he was roughly dragged back into the bigger man's lap and roughly impaled him back onto his cock.

"Kisame!" Itachi moaned; throwing back his head and beginning to roughly ride the bigger man; feeling him moving deep inside him and sending him into fits of pleasure. He could feel his entrance stretching; muscles loosening to allow Kisame access; and revelled in the way that the elder man filled him. The raven clawed at his back; raking down his muscles and kissing him passionately as he slammed himself down on the cock beneath him; until he finally reached orgasm; cumming in white ribbons across their chests. Kisame, unable to hold back any longer with Itachi clenching tightly around him, gave several sharp thrusts up before reaching his own release deep inside the raven. He bit down on his shoulder and Itachi moaned his name; feeling the sharp bite and the sensation of something warm coating his insides.

Kisame relaxed back against the headboard; his body coated with sex-sweat. Itachi collapsed against his chest in exhaustion; feeling a hand run tenderly through his messy hair and the other resting gently at his lower back. Itachi kissed Kisame's chest.

"…We should've used a condom," Kisame remarked apologetically; but this was the least of Itachi's worries. He was scowling. "Oh can you stay lightened up for like five more minutes? I quite liked the Itachi that was screaming my name."

"I was not  _screaming_ ," Itachi sniffed defensively; his limbs feeling weak with euphoria.

"If you say so," Kisame shrugged with a smirk, "…You want another round?"

"…Your kids are going to know anyway, aren't they?" Itachi muttered moodily at the elder man's chest.

"What? That we had sex?" Kisame raised an eyebrow, "Yeah." Itachi just sighed and then chuckled to himself; perching a little higher on the elder man's lap and melding their mouths together.

"…In that case…"

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for KisaIta!
> 
> And where do they go from here?
> 
> And how are Sasuke and Naruto going to feel when they wake up in the morning?
> 
> Stay tuned to find out!
> 
> Also, I couldn't resist throwing in a little splash of HidaDei; I f***ing love them.


	13. Chapter 13

Somewhere upstairs a door slammed shut and Sasuke flinched at the distant noise; clutching his pounding head in agony as he stumbled into the kitchen in a desperate search for icy water. With great relief he began sculling down a large glass before slumping down onto one of the nearby stools.

 _God. What had_ happened _last night?_  Everything was so damn… _not there_. Rubbing his eyes, he could remember Hidan and Deidara making out in the corner, and he remembered getting home and toppling straight into bed. He didn't even know what time they'd gotten home, and wasn't entirely sure that everyone was back.

There were footsteps from outside the kitchen, and Sasuke turned with an unamused look; he wasn't in the mood for socialising. And then the door opened and he just stared.

"Oh…I didn't think anyone was up," Itachi commented sheepishly as he stiffly stalked over to the fridge. Sasuke snorted into his glass and his brother gave him an angry ' _don't say anything_ ' look. However, this was just far too good for Sasuke to pass up.

"…Nice shirt, Itachi," he commented with a laugh, and then flinching when Itachi purposely slammed a cupboard shut to cause his devilish little brother discomfort. Sasuke wasn't even a little bit sorry. His brother was standing there in the kitchen wearing apparently just a rather large, loose blue shirt that Sasuke had recognised as Kisame's. Itachi's hair was out of its ponytail and was looking a little ragged, and there were purple hickeys on his throat.

"…Looks like you had a good night," Sasuke remarked slyly; eyeing the way that his brother was limping rather prominently. The shirt slipped down one of his shoulders a little and Sasuke laughed again when he saw the finger-shaped bruises and scratches from where had had been gripped particularly hard.

"Shut up," Itachi snapped irritably, taking a long drink of water while he put some toast in the toaster and put the kettle on. "You look like shit."

"Speak for yourself," Sasuke smirked; knowing that he was looking pasty and had bags under his eyes –he looked terrible, and knew it. "Taking Kisame breakfast in bed, are we?" Again, one of the cupboards was slammed shut and he flinched; knowing that that was exactly what Itachi was doing.

"So how was  _your_  night?" Itachi finally asked; tiring of Sasuke's sniggers.

"…I wish I knew," Sasuke muttered; rather grateful when his brother placed a coffee down in front of him. "So no one else is up?" Itachi just shook his head and the younger Uchiha sighed; deciding to go to have a morning shower.

When Itachi arrived back at Kisame's room with coffee, he noticed that the elder man pretty much hadn't stirred since he'd woken up.

"…Itachi…Come back to bed," Kisame muttered, pulling back the covers and stretching a little; his eyes not even flickering open. "Is that coffee?"

"Sasuke saw me," Itachi grumbled; putting the coffee down on the bedside table and crawling back into bed. Kisame opened one eye slyly.

"…I like that on you," he commented with a smirk; dragging the Uchiha in close to snuggle up against his chest, "…But I think I like it better  _off_  you…"

"Seriously?" Itachi sniffed as he felt the buttons of the shirt being slowly undone and one of Kisame's hands sliding suggestively down his back, "I liked it better when you were asleep."

"…That's not what you were saying last night," Kisame chuckled; kissing him firmly on the lips and leaning back comfortably as Itachi easily curled up against him; a slender hand pressed against his bare chest. He felt a rough hand stroke through his long hair and closed his eyes again. He was exhausted and his ass hurt; and walking was a nightmare; but he was very content.

"You're very cute when you sleep, you know," Kisame commented playfully.

"Call me cute one more time," Itachi growled; his eyes not even flickering open, "See what happens then." There was a long, sleepy pause. "By the way…my mother called last night; she and father are coming to visit next weekend; if that's all right."

"Of course," the other man replied quietly.

" –You do know that Sasuke and I will probably have to leave soon?"

"…I know."

* * *

 

"Does anyone want to tell me why Naruto's avoiding me?" Sasuke inquired flatly to a lounge full of very hungover teenagers who couldn't bear hearing Deidara's explosions for another minute. Apparently the blonde had woken up in Hidan's bed and flipped out. Everyone had shouted down his claims of rape by reminding him that he was nowhere near as drunk as the rest of them and that he had been completely willing. They also reminded him that he'd not-so-secretly wanted Hidan's dick for years; and to shut up and go have sex again.

That of course, had set off a completely fresh wave of explosions.

Hence why there were several of them lying on the couches with ice packs on their heads and buckets at their sides.

"Whatever do you mean?" Ino inquired innocently. Too innocently.

" –I mean that every time I've seen him today he's teleported away," Sasuke snapped irritably; folding his arms as they all chuckled to himself.

"…Well…" Shikamaru commented with an awkward cough, "That  _may_  have something to do with the fact that you guys were publically sucking face last night." Sasuke blinked at him stupidly; sure that he'd heard wrong.

"What?"

"You heard him," Kiba sniggered, "We dared Naruto to give you a lap dance and well…things  _may_  have escalated slightly."

" –And by 'slightly', we mean a lot," Sakura corrected flatly, "Seriously, you were one hand-slip away from jerking him off in front of everyone –"

" –Not that he was complaining," Kiba added with a smirk.

"This is some kind of joke, right?" Sasuke snapped, "It's not funny."

" –If it's a joke…then why does Naruto have a hickey?" Ino inquired cheekily. He stared at them and they were all smirking. Horror began to spread through his limbs as memories began to slowly resurface. His mouth fell open in astonishment.

"What's the big deal? We all knew you were gay," Sakura reminded him; rolling her eyes.

" –And don't deny that you liked making out with him," Kiba sniffed, "Your cock was like one piece of fabric away from being in his ass –"

"Ew;  _Kiba_!" Ino snorted, curling her face up at his crudeness.

"What?" he shrugged, "It's what dad was doing to Itachi last night and you know it!"

"I didn't want to know that about mom and dad!" Ino wailed; clamping her hands over her ears and clenching her eyes shut tightly. Her present brothers laughed at her. "I mean 'Itachi'!" They all laughed when they recalled the expression on their father's face when he had finally emerged from his room to find his hung-over children perched on the landings rather smugly. He had looked a little guilty and then chuckled when Shikamaru had remarked, "…Hey dad; have any idea where Itachi is?"

" –Don't you sass me, boy; I know very well that Neji's informed you all exactly where Itachi is," he had sniffed before chuckling and accepting a high-five from Suigetsu before heading off to have a shower.

"God, this is not happening," Sasuke muttered mutinously to himself; clutching at his head and trying to convince himself that he hadn't behaved so shamefully in public. As the others all started laughing at his expense, he stormed off up the stairs; only to be bowled over by a muddy Akamaru who was apparently escaping with Hidan's hand yet again.

" _Fight fair, blondie_!" Hidan's shriek could be heard from upstairs; followed by a loud explosion, "Oh that's it; I'm going to fuck you so hard there's gonna be fireworks shooting out your cock!"

" –Don't you fucking dare!" Deidara shouted back, and there was a bang and a suddenly a whole lot of smoke coming from the third floor. A blackened body went flying off the third floor landing and landed in a crumpled pile. There was a cough a few seconds later that assured Sasuke that Hidan was indeed, still alive.

" –Are you still trying to rape Deidara?" Sasuke commented flatly as he spied Deidara glaring down from the landing.

"This is fucking foreplay, Sasuke; keep your fucking nose out of it," Deidara hollered angrily, "If he wants it; he's gotta fucking earn it, yeah!" Sasuke raised an incredulous eyebrow as Hidan stalked past him.

"Angry sex is the fucking best," Hidan chuckled gleefully, "Right, Dei?"

"Shut the fuck up, yeah!"

Sasuke scowled to himself; things were definitely coming back to him now. And he'd be lying to himself if he said that he hadn't liked what he was doing with Naruto. Sure; the guy was an idiot and had almost too much personality…but he supposed there was something fascinating about him. But why was he ignoring him? Usually Naruto was the kind of person to shrug off something like that.

Fine; if he wanted to play like that, then Sasuke was going to act the same.

The next few days were a great source of aggravation for the teenagers of Samehada Manor.

" –Sakura, can you check these answers for me while I do my biology assignment?" Naruto inquired; sliding a piece of paper across the kitchen table to his sister while he mused over the questions lain out before him in homework form.

" –Ask Shikamaru to do it; I'm trying to get some chemistry revision done," Sakura frowned; passing it down the table to their brother; who sighed heavily and straightened up to glance at it. Ino was cheerfully over by the bench baking some afternoon tea while they got into the midst of study. Suigetsu made an angry noise and hurled his calculator across the room; only for Shikamaru to catch and levitate it in mid-air to prevent it from breaking. Neji looked up from his work in irritation.

"I can't do this!" he howled in frustration, and he looked over, seeing that the door had opened, "Oh, hey Sasuke; can you help me with my calculus?"

"Later," Sasuke replied coolly; heading straight for the fridge. Everyone else present noticed that Naruto's shoulders tensed with the raven's very  _presence_  in the room and they all rolled their eyes as Sasuke pointedly didn't acknowledge the blonde. The atmosphere remained tense until the Uchiha had departed.

" –Screw this, I'm getting Itachi to help me," Naruto snapped irritably; vanishing in a flash of light as he aggressively scooped up his work. As soon as he was gone, his siblings groaned.

"Okay; enough is enough," Sakura sniffed, "This unresolved sexual tension thing they've got going is driving me crazy. I can't deal with it!"

"Are they still ignoring each other?" Shikamaru sighed.

"Obviously," Suigetsu droned, "It just seems like they're trying to see who can ignore the other the most. It's pathetic. Why doesn't Sasuke just fuck him already? It's obvious he wanted to at Dei's birthday."

"Naruto's been ignoring Sasuke," Ino pointed out with a frown, "Like Sasuke's going to go chasing after him! You really think that ego of his is going to let him?" Kiba's head suddenly snuck in through the door and he sniffed the air mischievously.

"…I thought I smelled scheming," he smirked gleefully, "Please tell me this is about Naruto and Sasuke because I can't stand a fucking minute longer with them pretending to not want each other!"

"Yeah; and I'm getting real sick of walking through Naruto's dreams…" Shikamaru commented flatly. "Anyone got any ideas?" Neji suddenly smirked to himself; folding his fingers together evilly.

"Actually…" He commented slyly.

* * *

 

"Naruto! I need the shower  _right now_!" Sakura yelled loudly that Thursday; rapping sharply on the bathroom door and practically splintering it, "I'm covered in soot and I have to leave for work in twenty minutes!"

" –Use the other shower!" Naruto hollered back, "I'm using this one!"

"My stuff's in there!" Sakura shouted, banging on the door again, "Come one! The other shower's free; just teleport to it! This shit's all through my hair!" There was an aggrieved noise from inside the shower.

"Fine! But just so you know; I totally just got soap in my eye!" Naruto snapped back.

"Love you!" Sakura chirped; kicking the door open in time to see him vanishing in a flash of light.

Naruto knew instantly that the other shower was  _not_  free; mostly because as soon as he rematerialized, he was standing face-to-face with a fuming, completely naked Sasuke Uchiha.

"I –" was all Naruto had time to say before all of a sudden, Suigetsu reformed from the water pooling at the feet.

"Not so fast, you two," he chuckled; giving Sasuke's leg a tug and sending him flying to his ass on the shower floor at the same time that he gave Naruto a good shove. The result was that Sasuke ended up lying on the floor with Naruto perched in his lap; arms pressed to either side of the raven's head.

"Now fucking sort it out!" Suigetsu smirked; reaching to one of the walls and promptly dragging Neji through as a puddle of water. The brunette coughed; unused to being altered by Suigetsu's ability, and promptly grabbed Naruto's ankle.

"Maybe get it out of your systems," Neji smirked; before the two of them vanished again; leaving the two of them alone in the shower. Naruto looked panicked.

"What's the problem?" Sasuke snapped irritably, "Get off me!"

" –Neji put my fucking leg to sleep!" Naruto growled back crossly, "I can't move it…" He paused awkwardly, "…And I can't teleport…" He shifted a little in Sasuke's lap and bit his lip when his ass came in light contact with the raven's cock. " –Look; it's a kind of paralysis and I can't get my body to dematerialise when –"

"Shut up," Sasuke snapped irritably.

" _Explain why you're not talking to each other_!" Kiba crowed from apparently out in the hallway.

"Go AWAY!" Naruto complained; not wanting to look Sasuke in the eyes when they were positioned like this, "I'm not 'not talking' to Sasuke!"

"Bullshit," Sasuke snorted, "You've been avoiding me since Sunday."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Naruto sniffed defensively, and snuck a peek at his expression. He wasn't buying it.

"Remember how we  _made out_?" Sasuke scoffed, rolling his eyes and his eyes glinting rather slyly as he examined the situation. He wasn't going to deny that this was a fine opportunity. Naruto's insistence on ignoring him had only acted to further his fascination with him...and it was safe to say that he actually missed the blonde a little; missed his presence and his bright attitude. No to mention his weight was feeling particularly good in his lap...And he definitely wasn't unattractive.

"Oh…you heard about that…" Naruto scowled; trying to divert his attention from Sasuke's toned chest. He was worried if he stared for too long he was going to end up aroused, "…Well…it's not like it was my fault!"

"Who said it was anyone's fault?"

" –Your tone implied it! It's not like I  _wanted_  that to happen!"

"…You seemed pretty damn into it."

"I was not!"

"Idiot. You're blushing. One might think that you  _like_  me," Sasuke smirked; liking the guilty little blush that was currently dusting Naruto's face at the accusation. Maybe he'd hit the nail on the head.

"Like I would ever like a bastard like you!" Naruto scoffed hotly, "It was just the atmosphere…and the…" He trailed off slowly; unable to deny anything. It hadn't just been the atmosphere or the alcohol. He'd  _wanted_  to do that lap dance; wanted Sasuke to see him in a sexual light. And damn had he wanted to kiss him so badly.

Before Sasuke could say anything further, Naruto grabbed his face with both hands and dragged him forwards to kiss him. He was shocked when Sasuke's tongue was instantly dragging across his tongue and pale arms encircled him and dragged him in.

"You're an  _idiot_ ," Sasuke breathed before diving back in for another heated kiss. The attraction that the pair of them had been attempting to ignore for so long had suddenly been fully ignited and now neither of them could deny it. Naruto had been aware of liking Sasuke for quite some time now; and Sasuke…well, he'd come to terms with it after discovering how hard he got upon remembering Saturday night.

Pale hands rose up to roughly pinch Naruto's nipples; eliciting breathy gasps from the blonde and causing him to begin grinding down against Sasuke's hardening cock. The real thing felt so much better than in his dreams. . .

"…More…I need…More…" Naruto gasped soon after, as three of Sasuke's fingers slammed into his prostate; the blonde riding the digits penetrating him and craving release. Sasuke's other hand around his erection kept up its agonisingly pleasurable stroking as he leaned in for a deep kiss. Things had escalated; but he didn't care. He wanted Sasuke, and he wanted him now.

This was the face Sasuke remembered seeing that one time; the flushed; panting expression clouded by lust. Blue eyes were at half-mast and his jaw was hanging slack as he desperately tried to reach release. But Sasuke had other plans. With a sadistic smirk, he yanked his fingers out from inside the blonde; only to hear an annoyed  _whimper_  escape from Naruto.

That whimper was quickly replaced by a soft hiss as Naruto felt something firm press against his entrance. He spread his legs invitingly and slowly began to sink down onto Sasuke's hard cock. He moaned as he felt it beginning to fill him and he ground down in arousal; looping his arms around the raven's pale neck as he was kissed dripped down his face and he felt himself moaning against as he saw the black, sultry, lust-glazed eyes of the raven staring down at him predatorily. He gasped as his hips were gripped tightly and Sasuke thrust up sharply into him.

" _Sasuke!_ " he cried out loud; throwing his head back as a wave of pleasure ran through him. Apparently Sasuke liked hearing his name screamed because he repeated the action; which encouraged Naruto to begin riding him harshly; rolling his hips and slamming his hips down so that he was impaled deeply. Sasuke clutched at him tightly; every movement sending a new wave of pleasure through his body. With the roughness that Naruto was being impaled, it didn't take long for him to be a quivering mess of moans; and by this time, he'd regained use of his foot.

"…Do me from behind…" he whispered seductively in Sasuke's ear; slowly getting to his feet and leaning up against the shower wall with his ass presented invitingly; panting heavily. Sasuke actually felt himself lick his lips as he followed suit; trailing his hands down tanned sides and kissing hot trails against the back of his neck before thrusting back into him.

He held tightly to Naruto's hips; bringing them crushing back to meet him as he drove into the moaning teen before him.

"Harder…Harder…Sasuke…" Naruto moaned; wrapping a hand around his own cock; desperate now for release. Sasuke began to feel Naruto's tight heat beginning to clench and picked up his pace; slamming relentlessly into his tight entrance; his own orgasm rapidly approaching.

" –Hey guys; mind if I join?" Suigetsu suddenly cheekily commented; appearing behind Sasuke and groping one of his ass cheeks.

" _Get the fuck out_!" Naruto shouted; but his angry yell was cut off by a long moan of Sasuke's name as he suddenly reached his release. Sasuke; having ignored Suigetsu's intrusion as the teenager melted back through the wall; slammed Naruto up against the shower wall even harder and drove deep into his wildly clenching ass; Naruto unable to do anything but pant in aroused; euphoric gasps as he felt his inner walls being abused until they were raw.

Then suddenly, he felt warmth spreading through him and Sasuke collapsed against his back; thoroughly spent from his own orgasm. Naruto; still flushed; and his eyelids sinking lazily; looked over his shoulder and accepted the languid kiss that Sasuke pressed against his lips. He was about to slide weakly to the floor but strong, pale arms caught him and wrapped him in a deep kiss once more.

" – _NO I AM NOT PEEKING_!" Neji could be heard snapping angrily from the hallway outside.

"…Your family has no boundaries," Sasuke growled in irritation, "None at all."

"…You love us, really," Naruto chuckled; brushing the raven's hair back off his face.

That was when the door burst open and the curtain was thrown back by a cackling Kiba as the song,  _I just had sex_  suddenly blasted through the second floor.

"Okay, that's it!" Sasuke snarled; grabbing the nearest towel and leaping out of the shower; hurtling after Kiba and Suigetsu as they howled in laughter like maniacs. Naruto just sank to the floor; finally turning the water off and wincing as his throbbing ass made contact with the cold floor.

"…Good sex?" Sakura commented smugly.

"Fucking good," Naruto informed her weakly.

" _DAD! SASUKE'S TRYING TO KILL US!_ " Kiba shrieked from somewhere in the house amid curses and uncharacteristic yells of, 'Is a little bit of privacy too fucking much to ask?' and 'You need to mind your own fucking business!'

Kisame's response?

"…Well, you probably deserve it."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long! Hope you enjoyed that splash of SasuNaru; though they were a little rudely interrupted by Naruto's crazy family!


	14. Chapter 14

Sakura was busy cooking in the kitchen when there was suddenly a loud thud from unnervingly close to her face. She looked across and she let out a wild yell when she realised that two knives were suddenly embedded in the wall.

" _Shikamaru!_ " She shrieked in horror, "Quit it!"

"Blossom, you know what happens when he's sick," Kisame reminded her from where he was sitting at the kitchen table reading the morning newspaper. Suddenly his glass of water was raised in the air and crashed down on top of his head. He rubbed his skull in vague annoyance. "…We just have to wait for him to get better. It's just a cold."

"Just a cold by ass…" Suigetsu grumbled; his voice sounding awful and congested as he stalked into the room; his body looking like the equivalent of a runny nose.

"Ew, Suigetsu! Stay out of the kitchen! You're melting everywhere!" Sakura snapped in irritation; flinging him a towel to wipe up the water he was trailing everywhere. He gave her a dry look, though the expression was lost slightly since his face was slightly melting into a puddle of water.

"I can't helb it!" he growled in irritation; giving a dramatic sniff and his sister glaring at him in disgust, "Just gib be some-fig for congestion…"

"Go back to your room, Suigetsu!" Sakura snapped; waving him away viciously, "I don't want to get sick too!" She tossed him something which he gratefully caught; though it was rather slippery in his melting hands. "That should help. I'm bringing up soup in a moment!"

There was another explosion from upstairs and Kisame sighed; setting aside his newspaper.

"…I'll go get the fire extinguisher," he muttered as Sasuke entered the kitchen wearily; looking as though he had just been in some sort of fight.

"Cabinet?" Sakura inquired.

"Cabinet," Sasuke replied flatly; rubbing his aching shoulder.

"Dad, I told you we should bolt that down," Sakura complained, "Whenever Shikamaru gets sick that thing always moves and someone almost dies."

"Second floor is a mess," Sasuke muttered; sitting down and gratefully accepting a bowlful of soup as Suigetsu departed; dragging his melting body with him. "Itachi's trying to clean up a bit but the last time I saw him he'd been pinned to the wall by a couple of knives."

"…Why are there so many knives?" Kisame muttered to himself as he departed to put out whatever fires Deidara had started. Most of his kids had just come down with a short bout of the flu and it couldn't have been at a worse time. Mikoto and Fugaku were scheduled to arrive anytime soon and when the kids were sick they didn't have the best control over their abilities.

" –Can I take a bowl of this up to Naruto?" Sasuke inquired; nodding approvingly at how good the chicken soup tasted. In response, Sakura pushed a ready-made bowl across the table towards him.

"Watch out for the pollen," she added warily, "Ino's effect on plants sort of… _heightens_  when she's sick…and it's terrible for Naruto's hay-fever."

"I know," Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes, "He apparently sneezed in his sleep and woke up in Venice."

"Oh, so you've been to see him already this morning?" Sakura remarked cheekily. The accusation made Sasuke blush slightly.

"And so what if I have?" he snapped irritably; slurping down some more of the soup, "…Deidara set me on fire this morning…"

" –Might not've been an accident," Sakura pointed out with a chuckle.

A few minutes later, Sasuke headed up to Naruto's room and found that it was empty. With a frown, he set down the soup. A split second before he was about to leave, there was a bright flash of light and a drenched Naruto appeared on the floor in a damp heap. Sasuke smirked down at the unimpressed face of the blonde.

"…Don't ask," Naruto muttered, tugging at his drenched shirt and dragging it off. Mid-undressing he noticed the soup sitting on his bedside table.

"…Did you bring me soup?" he exclaimed.

"Maybe…" Sasuke muttered; averting his eyes. Immediately he was glomped by the thankful Naruto. "Idiot! You're getting me all wet!" Naruto just chuckled to himself and beamed up at the raven.

"You  _do_  care!" he laughed, "I  _knew_  there was a reason I liked you!" Sasuke raised an eyebrow with a smirk at the confession, and Naruto blushed; realising what he'd said. Instead of mocking him, however, Sasuke just leaned forwards and kissed him gently on the mouth.

"…S-Sasuke; I'll get you sick!" Naruto squealed when he found himself being pushed down onto his bed with the raven hovering predatorily over him. Sasuke; without listening to him, kissed him hard and slyly ran a hand down his chest. As Naruto wrapped his arms around the raven's neck and began to kiss back, there was the sound of someone clearing their throat.

Sasuke looked up in irritation to see that Shikamaru had poked his head through the wall.

"…Before you get too into what you're doing; Neji says your parents are going to be here soon," he informed them flatly, "And I'm glad to see that you two are finally accepting that you're into each other," he added with a knowing smirk as he disappeared back through the wall as nothing more than a shadow. Sasuke made an annoyed noise, leaning down and kissing Naruto one more time before getting up off the bed.

"Eat your soup," he advised; noting that he now had to change his clothes. "Oh…and Sasuke?" The raven looked over his shoulder as Naruto reached for his soup, "…The Sabaku kids; you know? Temari, Gaara and Kankuro? They don't have a family…and I thought it would be nice if they could stay here?"

"Why are you telling me?" Sasuke inquired flatly and Naruto scratched his head awkwardly.

"Well…you could tell Itachi…and if Itachi told dad…then he'd probably listen," he explained with a chuckle, "Dad really likes him." Sasuke just smirked. "And Sasuke? Do you really have to go?"

Sasuke didn't answer.

* * *

 

"It's so good to see you again, Kisame!" Mikoto exclaimed in delight as they entered into the house, "Sakura; looking beautiful as usual!"

"Thank you, Mrs Uchiha," Sakura replied politely, "I apologise for my siblings lack of appearance; they're mostly sick in bed; Sasuke's been helping to take care of them."

"What a shame; though that is wonderful news about Sasuke! It used to be so unlike him to help others," she sighed, "There is a nasty flu going around at the moment though –oh there you are Itachi! What a nice turtle-neck sweater; is it new?"

"Yes," Itachi remarked with a twitching eyebrow as he saw Sasuke and Kisame sniggering quietly at his expense. It wasn't _his_  fault that Kisame liked kissing his neck so much. And he definitely couldn't have his mother and father knowing about them…It was hard enough disguising his slight limp. "Mother; father, what was this trip about?"

"There's time for that later," Mikoto assured him with a bright smile, "Lunch first?"

"Of course," Itachi replied, "Kisame? Will you come help me serve lunch?" Kisame nodded; flashing him a small smile as Sasuke and Sakura began leading the pair of them to the dining room where the places had already been set for lunch.

"How have you enjoyed having Sasuke and Itachi here, Sakura?" Mikoto inquired curiously, "It must have been difficult to have two strangers wander into your life?"

"It was…interesting," Sakura replied cryptically, "But we got used to it. We like having them around. Actually…" She paused a moment; not sure what she should say, "…It's good to have them around. Itachi's been a really big help to dad."

" –I can see that," Mikoto admitted, "And it looks like my baby boy has a bit of life in his eyes now! What did you find here, Sasuke; that made you so happy?" Sasuke didn't reply; just averted his eyes awkwardly; musing over what Naruto had said. Now that he thought about it; he didn't really want to leave the blonde. He liked living with him; liked hanging out with him…it was a little painful to admit…but it was  _fun_  living here. They didn't tiptoe around him; didn't care how rich or well-known he was; they just treated him like another guy; just another one of them.

Lunch had been made by Itachi; as Kisame was quick to point out, as they started lunch. Kiba and Neji joined them as well, since they weren't sick either, and Mikoto was anxious to hear about their plans for college the following year and how they'd found having Sasuke and Itachi in the house.

All of a sudden, there was a loud crash from one end of the table as Naruto suddenly appeared in a flash of light. He stared in horror at the faces of their guests, before making a surprised squealing noise and vanishing again. Itachi's shocked face turned to his mother and father; desperately trying to figure out some sort of explanation.

But Mikoto simply took a sip of her water and inquired, "So Neji; you mentioned before that you wanted to go to Law School –will you be going to the University nearby?"

" –Mother…" Itachi coughed; knowing for  _certain_  that she had seen. She just rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh please, Itachi," she scoffed, "Your boyfriend is a giant, blue shark-man. You really think I'm surprised that there's a teleporting boy in the house?" Itachi made a spluttering noise.

" –He…he's not my boyfriend!" he exclaimed hotly and his father merely rolled his eyes.

" –Oh sweetie; that's what your words say, but your limp says otherwise," Mikoto commented knowingly, "And no one wears turtle-necks unless they have something to hide." She sipped at her water again, "Itachi, you really do have to stop thinking that you can hide anything from your mother."

" –Don't we know it," Kiba grumbled automatically, "Itachi  _always_  knows when I sneak snacks before dinner…" This made Mikoto laugh loudly; and Itachi immediately scolded Kiba for referring to him as a mother.

"…So you really weren't surprised by Naruto?" Sakura inquired curiously.

"We see some strange things in the business world," Fugaku sighed with a slight shrug, "A vanishing boy isn't the craziest."

"…What about someone who could turn into an animal?" Kiba asked slyly.

"No; I haven't seen that one," Mikoto admitted, "Though Fu-dear, remember that man who could turn himself into a clock?"

"Ahh; nasty piece of work," Fugaku muttered, "Made everyone late."

"Kiba; behave yourself," Kisame reminded him as Kiba suddenly leapt out of his chair and transformed into the shaggy mutt that he was. Mikoto let out a little clap of delight as Kiba wandered over to her and allowed her to pet his head.

"Oh aren't you adorable?" she crooned with a kind smile, "Kisame; are all your children…"

"Special?" Kisame chuckled, "Yes; yes they are. Would you like to meet –" All of a sudden, there was a hideous amount of swearing from somewhere in the foyer, and the door clanged open as Akamaru sprinted in; followed by a once-again headless body.

The body froze when it realised that there were strangers in the house. Hidan's head, held clamped in Akamaru's jaws; swallowed nervously.

"Oh, hello Hidan," Mikoto remarked, "Would you care to join us for lunch?"

" –Mikoto; couldn't Kakuzu do something similar?" Fugaku remarked conversationally as the two of them continued eating their meal.

"Ahh; his limbs actually remained attached though," she replied simply. Hidan's jaw dropped open. No one really seemed to know what was going on.

"Oh, and Kisame?" Mikoto commented brightly, "I'd love to see what they can all do. But first; I'd like to have a word with my boys privately?"

"What are you talking about, father?" Itachi growled crossly; folding his arms in irritation, "Shikamaru; I know you're listening; go back to your room!" There was a muted, 'yes, mom', followed by silence echoing through the living room once more.

"What your father means is that you're fired," his mother explained simply.

"Fired? Whatever did I do to get  _fired_?" Itachi snapped.

"Nothing," she assured him gently, "Itachi; hear us out." He took a deep breath and attempted to not look quite so sulky.

" –Itachi dear; the work you've done for the Uchiha Corporation is outstanding," she reminded him, " _But_  we have never seen you happier than when you're here. And the same with you too, Sasuke."

"Sasuke; I know you plan on heading to college next year," Fugaku frowned, "…And we were hoping that you would consider Konoha."

"…Already have," Sasuke shrugged flatly, "But what's the point?"

" –That's another thing I've been meaning to discuss with you," he remarked, "…This house. We're no longer looking to buy it."

"What?" Itachi exclaimed in frustration, "You let us waste months of our time here, only to come out empty handed?"

"I wouldn't call it a waste," Mikoto laughed, "And I don't think either of you came out empty-handed." She smiled brightly at her son, "Itachi…we both like Kisame; and I know that you really do; I can see it in your eyes even clearer than when you were with Nagato. We know that work is important to you; but  _this_  here is  _more_  important. That's why you're fired."

"You…you want me to stay here?" Itachi's voice softened considerably; his eyes blinking in confusion; unable to understand quite what was happening.

"Yes," Mikoto replied softly, "We can't buy this place and leave this family without a home. And we can't just take away the people that have come to need them."

"…I'm staying too?" Sasuke inquired with a frown.

"Of course, sweetie," she chuckled, "It's important for you to stay with your friends; especially when they've finally dragged you out of loneliness. We came out here to tell you that we love you both very much and –"

"I don't understand why I'm being fired," Itachi remarked flatly; folding his arms.

"Well, it's not as though you can attend regular meetings at work and be back in time for dinner," Fugaku reminded him with a scowl.

"I think you underestimate how much everyone loves Itachi's cooking," Sasuke smirked; surprising his parents, "…If anyone could think of a way to keep Itachi at work and here as well, then it's these guys." Mikoto suddenly wrapped her arms around both her sons and they were suitably startled by such a display of affection.

"…Oh my dear boys," she crooned, "I'm so proud of you. Fugaku; could you give Itachi some time to figure something out? I know it would make him ever so happy?" Fugaku sighed.

"Of course," he muttered, gripping his eldest son's hand tightly, "I'm glad to see how you've changed, Itachi. It's been good for you here."

"…Oh; Itachi," Sasuke remarked with a small frown, "…There's also something that Naruto wanted me to mention to you…"

When they emerged from the living room, Kisame was standing at the bottom of the stairs; with all of his children perched on various stairs; looking rather nervous. Fugaku; wearing his best serious face, slowly stalked up to Kisame.

"…My apologies, Kisame," he commented darkly, "…But I am going to have to withdraw all offers I have placed upon this property." Kisame looked absolutely  _stunned_. "You all have a great deal more need for it than we do." He held out his hand and Kisame shook it firmly; the teenagers all looking up brightly; and then their expressions falling once more.

"…Does this mean you're leaving?" Ino asked Itachi with a small pout on her face. He gave a small chuckle.

"I'd like to stay," he chuckled, looking over to where Kisame was looking at him with a look of affection that he quickly returned. "We'd both like to stay…If you want us to?" The response was practically an earthquake as the group of teenagers (minus Hidan, because he was too cool for that) leapt up from their spots on the stairs and raced over to envelop Itachi into some form of dog-pile.

"Fugaku; Mikoto; are you sure?" Kisame inquired very seriously, "I know that you were very interested in this property and –"

"We care more about the happiness of our sons," Mikoto assured him, "We want them to be happy. And your children are delightful."

"…Itachi, are you really gonna stay and be our mom?" Sakura exclaimed in delight as he managed to drag himself away from them.

"Stop calling me -oh what's the point...I suppose I am…" he muttered in resignation; ignoring his brother's smirks as Kisame came over to him.

"Welcome to the family, I suppose," Kisame chuckled to himself, kissing Itachi on the cheek and then briefly on the lips. Sasuke looked up and suddenly there was pain shooting through the side of hi face where Naruto had punched him.

"Bastard!" Naruto growled angrily, "Letting me think you were leaving!"

"Moron!" Sasuke snapped back as they broke into a grapple, "I just found out that I wasn't! How was I supposed to know!" They immediately began arguing and Mikoto smiled fondly at the scene.

"I'm glad Sasuke found someone perfect for him as well," she commented.

"…And here I was hoping for grandchildren," Fugaku sighed.

"Witches these days are very good though," she reminded him with a soft smile, "You never know."

 

* * *

 

"I'm very glad you're staying," Kisame remarked conversationally later that night, as Itachi curled up against his bare chest; his face flushed and his hair a wreck. The bigger man pressed a kiss to the raven's pale forehead as the exhausted Uchiha made himself comfortable. There was a sudden knock at the door.

"…Come in," Kisame called; dragging the sheets up a little more to preserve a bit of their modesty.

" –No; I'm good talking from outside the door," Sakura assured him, "Naruto's feeling better now!"

"That's good to hear," Itachi called back, "Now tell him to sleep in his own room! He has exams to study for and I know that if he's with Sasuke they won't be getting the rest that they need!"

" –But Deidara gets to sleep in Hidan's room!" Naruto complained; obviously having heard that Sakura was telling on him. "MOM! No fair!"

"Deidara doesn't have exams!" Itachi snapped back, "Room; Naruto!" There was a sulking noise from somewhere outside and Kisame laughed to himself.

"If I grant you grounding rights, will you abuse them?" he joked; only to get an irritated look from the raven.

"Oh please; I've been grounding them for weeks," he scoffed, and Kisame just laughed out loud. He was so glad that he'd met Itachi. He was exactly what his kids had needed; and exactly what he had needed.

Sasuke smirked to himself as a grumbling Naruto kissed him lightly and then vanished from his bed; probably being told by Itachi to spend the night in his own room.

He'd never thought that things would turn out like this.

There was an explosion from somewhere upstairs and an annoyed yell that was followed by a ' _Deidara, go to bed_!'

Come Monday, he'd be back to getting drenched by Suigetsu; and hearing Akamaru and Kiba stealing Hidan's body parts; he might get set on fire or nearly impaled by a levitating knife. Had anyone told him that this ragtag group of misfits and supernatural people would become the people who he most enjoyed the company of; he never would've believed them. With them, he had reluctantly had fun and made friends. He hadn't wanted to like them; hadn't wanted to be sucked into their world…but their mischievous antics and powerful personalities had made him fit in.

From now on; life was never going to be boring. But he was fine with that. And for the first time, he actually realised that being here, with these people, made him  _happy_. And that stupid, adorable blonde…He was glad that Naruto had decided to be his friend.

Suddenly, there was a loud splash and he and his bed were suddenly completely drenched in icy water. He leapt out with a wild howl; shivering in horror as Suigetsu reformed on his mattress; absolutely laughing his head off. He looked up at the ferocious raven but just beamed.

"What? We couldn't have you staying without giving you a proper welcome, right?" Suigetsu snickered impishly.

" –Okay, that's it; I'm fighting back this time," Sasuke smirked gleefully; reaching into his drawer just as Suigetsu began dissolving through the wall. Something went flying towards Suigetsu and exploded on impact; sending flour all over the other teen and causing him to howl in horror as his skin began to turn to paste.

"No fair!" Suigetsu exclaimed; his skin a mess of gloop as Sasuke just chuckled to himself.

"It's war," he smirked; a dangerously playful glint in his eyes, "And since I'm not supernatural; I'm going to have to play dirty."

"…What was that noise?" Kisame inquired with a frown as there was a loud crash from somewhere in the house.

"Your children starting a brawl," Itachi muttered, "…I think Sasuke had plans to fight back. Go back to sleep. I'll ground them in the morning." Kisame sighed heavily with a low chuckle.

"Okay, but if I wake up and the house is destroyed; that's all on you." Itachi just smiled sleepily. He had Kisame, and he had his brother, and Hidan, and for eight teenagers, he had stepped into a role that they had missed out on for their entire lives. They were mischievous and unpredictable and a whole lot of trouble; but he wouldn't change a thing, and it was now that he realised how he'd come to feel about Samehada Manor.

This place really felt like home.

 


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is a little epilogue to just wrap things up!

**Not too many months later...**

* * *

****  
  
Itachi checked his watch with a sigh of relief as the business meeting ended. It had been a long day at work and he was absolutely exhausted; but very excited.

"Good work today, Itachi," Fugaku assured him; clapping his son on the shoulder as he passed, "Call your mother later; she wants to hear everything."

"Of course, father," Itachi nodded as he began tucking everything away in his briefcase as his father finished wrapping up everything. Nagato, sitting across the table, was nodding and taking down several notes; looking across at Itachi once or twice.

As they were leaving, Nagato stopped him.

" –Itachi, might I have a word?" he inquired formally, pulling him aside as he was heading back to his office. "I know it's been a few years since I broke things off, but I was just wondering if you'd like to go for a drink tonight? To celebrate business, you know," Itachi just smiled back at him.

"Sorry, Nagato," he apologised with a shrug, "I've got to get home to make dinner for the kids." Nagato's eyes widened slightly though he managed to keep a relatively straight face.

"Kids?" he repeated, "You have kids?"

"Eleven," Itachi informed him; loving the expression on Nagato's face as they stopped outside Itachi's office, "It's their first day of college today so they'll be very excited."

"I…I didn't…" Nagato still seemed to be a little flustered and confused about why Itachi; barely twenty-four, had college-aged kids. Itachi's office door suddenly opened and Kisame stepped out; towering over Nagato with a sly smirk.

"Afternoon sweetheart," Kisame remarked smugly; kissing him on the forehead; revelling in the fact that Itachi  _hated_  it when he called him that –especially around his workmates, "You must be Nagato," he added courteously, extending a hand, "Itachi's told me a lot about you. Kisame Hoshigaki. His boyfriend." Nagato suspiciously took the proffered hand as Kisame beamed at him. He coughed and then excused himself awkwardly.

"…That was unnecessary," Itachi growled crossly, heading back to his office, "What are you doing here?"

" –I wanted to pick you up from work," Kisame replied innocently.

"Did Temari hex Sasuke again?" Itachi sniffed, "You only ever come pick me up when someone gets hexed or someone's made a giant mess."

"Nothing's wrong," Kisame chuckled; kissing him briefly on the lips, "Can't I want to come see you at work?"Itachi sighed heavily as he locked his door and then stepped straight through the floor-length mirror of his office; reappearing from the huge mirror in his study back at Samehada Manor. Kisame followed him, moments later.

"…It sure is handy that Temari's a witch," Kisame commented with a chuckle; looking over at the enchanted mirror that enabled Itachi to travel instantly to his work office from home. "Sakura's started on dinner already."

Itachi quickly hung up his suit jacket; ignoring Kisame's cheeky grope as he headed downstairs to the kitchen where Sakura and Temari were already beginning dinner. Temari had apparently cast a spell that was making sure that the bulk sauce was being constantly stirred.

"Hi mom! How was work?" Sakura inquired brightly as he pulled on an apron. "No dad; get out of the kitchen; you're only going to grope mom!"

"I am not," Kisame responded; mock offended and lying his pants off. There was something adorable about Itachi in his apron that made him unable to keep his hands off him. With a flick of her finger, Temari had sent him skidding from the room; the door slamming shut behind him.

" –Wait until dinner, Sakura," Itachi remarked; holding up a finger to silence her so that she wouldn't start talking about her first day at university without everyone present, "Are your siblings home?"

"Deidara, Ino, Kankuro and Shikamaru are," Temari replied.

"Shikamaru! Kankuro! Come down at set the table!" Itachi shouted, "I know you can hear me! No excuses!" There was silence for a few minutes, and then the sound of swearing from the foyer. He knew that that would be Kankuro with his puppeteer-like ability to control people's limbs; probably controlling Hidan from up on the landing. Poor Hidan; those kids treated him terribly. But they loved him and he loved them; despite how often he threatened to kill them in their sleep.

As Itachi was bringing out some of the dinner trays; having finally allowed Kisame entry into the kitchen after safely removing his apron, there was a loud bark from the foyer.

"Oh good, they're home," he remarked as the dining room door was flung open, " _Showers_  before dinner!" he scolded; the boys freezing and demurely backing out of the room with complaints of 'oh  _mom_!'

Sasuke, rather smug that Itachi couldn't ground him, sauntered in as the others all sulkily went off to shower, and took a spot at the table.

"What are you looking so smug about?" Itachi inquired suspiciously.

"Nothing," Sasuke replied innocently as there was a loud crash from the stairs. Itachi sighed heavily; heading out to see what had happened.

Suigetsu and a sullen redhead were sitting in a large pile of mud in the middle of the staircase. Neji was standing there looking bored and was apparently assessing the situation.

"Sasuke borrowed Temari's spell-book again," Neji informed Itachi, his lips curling up into a small smile, "He…appears to have made Suigetsu and Gaara stick together again…" Itachi suppressed a snigger. Where Suigetsu melted, Gaara could completely turn himself to sand…which sometimes ended up messy when the pair of them collided.

" –Temari! Stop helping Sasuke hex people!" Itachi called out with a heavy sigh; leaping to one side to avoid Akamaru and Kiba barrelling past with Hidan chasing after them, shrieking something about being unable to control his body. There was a sudden explosion from somewhere upstairs and Naruto appeared in a sooty heap in a quick flash of light.

"Sasuke!" he snarled angrily, "Itachi! Sasuke got Deidara to help him make a bomb again!"

"Sasuke!" Itachi hollered, heading down to the dining room where he was brother was smirking and looking quite pleased with himself, "I suppose you think you're rather clever?"

"They started it," Sasuke sniffed, "Gaara put sand in my bed!" Itachi rolled his eyes as Ino and Shikamaru entered the room; Ino looked very excited and bubbly, and Shikamaru looked as tired as always.

Slowly, the teenagers trooped into the room; Naruto, Kiba and Neji having showered, and Suigetsu and Gaara having finally been separated. Finally, they were all sitting at the table together and Itachi sighed at the blissful silence pre-eating.

"So…how was everyone's day?" he asked politely, reaching out to start the meal; only to be suddenly greeted with thunderous noise as everyone started talking at once. Itachi just chuckled to himself; by now able to pick up on what everyone was saying despite how much was going on.

Sakura had really enjoyed her biology class; Gaara had been hit on by a senior, who Neji had then proceeded to beat up; Naruto already had homework and had sneezed in his lab and appeared just over the pool. Suigetsu had loved his marine biology class; Deidara hated art history but was already his practical art teacher's favourite; Kiba knew he was going to struggle in ethics class; Temari and Shikamaru were already working above their first year maths level. Kankuro already had homework for his engineering paper and Ino was excited about her botany paper. Keeping up was exhausting but he was used to it.

Dinner was normal.

Hidan's hands wandered all through everyone's food; stopped only when Temari stabbed one with a knife (resulting in shrieking) and Deidara set the other on fire –also setting the tablecloth on fire. Suigetsu obligingly flicked water at it and put it out. Kiba transformed into a dog and wouldn't stop putting his paws on the table despite how much Sakura tugged on his fur.

Naruto and Sasuke just wouldn't stop arguing; actually getting into a full-on fist-fight followed by a large-scale food-fight that involved all of the children and Hidan and Kisame chuckling; knowing he'd get in trouble with his boyfriend if he joined in. Gaara remained relatively calm until mashed potato hit him in the air; which was when his skin began dissolving into sand and darting out at people like a sandstorm.

Itachi just ducked obligingly as knives and food went whizzing past his head. Kisame thus received a vicious face-full of gravy and peas. Itachi just chuckled and kissed his cheek; licking some of the gravy off his cheek.

"Ew, mom!" the kids all complained mid-fight.

"Don't you 'ew mom' me!" Itachi sniffed, "I know what you're practically all doing on your Saturday nights!" There were several blushes as he glanced around the room knowingly as they quietened down…for about thirty seconds before Naruto and Sasuke broke out into arguing once more. Itachi sighed again; chuckling to himself as he heard Temari chanting a familiar spell that he was pretty sure would turn someone to stone. Plants were creeping up around Ino; shielding her hair from potential fire damage or food.

"Deidara; not the nice tablecloth," Itachi sniffed; again leaning back to avoid a stray ball of sand. He didn't know why he bothered. Dinner was the only time that they didn't behave themselves. The kids would have a wonderful, war-filled dinner and the dining room would end up as a complete mess; probably with Sasuke ending up vowing vengeance; and taking out his revenge later in the evening with some tricks and his allies of the evening.

So really, dinner wasn't normal.

But it was normal for them and he loved it. He loved these kids and he loved how good Kisame was to him; even if he embarrassed him by calling him girly nicknames when he was at work. He loved how much his brother smiled these days. And he was glad that the life of the supernatural was the life he and Sasuke were a part of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it it; finally the end. Sorry it took so long! Itachi and Sasuke have found their own unconventional happily-ever-after.   
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
